Here Without You
by Lena xo
Summary: We all know what happens to the wolf if the imprint dies. But what if it's the other way around? A vampire wanders too close to the rez, Collin is killed and his imprint is left behind to try and survive without him... but Collin's story is far from over
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

"_What if I wanted to fight_

_Beg for the rest of my life_

_What would you do?"_

→ The Kill, 30 Seconds To Mars

It came at once, all in the same moment. A loud, long howl from all of the wolves. I turned to Emily.

"What does--" but when she looked back at me, there were tears cascading down her face.

"It means they've lost one of the pack."

My heart went cold. It couldn't be Colin. He and Seth had been taking a roundabout patrol of the southern border while the rest of the pack had tracked the vampire north, to confront it once and for all.

All of us, the 'imprint girls', were waiting tensely on Emily's porch. Kim was sitting on the lawn, her crutches beside her, tears running down her cheeks; while eight-year-old Claire was confused because no one would tell her what was going on. The atmosphere was heavy and no one spoke.

Of us, Kaylie was the only one with a calm face, but our hands were linked and I couldn't feel the blood flowing to my fingers because she was hanging on so tightly.

After a few minutes, a chocolate-brown wolf raced out of the woods, running straight towards Claire, who immediately hugged his foreleg – that was all she could reach.

Sam came out of the forest next, in human form, and Emily ran straight into his arms. Jared sprinted out of the forest, still buttoning up his jeans. He scooped Kim up and she buried her face into his neck, sobbing.

Now, Seth came but there was a huge gash running down his torso, still bleeding. He was leaning on Embry and Brady. Kaylie ran straight to him and jumped on him, locking her arms and legs around him. Seth held her up, but he was... crying...

He turned to me, tears in his red, bloodshot eyes.

"Jessie..."

"No," I whispered.

"It tricked us all. Led its scent up north, but in truth it had taken a large detour south..."

"No, no no..."

"It crept up behind us and..."

And now Seth was sobbing. He buried his head in Kaylie's hair.

"NO!" I screamed. He couldn't be gone. I _needed_ him, more than I needed air. Seth had to be lying. Collin just couldn't be gone, any moment now he was going to walk out of those trees.

But as I watched Seth break down, I knew he wouldn't lie.

My knees collapsed beneath me and I fell to the cold, damp earth. I couldn't breathe, I was only taking shallow gasps of air and I was shaking. My heart was pounding in my ears, but I couldn't think.

He was gone. I couldn't go on without him – the world suddenly seemed cold, dark and empty... as the tears came to my eyes the world blurred and all I could think was, it's over. There's no point now.

A hand touched my shoulder. "Jessie..."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed, scrambling back from Emily's touch. She lowered her hand, but didn't say anything.

Everyone was watching me with wide eyes except Seth, who was still sobbing into Kaylie's shoulder.

I had to get out of here. I couldn't stand their staring, or their pity. I didn't need it.

What I really needed was gone now.

I turned and ran, as fast as I could, into the forest.

"_Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me_

_All I wanted was you..._"


	2. Chapter I: Finally Found Her

Chapter I

_Searching all my days just to find you_

_Not sure what I'm looking for_

_I'll know it, when I see you_

_Until then I'll hide in my bedroom_

_Just stayin' up all night just to write_

_A love song for no one_

→ Love Song For No One, John Mayer

**AN: First time readers, there's a little bit of a connection with another fanfic of mine, _You Belong With Me_ – basically all you need to know is that Kaylie is Seth's imprint.**

**Obviously Collin's POVs are flashbacks, and the song lyrics at the start and end of the chapter is the theme song for that chapter :)**

**The chapters are a little short, but hopefully there'll be lots of them ;)**

**I'm really nervous about this story, it might be a little confusing at times... tell me what you think!**

**Lots of love,**

**Lena xo**

**PS roman numerals are awesome... and these chapters have names (oo-er) **

I'll never forget the first day I saw her. She had a thin frame and pale skin with a light pink tinge to her cheeks. She had blue-grey-green eyes and straight blonde hair that curled at the ends.

It was her lips that always got to me, though. They were pale pink, small and heart-shaped. And when she smiled...

Brady was driving us back from Port Angeles one weekend. It was a month into the summer holidays and we'd just graduated – me with flying colours, while Brady barely scraped through. We'd both skipped a grade to keep Seth company while he went to Forks High to stay with his imprint, Kaylie. The two of them had moved up to New York for college but me and Brady didn't see the point – La Push was our home, and our job was here.

Brady stepped on the accelerator as we drove down the streets lined with houses.

"I'm telling you," he said in a voice of pure conviction. "Seth reckons he's not going to do anything with Kaylie. Wants to be 'honourable' and marry her first. But they're horny teenagers locked alone in an apartment. All Kaylie has to do is get started and Seth'll never be able to say no."

I looked at him in disgust. "I cannot believe you are even _thinking_ about that, but you're telling me _why_?"

Brady shrugged. "I was giving Seth my honest opinion before he left. He reckons he can make it."

I couldn't help but grin - I'd seen the way Seth thought about Kaylie. He was doomed.

At that moment, I looked out the car window.

She was standing on the street, trying to stuff a catalogue into a letterbox. She had a shoulderbag filled with magazines and didn't seem to notice us driving past.

From that moment on, all I could think about was her.

"Stop the car," I whispered.

"Hmm?" asked Brady absent-mindedly.

"STOP THE CAR NOW!" I roared and Brady hit the brakes. The car screeched to a stop on the bitumen and I jumped out, running straight to her.

I stopped when I was a few feet from her. Maybe I should've thought this through. What was I supposed to say to her? _Hello, I'm Collin, and you're my soulmate. What's your name?_

Someone up there must've been listening because just then, she pulled a stack of magazines from her bag. A breeze picked up, scattering the catalogues everywhere. She leaned down to pick some up, and I quickly went to help her.

She didn't say anything but I heard her heartrate distinctly pick up and the pink tinge to her cheeks darkened a little.

I held out a neat stack of catalogues for her.

"Th-thanks," she stuttered as she took them. As I handed them to her our fingers brushed and I saw her face change to surprise – probably because of my high temperature – but she didn't flinch.

"No problem," I said brightly. She smiled slowly.

"Weren't you driving past in a car two seconds ago?" I was a head taller than her, even though I was probably the shortest out of the pack.

"Yeah, my friend Brady just ran into some car trouble, he's having a look at it now," I lied smoothly.

She smiled a small smile.

"Er-- I'm Collin." I held my hand out and she shook it. Her hand fits into mine perfectly, I thought, although she hasn't got a very strong grip.

"I'm Jessie," she said. Her voice was softer than most people's.

"Umm," she added, "I'd better-- I've got these to deliver--"

"Yeah, of course, I better get back to Brady..."

Brady pulled up the car next to me on the curb. "Come on!" he yelled over the engine.

"Did you get the car trouble fixed up?" asked Jessie. Brady gave her a strange look.

"Car trouble? There was no-- oh, yeah! All fixed!" he quickly cut in when I gave him a glare.

"Bye," I said to her, even though leaving her was the last thing I felt like doing now. She gave me another of her small smiles before turning away.

I climbed into the truck and Brady started driving away.

"So what was that about? I mean she's not bad looking, but-- oh no."

"Hmm?" I said, not focussed.

"Collin. You've got The Look," Brady said wisely. "The Look" was the expression on a wolf's face when he looked at his imprint.

"Her name is Jessie," I said. "Doesn't that suit her perfectly?"

I realised then that I did have a goofy sort of smile on my face. Brady was clicking his tongue.

"You know, I thought we'd been through all this imprinting fuss now that Seth was moving out. Do you know anything about the girl, besides her name?"

I pulled, from my fist, the scrunched up piece of paper that was one of the fliers I'd taken.

"Yeah. What are you doing tomorrow lunchtime?"

Brady snorted. "Eating."

"You're coming with me tomorrow, back to Port Angeles. We're going to Robinson's diner."

_I could've met you in the sandbox_

_I could've passed you on the sidewalk_

_Could I have missed my chance_

_And watched you walk away?_


	3. Chapter II: Try Outrun the Truth

**AN: This sort of writing's a little over my head, but I really really want to tell this story... hope I do it right :) I'm uploading chapters fast because... well, that's what I do haha :) I was away for a week and this idea struck me, I loved it so much I ended up handwriting it... .**

**L xo**

Chapter II

_Shaking from the pain that's in my head_

_I just want to crawl into my bed_

_And throw away the life I led_

_But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die_

→ It's Not Over, Secondhand Serenade

I ran blindly through the forest.

I didn't know where I was going.

I didn't care.

I had to get out.

I kept tripping on tree roots and grazing my hands and knees on the rocks that covered the forest floor, but I just got back up and kept running.

I couldn't breathe.

He was gone.

There was no point any more.

I kept seeing his face. His high cheekbones, and he always had a big smile – white teeth against tan skin. And black eyes.

I fell to the ground, curling into a ball. I tried to rub the tears from my face but more just kept flowing.

Soon my whole body was shaking while I cried. It started to drizzle but I barely noticed, the rain just blending in with my tears.

It was so cold.

I closed my eyes and imagined.

"_Jessie? What are you doing out here?" asked Collin as he came out from the trees. _

"_I thought you were gone," I whispered. "Just like the others." He hugged me then, his strong arms wrapping around me and keeping me safe; the heat from his body keeping me warm._

"_Don't be silly. I'll never be gone."_

I'm not sure how long I lay like that before Kaylie found me. I heard someone making their way through the forest and suddenly she was standing above me, her head blocking the sun.

I expected her to try and say something to comfort me, or to ask me to come back, or even yell at me for screaming at Emily. But instead she sat down next to me and opened my arms, and I crawled into them and cried and cried until I ran out of tears.

* * *

"It was female," said Kaylie in a quiet voice. We sat next to each other, and she was braiding my hair while she spoke. Her voice was calm but her fingers were trembling.

"They had just phased out. Collin was getting dressed and Seth was waiting for him. The wind changed and Seth caught her scent, and then he heard Collin scream...she'd come up behind him, got her arms around him and... crushed his heart."

As she spoke fresh tears ran down my face.

But I didn't want her to stop. I had to know.

"Then it attacked Seth, and did something with its hands and thats why he was wounded... then he managed to phase and it ran. He went back for Collin though."

"So when the wolves howled..."

"That's when she did it," whispered Kaylie. There were now tears in her eyes and I started to sob again.

"I just... I can't believe he's gone."

Kaylie pulled me into a hug and let me cry all over her shoulder.

"Collin... he didn't just scream," whispered Kay. "He screamed your name."

_I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart_

_Don't say this won't last forever_

_You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart_

_Don't tell me that we will never be_


	4. Chapter III: First Impressions

CHAPTER III

_I can't help it if you look like an angel_

_Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so_

_Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you_

_Can't help it if there's no one else_

_I can't help myself_

→ Hey Stephen, Taylor Swift

I was drumming my fingers on the diner's table impatiently. Brady's eye seemed to twitch as he watched me, before muttering, "Look dude, just relax. The food will be here in a moment." I let out a low growl – he knew perfectly well that food wasn't the reason I was so tense.

Seth ran his fingers through his hair. "You don't even know if she's here."

He was back on his first weekly visit to La Push. Since Kaylie had been taken on a shopping trip with her mother, Seth had grudgingly agreed to come.

"It doesn't matter," I muttered. "This is the only lead I've got, so--"

"Hi, can I-- oh. Hi."

It was her. Except this time, she was wearing a black apron over jeans and a top. In her hands was a pen and a small notebook. Her hair was in a ponytail and she had on thick, round glasses.

"Hi. Jessie, right?" I said. As if I could forget her name.

"Yeah. Hi Collin," she said, stuttering and blushing. I noted her heartrate pick up.

"Hi, I'm Brady and I'd like four chocolate milkshakes and four hamburgers." Jessie seemed a little caught off as she looked at him.

"Is that for all of you?" she asked as she quickly wrote it down.

"Nope. That's a snack for me. Seth?"

"I'll have three sets of fish and chips and three bottles of coke. Yes, the biggest ones," he added in an exasperated tone as Jessie opened her mouth to ask. Blushing furiously, she turned to me.

"Collin? What did you want?"

She was addressing _me._ She said _my _name.

"Nah, I'm right." She gave me one of her small smiles as she turned and walked back behind the counter.

"She's really pretty," said Seth approvingly.

"Pretty?" said Brady. "Did you see her ass in those jeans, I mean-- I was joking!" he added as I practically leapt across the table to strangle him, growling.

"Overreact much?" muttered Brady once I'd calmed down. "Besides, a few days ago I said that Kaylie had a nice ass and Seth never--"

"WHAT?!" roared Seth. Jessie, who was coming over with three bottles of coke under one arm and a plate piled with fish and chips in her hands, seemed to wince when Seth yelled. I immediately jumped up to help her.

"Erm, thank you," she said, blushing.

"Sorry," I said as Seth dug into his food, glaring at Brady over his plate.

"Brady just said something about Seth's girlfriend that Seth didn't like."

"Oh," stammered Jessie. "Was it bad, or..."

I chuckled. "Actually, it was a compliment."

I got another small smile before she left.

I sighed as I sat down and Brady snorted. "You sound like a love sick high school chick."

I didn't even bother replying.

Soon another waitress came to serve us, wearing the diner's black apron, but she wasn't Jessie. My disappointment must've shown through on my face because I swear, the woman snickered at me.

"Excuse me," I cut in as she walked off. "I'll get seven hot dogs and five grilled cheese sandwhiches." I might as well eat while we were here.

Thankfully it was Jessie who came out with my food. She had a huge platter of hot dogs and sandwiches in her arms but when she was near my table, she slipped. I jumped out of my seat, catching her (and the food) before she fell.

I realised then that my arms were around her and my face was incredibly close to hers. I pulled back slowly.

By now her face was beet red and her heartbeat was in overdrive.

"Thanks," she whispered as she put the food on the table.

"No problem," I said again. She stood watching me for a moment, then buried her face in her hands as she walked away.

Brady chuckled. "Looks like you've made quite an impression on her, Collin."

"She's got a beautiful blush," I murmured, then stopped. "Wait. Shouldn't you be angry that they haven't given you your food yet?" Brady just grinned at me and I realised then that half of my hot dogs had disappeared. I sighed, pushing my plate towards him and he immediately dug in.

The other waitress who served us before (her name tag read "Anna") came up to us, unceremoniously dumped Brady's food on the table and said to me, "Her name is Jessie Anderson. She's very shy and she gets off in half an hour." before walking off.

I sat there with my mouth sort of dropped open at first, but then I saw Jessie behind the counter, her hands covering her face, peeking at me between her fingers. I gave her a wink and her heart rate sped up again.

I turned to Seth, who sighed.

"Brady and I will phase and run back. You can have the car but don't forget, you've got patrol at nine with us."

That gave me four hours. I grinned. "Thanks, man."

Brady swallowed. "Don't thank him, its _my_ car."

Half an hour later I was waiting outside in the car. The last three people walked out of the diner – a middle-aged man who I assume was the manager since he locked up the shop; the short, brunette girl who was Anna; and _her_.

I got out of the truck as she came towards me.

"Sorry about that, it's my friend Anna, she's a bit..."

"Fiesty?"

Jessie giggled and I smiled too, relaxing a little. I cleared my throat.

"So, did..." now I was stuttering. "Did you want to come with me and..."

"Coffee's nice," Jessie cut in with her soft voice and a smile. "There's a coffee shop on the other side of town that stays open late."

"Awesome." I opened the car's front door for her, then got in the driver's seat. She gave me another of her small smiles.

I'm going on my first date with my imprint, I realised.

_You might have me believing_

_I don't always have to be alone_


	5. Chapter IV: Goodbyes of Sorts

Chapter IV

_This is the hardest story that I've ever told_

_No hope or love or glory_

_Happy ending's gone forever more_

→ Happy Ending, Mika

A week later, and it was the funeral. At first, I didn't want to go out there.

"Please, don't make me go," I begged Kaylie. "I couldn't go out there and hold myself together in front of those people. It's just," I continued in a softer voice, "a funeral finalises it. Makes it real."

Kaylie sighed, running her hands through her hair. It was incredibly messy, but then again she'd spent the entire week with me: talking to me at night when I couldn't sleep; cooking and cleaning for me; and she'd started sorting through Collin's stuff for me until I stopped her.

"Don't," I had begged. "When I'm ready, I want to do that." She'd let me off, even though she probably knew that I had no intention of moving any of his stuff, possibly ever. A part of me felt kind of bad because Seth probably needed her at the moment too, but I was too selfish to say anything.

Emily helped out too, and waved off my attempted apology for yelling at her. Most of the pack's girls dropped round at least once a day, usually with shopping. But Kaylie hadn't left me for the whole week.

"Look," she'd said with an sigh. "If you don't go to that funeral now, you'll regret it later. No one will expect you to hold it together – you were his girlfriend for three years, for goodness sake! Besides," she added in a softer tone. "Don't you want to say goodbye?"

I collapsed then, sobbing.

"NO!" I yelled through the tears. "I never wanted to say goodbye to Collin. I wanted to marry him and raise a family with him and grow old with him. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?!" I shrieked, the world blurring again. I thought I'd ran out of tears.

Kaylie pulled me into a hug, and I realised she was sobbing too.

"Please come," she whispered an hour later.

"OK."

So here I was, twenty-four hours later, standing next to a black box above a hole in the ground. The service was a little different to the normal Quileute rites, but traditional nonetheless.

Nearly all the members of the Rez were here. The inner circle of people were the pack – but I stood alone. Kaylie stood next to Seth, both of them never having dry eyes for the whole service. Brady stood off to the side, his eyes red and swollen, but he seemed to be holding himself together.

I didn't shed a single tear during the whole ceremony. I just stood there, not really listening as the Elders talked about how great Collin was, how brave; how loyal. Finally they lifted the lid off his coffin and invited everyone to come up, one by one or in pairs, to say a final goodbye.

His parents went up, tears in their eyes, and spoke to him, before his Mum kissed him on the cheek.

Then Kaylie and Seth – Kaylie said something, and kissed him on the cheek too, but Seth stood there and didn't say anything.

Then it was my turn.

But as I walked up to the coffin and looked down at the body, I knew it wasn't my Collin. It looked like him – but it didn't smile like Collin, or laugh like he did. Collin never wore shirts, let alone suits; and I couldn't feel the heat radiating from him.

This was just an empty shell.

"'bye," I whispered. I leaned forward, kissing him on the lips.

I moved back, and Brady went up. I heard him sigh, and say, "Don't worry, mate, I'll take good care of her. Remember the god times Collin? You were my brother in the pack, and now..." but his voice cracked and tears overflowed as he walked back. He stopped and hugged me.

"You gotta take care of yourself, Jess. He would've wanted that."

"I know," I mumbled.

I didn't cry for the whole ceremony, but as Billy read the last of the service, I became angry. He talked about how the tragic car accident had ended such a strong young life; how Seth, in the passenger's seat during the accident, was still suffering from the trauma of losing a best friend; and how Collin had left me, his girlfriend of three years and fiancé, behind.

Most of the people started moving off, but I quickly ducked through the crowd until I came to Sam.

"He died protecting those people and they'll never know," I seethed under my breath, but I knew he could hear me. He seemed to sigh.

"That's how it has to be," said Sam quietly. "We know the truth. His family knows the truth. And you know the truth. We will remember him. Isn't that what really matters?"

At just these few words, my anger faded. He was right.

Finally I said, "Yes. You're right." Sam nodded at me, then left to catch up with the others. The rest of the pack followed him, except Seth, Kay and Brady. Brady suddenly cleared his throat.

"I knew Collin all throughout the school years. We were best mates. He was the nerd, and I was the irresponsible class clown." He chuckled at this. "And then we started phasing, but Collin was still my brother amongst the pack." Brady seemed to stop and choke on his words.

"Collin's the reason I'm with Seth now," said Kaylie in a quiet voice. "It was because of something that Collin said that I confronted Seth," she added with a shy smile as she kissed Seth's cheek.

Seth stayed quiet, not looking at me.

Tears were running down my cheeks but I didn't care anymore. I leaned forward and threw the single daffodil in my hand into the coffin.

"I loved you," I said quietly. "You were my other half and I'll never be able to move on."

Those other people from the rez – they didn't really know Collin like we had. This was our way of saying goodbye to him.

I was saying goodbye to him, but I meant it when I said I would never move on. I _could _never move on.

After that, I fell into a depression that I wouldn't wake up from for a few months.

_Two o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind_

_Can't get no rest, keep walking around_

_If I pretend that nothing ever went wrong_

_I can get to my sleep, I can think that we just carried on_


	6. Chapter V: Legendary First Date

CHAPTER V

_I don't want another pretty face_

_I don't want just anyone to hold_

_I don't want my love to go to waste_

_I want you and your Beautiful Soul_

→ Beautiful Soul, Jesse Mccartney

"So what's Jessie short for?"

She blushed. She seemed to do that every time I spoke.

"Jessica Grace Anderson," she replied in her soft voice. The sky was grey and rain was pouring on the window that we were sitting next to. She was warming her hands on a small cup of decaf latte, while I had a cappucino in front of me.

"Why?" she asked with a small smile. "What's Collin short for?"

"Collin Myers," I said, shaking my head. "It's shameful. Our old pet dog had a middle name but my parents couldn't be bothered giving me one." She laughed, and the sound rung in my ears like bells.

She reached up, pulling her glasses off, and as she did a lock of hair dropped over her eyes. Suddenly my fingers were itching to tuck it back in.

"You had a dog?" she sounded amused. "I love dogs."

"Good. You'll need it if you hang out with me." She didn't laugh, and I wasn't joking. I started quizzing her after that.

"What's your favourite colour?" I asked her.

"Pink."

"Favourite flower?"

"Marigold."

"Gold or silver?"

"Gold."

"Favourite thing to do?"

"Long walks on the beach. What about you?"

"Huh?" Her answer had thrown me off a bit. She giggled.

"You're making this sound like 20 Questions. Or a job interview."

"Sorry," I mumbled, but I was smiling. She just grinned, then lifted the coffee cup up to her lips, blowing on the surface of her drink before taking a sip.

"One more," I insisted. She smiled. "Ok."

"Your friend Anna said that you're shy. Do you think she's right?" Jessie seemed to think before she answered. "Yeah, I suppose... but it's worse with guys."

I raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yeah. Lack of familiarity I guess. I don't have any brothers, or any close guy friends, and I don't date." She seemed to blush a little at her last words.

"You're with me now," I pointed out, but in truth I was worried. What if her friend Anna had forced her into this?

"Hmm," said Jessie as she drank more. "So I am. You seem... different."

I grinned. "Is that a compliment?" She laughed again.

"Of course. By the way," she added as she drank the last of her coffee, "My favourite thing to do is sing."

"Honest? Would you sing for me?"

She gave me her small smile. "Not now."

"I'm taking that as a maybe." The small smile grew a little bigger.

I glanced outside and noticed that the rain had stopped.

"One more question," I said. She shook her head.

"Please?"

"You have a lot of 'one mores' don't you? Alright."

I stood up, holding out my hand. "Will you come walk with me?"

She looked at my untouched coffee cup. "You haven't even had a drink yet."

"Yeah," I said casually. "I don't like coffee."

She giggled, taking my hand as I pulled her up. I dumped money on the table.

"Then what do you like?" she asked as we walked out.

"Banana milkshakes. And strawberries," I added. "Not that you grow too many strawberries down in La Push. Too much rain."

"Is that the Indian reservation?" she asked with a tone of interest. A slight breeze had picked up as we walked down to the local park.

"Yeah. Down near Forks. You live here in Port Angeles, right?"

She shook her head.

"I live with my godmother on the highway, sort of halfway between Port Angeles and Forks. But I go to school and work here."

"How old are you?" I asked curiously.

"I'm a senior this year. I turn seventeen in September. What about you?"

Only a few months 'till her birthday, I noted.

"I just graduated. I skipped a year, though. My birthday's actually at the end of this month."

Her mouth dropped into a small 'o'. "You're my age?"

"Yupp. What were you expecting to hear?"

"At least nineteen, and even then I would've been surprised. Are you sure you're really only sixteen?"

I chuckled. "I've got the birth certificate to prove it. It's in my genes, I just look older then I really am."

The small smile again.

"You know, you really didn't have to take me to a coffee shop if you didn't like coffee."

_If you'd asked me to come with you and watch paint dry I would've said yes_, I wanted to tell her. No. Too intense. Remember Brady's advice. Keep it light.

"If it makes you happy, next time we'll go somewhere that makes banana milkshakes."

"Next time?" she asked curiously. I blushed, realising what I'd just said.

"Only if..."

She slipped her hand into mine, giving her a little piece of paper.

"It's my number," she said, blushing. "Anna prepared it for you." I grinned, pocketing the piece of paper.

"Anna's your best friend?"

"Yeah. We got the jobs at the deli together. I've known her for seven years. She's one of the people I love most in the world," said Jessie simply.

"But?"

She looked at me, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"There's always a 'but'. Seth's one of my best friends. Knows me inside out. _But_ he's nearly always focussed on his girlfriend, Kaylie." Not that I blame him, I added mentally. "Brady is closer to me than any brother anyone's ever had. _But_ his mind is dirtier than a playboy magazine."

Jessie giggled, catching on.

"Anna is my best friend, _but_ she loves hooking up with random guys and tries to do set me up with guys, too."

"Has it ever worked?" I asked cautiously, trying not to imagine Jessie with another guy, on a date, where he'd do God knows what to her...

"No. Not before today."

She was blushing again. I slowly lifted my hand to her face, gently trailing my fingers down the length of her jawbone.

"You look beautiful when you blush," I murmured, smiling a little as she flushed darker. It was a sweet sort of power.

Three hours later and I realised I'd have to start driving or I'd miss patrol. When I heard that Jessie was going to catch a bus home, I insisted on driving her.

"It's fine, Collin. I normally catch the bus."

My mouth dropped open.

"With strangers?"

"Generally, yes."

"You do know how many psychos there are on public buses?"

She sighed exasperatedly, but she was smiling. "Ok. You win."

The fact that I know knew where she lived was an added bonus. I got out of the truck to open her car door, and to my slight surprise she didn't argue.

The car was parked in the driveway, and its headlights illuminated a small but homely building, pained a pale green. In the front was a simple rose garden, but the back and most of the highway was lined with a thick forest.

I'd come back this way as soon as patrol was over, so I could keep an eye on her.

Jessie moved up out of the car in front of me. I was nearly a head taller than her, and she looked up at me with bright eyes. My eyes wandered straight to her lips, and I had the sudden urge to kiss her.

Take it easy Collin, I chided myself. She's not really comfortable around guys, remember? This is more or less her first date, so don't go all weird on her.

While I was thinking this, she shifted closer, until she was nearly pressed against me. I leaned down, and she leaned up, and I pressed my lips against hers.

It was like electricity jolted through me. I was suddenly aware of how she was against me – her arms wrapped daintily around my neck, my hands at her waist. Her mouth opened and I responded, deepening the kiss.

She made a slight moaning sound as I broke off, but I moved my mouth to her neck. I laid a trail of kisses down her throat, making her shiver, until I placed my lips back on hers.

I could feel her smiling into the kiss as she started threading her fingers through my hair.

At this rate, I thought dimly, I'm never going to patrol. Damnit. I pulled back, but left my hands at her waist.

Jessie's eyes were sparkling – or maybe it was the light – and she was blushing furiously.

"I'll meet you at the coffeeshop at two o'clock tomorrow?" I asked in a soft voice. She only nodded.

I murmured "Good," kissed her on the forehead, and left.

I practically sped back to the Rez, quickly phasing, but even so I was a few minutes late.

―_Whoa_, were Brady's first words as soon as he saw what was running through my head. ―_That's pretty good action for a first date._

I couldn't have put it any better myself.

_To you I'd be always faithful_

_I want to be what you always needed_

_Then I hope you'll see the heart in me_


	7. Chapter VI: When Unreality Grips

CHAPTER VI

**AN: Jessie kind of withdraws into her mind, where Collin's still there. The first part ONLY is Kaylie's POV, but the rest... well, decide for yourself which are the memories, which are the dreams and which parts are real.**

**Big thankyou to You Know Who, in the absence of Indie you keep me sane :)**

**Lena xo**

_In my head I replay our conversations_

_Over and over 'till they feel like hallucinations_

_You know me, I love to lose my mind_

→ The Last Day On Earth, Kate Miller-Heidke

KAYLIE'S P.o.V

It was sometime in the middle of the night when I heard her screaming. It sounded like she was being tortured, and then suddenly she fell quiet. I raced out of the lounge room, where I'd been sleeping, and into her room, where she was huddled under the covers, quietly sobbing.

"Jessie? What happened?"

She just shook her head, sobbing, and stretched her arms out to me. I joined her under the covers and pulled her into a hug.

"I miss him everyday, Bethany. I wish he'd come back," she whispered, and I didn't correct her.

XxX

_I was standing on the edge of a sunlit field, and Collin was on the other side._

"_Jessie!" he yelled, running over to me and picking me up in a hug._

"_Collin, they said you were gone," I whispered as I started crying._

_He put me back down then, and wiped away my tears, but he seemed sad._

"_Jessie, listen to me. You have to take care of yourself because I love you and_―_"_

_Dark, spindly arms came up from behind him, wrapping around his chest, and pulling him back from me._

"_JESS!" he screamed_.

XxXxXxX

_My face was buried in my hands as I went back into the kitchen._

"_You're being stupid, Anna, and I'm sick of your matchmaking. I just made a complete fool of myself."_

"_So did you ask him out?"_

"_No! You're wrong, he doesn't like me, and I don't blame him, why would he like me? Look at me..."_

"_Jessie."_

"_He's probably there laughing at me with his friends now..."_

"_Jessie!"_

"_He's like a god Anna, he's wearing that stupid white singlet that clings to every God-damned muscle in his chest... oh my God did I just say that out loud?"_

"_Yes. You did. Now, wait here."_

"_Anna?" I opened my fingers a little, peeking through. Anna practically dropped the food onto their table, said something to Collin and walked back._

_Collin looked at me, and winked._

_My face is probably bright red right now, I thought as in my ears, my pulse raced._

_Anna came back, looking smug._

"_What did you say?" I whispered. Thankfully Collin had turned to talk to one of his friends (Seth?). Then Anna spoke. _

"_You've got a date in 30 minutes."_

_I didn't say anything._

"_So do I get a thanks? Jessie? Jeeeesssssie?" She waved her hands in front of my eyes._

"_You what?!" I finally spluttered._

"_You. Date. With Collin," said Anna slowly. "And you know you're my priority, but if you could put in a good word for me with one of his friends, that'd be much appreciated. The tallest one is really catching my eye."_

"_That's Seth. He's got a girlfriend," I said absent-mindedly._

"_Well, the other one is just as good... although I'm surprised that any of them are single."_

"_I can't go," I said suddenly._

"_Sorry hunny, you don't have a choice."_

"_No," I said quickly. I started hyperventilating. "I don't know anything about dating or..."_

"_Just be yourself. I think he's really interested in you. Call it woman's intuition," said Anna with a smile. She took my hands and peeled them back from my face. "Come on Jessie. You only live once."_

_It was thanks to Anna that I went on a date with Collin._

_It was thanks to Anna that my whole world changed._

*************

"Jessie? I have something for you."

Kaylie was talking to me.

She gave me a box.

"They're all home videos of Collin. Some are from his parents but most are from the pack's. I thought... I thought you'd like them."

Discs and tapes were in the box.

I put a tape into the video player.

It played by itself.

"_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..._"

An eleven-year-old Collin looked at me through the TV screen, his grin white teeth against russet skin.

I looked up to Kaylie and there were tears in my eyes, and I just reached up and hugged her.

XxX

_The dark arms wrapped themselves around Collin._

"_JESS!" he screamed, then disappeared._

_A monster moved forward, barely humanoid, blood dripping from its fangs._

"_Please!" I screamed. "Take me too!" _

_But it laughed in my face, pointing._

_Suddenly we were standing in front of a black box, with Collin's body inside of it. But he was alive – he was struggling, but he couldn't breathe, and I saw why. The monster had its hands around his throat._

"_LET HIM GO!" I screamed, reaching for her fingers, hitting her, kicking her, scratching her. But Collin kept choking and I couldn't do anything._

_XxX_

I missed him so much.

I started crying again.

Everything was dark.

It was so cold.

And I was here alone...

_Look down, the ground below is crumbling_

_Look up, the stars are all exploding..._


	8. Chapter VII: Birthdays

Chapter VII

_Am I crazy or falling in love?_

_Is this real or just another crush?_

→ Crush, David Archuleta

On our fifth date I took Jessie out to see a movie in Port Angeles. When I drove up to her house, she was waiting for me.

She was wearing black tights, a green dress and a thick black belt. Her blonde hair hung over her shoulders, and in her hands was a black case that held her glasses and her money.

I was so busy taking in Jessie that I barely noticed the tall brunette woman standing next to her. As soon as I had walked out of the car I held out my hand.

"Collin Meyers." The woman shook it gingerly, saying in a slight European accent, "Christie Renalds. I'm Jessie's legal guardian." She eyed us both – Jessie was blushing - "I want you back by eleven. What movie are you going to see?" She suddenly shot at me.

"_Did you hear about the Morgans_ or _Sherlock Holmes_," I said off the top of my head. We hadn't actually picked yet.

"Do you know first aid?"

"CPR, EAR, the whole thing." What did first aid have to do with movie choices?

"And do you have your licence?"

"Yupp," I lied smoothly. Christie Renalds eyed me suspiciously.

"Jessie said you are only sixteen."

"Turning seventeen. We get our licences early on the Rez." That was Jacob's favourite excuse.

"Hmm. Very well. Have fun." She stomped back into the house and I took Jess by the hand.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Christie's always been... protective." I chuckled as I opened the passenger door for Jess, as per usual.

"It's alright. I'll sleep better at night knowing she's looking out for you." Jess giggled, but I wasn't joking.

In wolf form I usually slept outside of Jessie's house, and I'd heard someone else moving around inside, but I'd never seen them.

Once I was in the car Jessie leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. "Happy birthday, by the way."

I drove out onto the highway, trying to memorise the feel of her soft lips on mine.

That had been the first time Jessie had kissed me on the mouth since our first date. I'd figured out she'd wanted to go slow, and I was there to serve her every want.

At the cinema in Seattle, I laced my fingers through Jessie's as we stood choosing.

"What do you want to see?" I asked her. She just laughed.

"It's up to you, I honestly don't mind." Jessie always spoke in a soft voice that was easy to miss.

"Jess. Just pick."

She giggled. "You don't really want to sit through 'Did you hear about the Morgans', do you?"

I shrugged. "That'll be fine! Just come on." I insisted on paying for movie tickets and food even though it was my birthday. Jessie grumbled but didn't argue – she wasn't that much of a fighter.

Not that it mattered. I'd fight her battles for her now.

We had to practically run into the cinema, getting there just as the last advertisement finished and the movie began.

When Emily had suggested going to see a movie for my birthday, I'd thought it was a great idea. Now, I was thinking, not so good. For one thing, it was dark and Jessie was sitting less than a foot from me. I could see her by the light of the movie screen, but the feeling was worse. I could feel her sitting centimetres away and I could feel the tension between us in the air. I could hear her heartbeat picking up like it always does around me.

This was going to be a long hour.

Jess leaned over and lifted up the arm rest that was between us before reaching into the popcorn carton in my hands. She ate some, but I was staring at her hands. They were so pale and so small.

When she took a drink, I found myself watching my lips as they shaped around the straw...

… damnit.

She caught me watching her and stopped drinking, and I saw her blush a bright pink. I leaned forward, taking her face in my hands, and started kissing her.

Nearly an hour later she was curled up against my chest, and I had my face buried in her hair, breathing in her scent. It was sweet but subtle, and reminded me of the flower jasmine.

I gently placed her hair to the side and began trailing small, teasing kisses on the pale skin of her neck. She shivered and shifted against me so she was facing me, and placed small kisses on the corner of my mouth. I let out a low growl, and she giggled as I moved my mouth back to her neck.

At the end of the movie – which I definitely hadn't been paying attention to – I stood up with Jess in my arms, bridal-style, and started carrying her back to the car.

"What's the time?" I asked.

"It's only about eight. That's three hours until Christie rings 911 to report my kidnapping," said Jessie, giggling.

I kissed her on the cheek before setting her down again.

"Dinner it is."

We ended up at the outskirts of Seattle, in a nice Thai or Malay restaurant or something like that.

I let Jess order the main courses, since I didn't recognise any of the dishes on the menu, but I turned to desserts.

"Sweet, this place has an ice cream speciality. What's your favourite ice cream flavour?" I asked Jessie as I scanned down the huge list of flavours.

"Mint chocolate-chip. What about you?"

"Rainbow. Shuttup! Rainbow's awesome," I added as she started laughing.

"In a six-year-old sort of way," she said teasingly. I smirked.

"Oh come on, everybody's got their secret little obsession that they're proud of. Mine is rainbow ice cream, and..." I paused and Jess giggled again.

"Come on," she pleaded. I sighed.

"Alright, but I'm quoting Brady here. 'Normal guys have porn magazines hidden all over their room. Collin has special edition spider-man comics in his.'" I eyed her as she started giggling again.

"'Fess up," I said. "What's your 'hidden obsession?'"

She smiled slowly. "Jackie Chan movies. Seriously," she added at my facial expression. "I have just about every movie he's ever starred in, even the really old ones where he's like sixteen and plays a minor part."

"Aren't you a 'stay-at-home, cross-stitch' sort of girl?" I asked half serious, half teasingly. She giggled again.

"If you stereotype people your whole life, you're going to get a lot of surprises."

I chuckled.

"Collin," she said softly, "What's your biggest fear?"

You running away when you find out exactly what I am.

"Empty fridges. And spiders," I said out loud. "I had arachnophobia until I was ten. Even now I still don't like them." Jessie giggled, then her face changed.

"Death. That's my fear." Her big grey-blue eyes widened as she looked at me.

We were then interrupted by the arrival of the food. Even though I had four times as much food as Jess did, I finished it all in less than half the time she took to eat it. When she finally finished and the plates were cleared away, I placed an order for desserts and Jessie seemed tense as she spoke.

"Aren't you curious?"

"About?" I asked. I was listening to what she said, but also watching her lips move as she spoke.

"Why I'm living with my godmother instead of my parents." I looked up then, straight into her eyes and nearly had a coronary.

There were tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she said, blushing as she tried to wipe her tears away. I was kneeling at her side then, brushing the tears away, before pulling her into a hug. She laid her head on my shoulder and I was relieved when no more tears rolled down her face.

"It was Christmas Eve. I was ten years old and we were heading to a family friend's. On the way there, we hit the ice wrong and the car... the accident... I was the only one who survived."

We were both quiet while I held her, and she gave me her trademark smile.

"I'm sorry. I'm not normally this bad, but you share the same birthday as her. 29th of July. Bethany would've been nineteen today."

"Your sister?" I asked in a quiet voice. Jess nodded.

We stayed like that until the milkshakes arrived. Jessie brightened a little when she saw that hers was mint chocolate chip, but I took one sip of mine and made a face. She laughed.

"I thought you liked banana milkshakes."

"I do. Proper banana milkshakes, made from actual bananas, not flavoured, coloured milk." I grinned, draining the glass. "When you come up to La Push, you've got to remind me to make you a milkshake. Mine are the best, even Brady says so."

Jessie's eyes widened. "Is that an invitation?"

"If you want it to be," I said automatically, but I hadn't meant to invite her up to the Rez so quickly. If she met the rest of the pack, she might get suspicious, and if she asked what was going on I'd never be able to lie to her.

She gave me her small smile that seemed to clear up all my problems... her smiling was all that mattered. The rest would sort itself out.

XxX

The trip back to her house was spent in a comfortable silence – I didn't mind, it gave me a chance to think.

Once we were at her house I could see Christie watching me through the front window. I got out of the car to open the door for Jess,a nd she hopped down and pulled me into a hug.

"Meet me out in the backyard in ten, 'k?" she whispered in my ear before kissing me on the cheek.

"OK."

She waved at me from the porch before heading inside.

I drove about three kilometres down the highway before turning the truck into the forest. I drove it in as deep as I could before switching off the engine and locking up.

I stripped, leaving everything behind except my jeans, which I tied around my ankle. Then I phased and ran back to her home, stopping about one hundred metres before it to phase back and pull myjeans on.

She was actually waiting in the trees on the edge of her backyard.

She had a torch in her right hand and was wrapped in a white dressing gown, shivering in the cold night. She jumped when she herd me coming.

"Collin... wait. Where's the rest of your clothes?" I didn't need to see her face to know that she was blushing.

"It's a Quileute thing." That was hardly a lie either – most of the pack travelled around the Rez like this. "So what's up?"

Instead of replying, she pulled a piece of paper from her dressing gown. A photo, I realised when she shined the torch on it.

"That was taken on Beth's twelfth birthday, the birthday before..."

The photo was set in a green park with a lake in the background. A man with brown hair was holding the hand of a woman with hair just like Jessie's. A grinning girl with brown hair and a big plastic silver necklace was posing for the camera; next to here a younger girl, wearing a matching necklace in gold, was half hidden by her long, blonde hair.

I looked up at Jessie now, and there were fresh tears in her eyes.

"Thankyou for showing me that," I said in a soft voice. She nodded and put the photo back in her pocket. She sighed, switching off the torch.

"I better get back. Christie usually goes to sleep as soon as her head hits the pillow, but just in case..."

I caught her hand as she started to move away.

"No, please, stay with me."

I'm not sure why I was asking – all I knew was that I wanted to make sure she was ok.

Jess hesitated, then went into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck, and resting her head on my shoulder. I sat down, shifting her against me so that she was in my lap and not on the cold ground.

She sighed. "Happy birthday, Collin."

I smiled, brushing her hair from her cheek and placing a kiss there instead.

"Happy birthday, Beth," she said, giving me her small smile before closing her eyes.

I looked up at the sky and through the interlocking branches of the forest I could see the stars. In my mind's eye I could see the grinning brunette girl matured into a young woman who loved her little sister.

"Happy birthday to us," I said to her.

**AN: This was one of my favourite chapters :)**

**Quick couple words: Jessie's trying to treat Collin like their in a normal teenage relationship but her subconscious is winning when it says that Collin can always be trusted :) That's why she's showing him a photo of her family and letting him give her a ride home when she's only just met him.**

**Biggest Thankyou ever to reviewers: **Lily CullenBlack, smile01, xBlibberingxHumdingerx and eeyore-ft-tigger.** Seriously, I owe you guys big time ;)**

**Also to Jeri, I apologise for referring to you as "You Know Who" in the previous chapter, I forgot about JK Rowling's world ;)**

**And to Indie, for spamming my inbox, telling me which songs she liked, picking on me for liking Mika, liking Brady and leaving one line on what she actually thought about my story...**

**Lots of love,**

**Lena xo**


	9. Chapter VIII: Dream Of Me

Chapter VIII

**AN: very quickly: I normally reply to reviews personally, but schedules been busy, so I acknowledge you here: **LilyCullenBlack;Brookieb1996; eeyore-ft-tigger; jklmnop; laura-bookworm; H0llaSDC; genies9 **and** nocturnalequinox **:) :) :) Hope I didnt miss anyone! Yell at me if I did... And of course, I didn't forget the infamous** Lil-Mizz-Jeri-XoX

**Lena xo**

_Light up, Light up_

_As if you have a choice_

_Even if you cannot hear my voice_

_I'll be right beside you dear_

→ Run, Leona Lewis

"Seth... baby, please."

His face stayed stony.

"Just come in and say hi. Please? She hasn't seen anyone from the pack in a few months..."

Silence.

"Please, for me?"

His head dropped into his face, and I knew he was hiding tears as his shoulders racked with sobs.

"Kaylie, please don't ask me to do this. Because you know I... I just can't. I can't face her."

I sighed, then leaned in and peeled his hands from his face, wiping his tears away. I kissed him gently on the mouth. "You're going to Brady's tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"Love you too," he said as I closed the door, a pizza box tucked under one arm while my free hand tried to shield me from the rain. I quickly jumped the steps up to Jessie's flat, and rapped sharply on the door.

XxX

"No difference?"

We were seated at the dining room, and Emily sighed as she poured yet another cup of tea.

"Of course not. I took here for the last two nights, and Kim took her for the three before that," said Em, acknowledging Kim at the head of the table.

"I'm starting to think it wasn't a good idea to give her those videos..." said Kim hesitantly. I sighed, chewing my bottom lip. "What do you mean?"

"I think it makes things worse, not better," cut in Emily as she sat down with us. "She watches the video every waking minute of her day. When they end, she... it's like she remembers that he's gone again, and only more tears come."

I sighed, twisting my ponytail between my fingers. "I know. But I didn't know what else to _do._ And I'm sorry," I added in a guilty voice. "Both of you – and Rachel - shouldn't have to come here and look after her. You should be at home, looking after your children..."

The two women just smiled sadly at me. "She'd to the same for us."

We were all silent for awhile, the only sound being the gentle _chink_ _chink_ of silver on china, until I spoke again.

"Has she said... said his name at all?" Emily shook her head and Kim spoke again.

"Only when she wakes up, screaming from her nightmares. Other than that she barely speaks most days. She calls often for her Bethany." I hesitated, then asked, "and she still eats?"

"Most of what we give her," confirmed Emily. I sighed.

"I just... I hate this. If, God forbid, Seth should ever – go –" I choked on the last word, then took in a deep breath and lowered my voice. "I would've been off the highest cliff in La Push."

Neither of the girls said anything, and I knew why – they would do the exact same thing.

"But Jessie...she's just here, wasting away, barely speaking, and I can't watch this," I said softly, fresh water coming into my eyes. "I just can't."

Suddenly, Emily's face changed as she looked past my shoulder, and I turned to see Jess, still in her pyjamas and wrapped in a blanket, standing in the doorway of the dining room.

She had been standing there the whole time, I realised.

But she didn't say anything, just quickly coming forward and I stood up to receive her hug.

"Beth, you came home," she whispered.

As soon as she let go I went to the cutlery, choosing a big plate, which I then deposited the meatlover's pizza on.

"Let's go," I said brightly to Jessie, leading her out of the kitchen.

"Thanks again," I added to Emily and Kim, who were cleaning up. They just smiled sadly.

"So, what do you want to do? We can play monopoly again, or we could try bake another cake if you want..."

"Beth? Can we watch a video?" My heart sunk. Maybe Kim was right.

"Of course, sweetie. You set it up, and I'll go get some chocolate from the fridge."

When I walked back to the living room with the precious package in my hand, Jess was wrapped in a sheet and was sitting on the lounge. She opened the blanket and I sat down next to her, pulling it around both of us, as I watched the video.

It was all the members of the pack who had imprinted, plus their girls, at Third Beach with quad bikes. I couldn't help but smile as Emily, operating the camera, focussed it on me speeding down the beach, with Seth running after me.

"KAYLIE GET OFF YOU'LL CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN!" he roared. I pulled the bike to a stop, jumped off and started running, but Seth caught me and hung on, not letting me go. As his mouth pressed against mine, Emily turned to Collin and Jessie with another motorbike.

Collin was strapping a helmet to Jessie's head and saying in a soft voice, "It's fine. Trust me, it's not scary at all. I'll be there with you the whole time."

Reluctantly, Jess climbed onto the bike, the fear written all over her face. Her hands were shaking as she tensely gripped the handles. Collin sat down behind her, wrapping his arms around her and placing his steady hands over hers on the handlebars. He whispered something in her ear, then they leaned in and kissed on the lips.

Looking at the TV screen I felt the familiar pain that always came from seeing Collin again – and of course it was a million times worse for Jessie. They were a cute couple, I thought as Jessie lay her head on my shoulder. Collin's huge, tanned body framed her small pale figure. He was protectively leaning over her, and she was automatically curling back into his chest.

When the video rolled to a stop half an hour later, tears were rolling down Jessie's face, and when she looked at me, I realised why Seth didn't have the bravery to face her. It was the same look she'd had on her face during the funeral.

She was looking at me, but her eyes were unseeing.

It was like something in her died when Collin did.

XxX

"_Collin?" I say softly as we danced in the sunlit meadow._

"_Yes, beautiful?" My head was on his chest, his hands at my waist and mine on his back – we swayed gently to some silent music._

"_Do you love me?" I asked. He stopped, taking my hand and twirling me before taking me back in his arms._

"_More than the world," he said simply._

"_Then why did you leave?" I asked, new tears rolling down my face. He stopped dancing, and wiped the tears from my face._

"_But I come back," said Collin sadly._

"_Only in my dreams," I whispered miserably._

"_Please don't cry. I'm here now." He pulled me back into a hug._

"_But it will come back and take you away from me again soon. Why did you have to leave me in the first place?"_

_Collin kissed my forehead._

"_I didn't have a choice," he said sadly. "I never would've left you otherwise."_

"_Everyone's left me," I whispered. "Do you... do you see them sometimes? Do you tell them that I love them?"_

_Collin smiled sadly again. "Everyday. They love you too. Bethany misses you the most."_

"_Sometimes..." I paused. "Sometimes Bethany comes back to me. Because you're gone. But then she goes again."_

_Collin opened his mouth to reply but the light of the meadow began to bend and morph, darkening around Collin._

"_It's coming!!!" I screamed. "Collin, please, come and hide!"_

_His eyes were wide and he gently ran his fingers through my hair._

"_It will find me anyway."_

_The black, mutated monster came behind Collin. Yellow, feline eyes glared at me from the blob where it's head should've been._

"_I love you," said Collin as it, at an excruciatingly slow pace, locked its arms around Collin, almost like an embrace._

"_Collin," I whispered, tears running down my face. Through my tears the world blurred, then there was darkness._

I woke up, tears streaming down my face, sobs racking my body.

Warm arms went around me and I heard a sigh.

"Oh Beth," I whispered. "I wish he'd come back. I wish you'd all come back to me."

"I know," Beth replied. "I wish it too."

_And I can barely look at you_

_But every single time I do_

_I know we'll make it anywhere_

_Away from here..._

**AN: BIGGGGEST apologies ever! School's already getting in the way. However, I am learning to multi-task ^^ If I had copied this chapter exactly as it was from my notebook, there would've been maths, s&e and english filtered all through it.**

**I'm sitting on "half" a chapter and I promise that will be uploaded in the next day or two!**

**I'm also currently helping someone with their fanfic :) but that shouldn't be too hard.**

**I promise, chapters will be much faster from now on! In all honesty, it wasn't just school, writer's block is a killer .**

**But it's all coming back to me now :)**

**Much love to one miss Izzy Rose... when she gets round to reading this story … welcome to ffn ;)**

**Lena xo**


	10. Chapter IX: I Couldn't Help But

Chapter IX

_Four years, you think for sure_

_That's all you've got to endure_

_All the total d***s, all the stuck up chicks,_

_So superficial, so immature_

→ High School Never Ends, Bowling For Soup

I dialled Jessie's number, well known off by heart now.

"Wanna meet up tomorrow?" I said straight into the phone. I heard Jessie giggle.

"Collin, it's Monday 1st of September tomorrow."

I paused, and heard her giggle again.

"I'm going back to school tomorrow, silly."

My heart sunk. That's... 7, 8 hours without her? What am I going to do without her? What if she gets hurt in school? I won't know or be able to help her, or...

"Collin?"

"Hmm?"

"Oh, good, you're still there."

"Yeah, er, listen," I wandered for a moment if this would sound too pushy, but then I realised I didn't care. "How are you getting to school tomorrow?"

"By bus, like always, I guess," came her soft voice over the phone. She was a lot braver around me now, but she still had shy spells.

"Listen, do you want a lift to school and back home? Like... on a permanent basis?"

In my head I could see Jessie's face going red, and the thought made me smile.

"Oh... won't that mean you're going out of your way?"

"Nah, I'm getting a job up in Port Angeles," I improvised on the spot. I could probably find some vacancy there, preferably within hearing distance of the school...

"You don't have to," I added quickly into the phone. Don't want to seem to pushy. "I mean it was only if you wanted to, but if you want to then--"

"Yeah, it'd be great," she beamed.

After I'd hung up, I looked around the flat that we shared, but he was nowhere to be seen. "BRADY?!" I roared. "WE'RE GETTING A JOB IN PORT ANGELES!!!"

I heard a groan from outside.

"I went back to school for Seth, I'm not going to work for you!" he yelled back.

"Yes you will!" I yelled back, my mind working. What did Brady like most of all, besides girls? Ah.

"'Cos the next three year's worth of beer for this household is coming out of my wages!"

There was silence, then a slamming of doors and a shuffling of feet. Brady stuck his head into my bedroom doorway.

"What's the catch?"

I just smiled at him.

"Ah," he said with mock wiseness. "Imprint business."

"Look on the bright side, Brady, when you imprint Seth will be cleaning your house and I will be labouring in your garden."

Brady snorted. "If I imprint." He sounded doubtful. "Don't you _want_ to imprint?" But Brady just shrugged.

"Dude, if she comes, she comes. If she doesn't, then living as a sixteen-year-old bachelor for the rest of forever suits me fine."

I raised an eyebrow at him. This might've made sense a few months ago, but now I couldn't imagine _not_ having Jessie.

"Come on!" continued Brady. "It took Taha Aki three generations to find his imprint. By the time I'm on the third generation, you both would've aged with your imprints, which leaves me in the lurch."

I was rather surprised that Brady could talk about something like aging and death so lightly – but then again, it was Brady. My surprise must've shown through to my face because he shrugged.

"Dude, it's gonna happen one day. And when it does, imagine what'll happen when I insult Seth. He'll be hobbling after me with a walking stick going," at this Brady hunched his back, leaned over a mimed walking stick and raised his fist in the air, feebly yelling in a croaky voice, "Come back 'ere you young whippersnapper!"

I stared at him for a moment.

Then we both burst out laughing.

And was the end of that conversation.

XxX

As I pulled up on the curb opposite the large, grey, modest building, I turned to Jessie.

"You're absolutely sure you don't want to skip?"

"Absolutely," she said, giving her trademark smile.

I added puppy eyes for extra affect, but she just giggled, leaning over the gears to kiss me. I took her face gently in my hands and I started off by placing a chaste kiss on her soft lips but she opened her mouth just a fraction, and I couldn't help myself. Either way, we ended up making out for the next four minutes...

...until a sharp rapping from Jessie's window interrupted us.

It was Anna with a few others flanking her. She was watching us with her hands on her hips.

"Are you coming out, Jessie, or are you just gonna sit there swapping saliva with Collin all day?" called out the temperamental brunette, but I saw the wink she gave to Jessie. Predictably, Jessie blushed bright red. "I better go..."

"I'll pick you up at three," I confirm, giving her one last kiss before she left. I couldn't help but sigh as she walked closer to the school and further away from me – the pain in my gut was already kicking in.

I drive to the outskirts of Port Angeles – the old highway, bordered by forest. A grumbling Brady eventually emerged. There were a few reasons he was in this mood – that he was fully dressed (it'd taken me awhile but I finally persuaded him that it isn't a good idea to turn up for a job shirtless). But he was also complaining about--

"I really don't see why you could've given me a lift."

"But you _like_ running as a wolf," I said pointedly.

"Yeah, but still. It's a mark of respect. You left me behind 'cos you don't want me to talk to your girlfriend. It's cos I'm an embarrassment, isn't it?"

"Brady..."

"You didn't even deny it! Now I'm just offended."

"Brady!"

"Whatever! Talk to the hand 'cos the face ain't listening!" he shoved his hand into my face.

"Dude! I don't want you within talking distance of my imprint because she is impressionable and you have a tendency to suggest threesomes!"

There was silence from the back seat as I drove out down the main highway.

"Is that an invitation?" he said teasingly. I groaned.

"Aw, come on, Coll. It's alright, I wouldn't want a threesome with you... swap you with Kaylie and maybe then--"

I burst out laughing. "I'll tell Seth you said that."

The pain of going only half an hour without Jessie was already reaching breaking point. But Brady was helping me, keeping me distracted – surprisingly, he was doing a good job, and I was able to focus on his words in stead of my thoughts about Jessie, some kilometres away, so fragile and breakable... the thought was like a steady throb in my head.

"So, have you actually picked out a job for us to sign up for?" came in Brady's voice. I threw him the paper that had been on the floor in front of me. "Start reading."

Brady eyed me sceptically. I explained, "I circled any which would be good for us, you know, hours and stuff. Most of it's labour."

"Hmmm," said Brady as he browsed through the wanted notices. "Are you sure you don't want something more permanent?"  
"What do you mean?" I pulled the car onto a parking spot outside the park – it was pointless driving around until we actually knew where we were going.

"Well," said Brady, "Jessie's gonna be in school for another year or so, right? So we might as well pick something that we can stay on for the long term."

I stared at him.

"If that had come from anyone else, I would've called them wise."

Brady snorted. "Why is it you and Seth must mock me every time I say something smart? I'm a genius in reality. I just act dumb so I can lower myself to your level."

"Sure, sure," I replied dryly.

"How about this?" Brady pointed to a little box tucked away in the corner of the paper. It's something to do with construction. I recognise the company name – the firm is only a few streets away from here.

Wordlessly, I drive out onto the streets.

Next moment, I feel a _WHACK_ as Brady's hand collides with the back of my head.

"Dude! What the hell?!" I yell, grabbing control of the wheel again as we nearly crash into a passing car.

"Didn't mean to hit that hard," sniggers Brady, "but seriously, relax. You're wound tighter than a forty-year-old virgin's---"

"Stop. Right. There," I cut in. Brady sighs.

"If anything happened to her, you'll be the first to know. Imprint bond. Trust your gut instinct. What's it saying now?"

"She's fine," I say quietly, almost to myself.

"Exactly. Clean up your act good and proper, Mr Meyers, we've got a job interview to go to."

XxX

The woman in reception sent us straight to a construction site. We were just general labourers, paid in cash, listening to all of the foreman's instructions. If we were good workers we'd be "promoted" into a contract with the company. It was a perfect deal – although at the time I wasn't paying attention during the explanations. Despite what Brady had said my mind was still preoccupied with thoughts of Jessie.

After a few hours of moving around steel and wheelbarrow loads of bricks, we collected our pay. Brady's sense of humour happened to be in sync with the foreman's which, according to Brady, was a good thing.

"It's funny 'cos normally you're the teacher's pet," said Brady as I drove back out to the drop off point. I didn't reply. He jumped out of the car, and I knew he'd be in the forest and in his wolf form in just a few minutes. He left his shoes and shirt in the back, still grumbling about being "dumped."

Breaking all the speed limits to get back to the school, I arrived there exactly seven minutes too early – seven long, excruciating minutes knowing she was only metres away.

My hand was twitching Godamnit.

I started taking deep breaths, tempted to count the seconds away. So I started thinking instead.

Sam had been talking yesterday.

"You have to handle this situation very carefully," he'd said patronisingly.

"I know," I replied.

"It's not just her. All the other imprints have grown up around the pack members, or were at least _familiar_ with the legends. Jessie's a whole new ball game. She's the only imprint so far – 'sides Ness – who's not from the rez."

"Sam, I know all that. But we've only been going out for a few months. I'm just taking it slow for now. Trust me, Sam, I've got her best interests at heart."

My mind is jolted back to reality as the long, wailing siren pierced the silence. Within minutes the carpark was packed full of cars – and people – trying to escape.

I stepped out of the car, leaning against the front door, my arms folded. I didn't miss the looks the giggling girls threw at me – as Brady had once said, "Werewolf genes are the best for scoring chicks!" But none of them compared to Jessie.

I spotted her amongst the rush, her platinum hair making her stand out of the crowd of brunettes like an angel standing out in a crowd of mortals.

I couldn't help but smile.

There was a moment when I tensed as she crossed the road, and I realised I was subconciously checking for oncoming cars. I was tempted to help her across the road, ready to throw myself into the path of an oncoming car to save her.

Nope.

Too intense.

She made it safely across and stood in front of me, smiling shyly.

"Hi."

"Hi," I leaned forward, kissing her gently on the mouth, then taking her bag off of her and opening the passenger door for her. She slid in, blushing, and I was grinning broadly and my mind had completely blanked out anything else.

I jumped into the car, carefully backing out and within minutes we were on the free way.

"So, how was your day?" I asked conversationally. She giggled, then said, "You sound like Christie, she says that everytime I come home from school."

I laughed. "You know, I love how you do that."

"Do what?" she asked, blushing furiously.

"Instead of answering the question, you start being all conventional," I said teasingly. Her blush darkened again and almost automatically I reached across, pressing my open palm to her cheek.

"I love it when you blush," I said fondly.

"You say that every time I blush, and I blush a lot," said Jessie pointedly with a smile. She reached up and pulled my hand off of her face - but then she interlocked her fingers with mine, holding my hand on her lap.

I couldn't help but smile.

_And then you graduate_

_And take a look around, and you say, Hey, wait!_

_This is the same as where I just came from_

_I thought it was over_

_Aww, that's just great..._

**AN: Yeahhh, sort of seems like a filler, but it's just settin things up for the next chappy :)**

**LOVE AS ALWAYS to **Brookieb1996**,** rachbehappy and **everyone else who reviewed – thankyou so much! Special shout out to genies9 for your incessant poking... oO 3 The theme song: check it out if you haven't heard it, it's not really a theme song I just couldn't think of anything else haha**

**Sozzy for taking so long!!!!! I'm sittin on two-three chappys atm, its just a question of getting them onto the comp...**

**Homework and projects are absolutely awful, I'm procrastinating as we speak, hehe**

**Went to a writer's convention today, lots of fun! :P Garth Nix was there, one of my fave fantasy writers so that was sweet :) Cept all of the authors dissed twilight .**

**But its Ok. Me and Izzy figured it out. They're just jealous cos twilight's got international fame and fanatics of their books on this site writing fan fiction 24/7...**

**like me**

**;)**

**Lena xo**


	11. Chapter X: Things I Fear

Chapter X

**AN: For those who haven't read You Belong With Me: A quick note. Kaylie is off the rez, which means she has black hair and tan skin, and brown eyes. Its just important for this chapter :)**

**Lena xo**

_I couldn't tell you_

_Why she felt that way_

_She felt it everyday_

_And I couldn't tell her_

_I just watched her make _

_The same mistakes again_

→ Nobody's Home, Avril Lavigne

"We'd better get to sleep, now, Jess," said Bethany as the last disc finished. I didn't reply, my eyes wide as I watched her stand, then stretch her arms above me.

When he left me, Bethany came back. She had tried to tell me that it wasn't her, but I knew better. She spoke liked Beth and acted like Beth and she looked like Beth – her long, straight mousey brown hair was now in a bun, her green eyes watching me.

"I don't like it when you go, Beth," I said to her. "I don't like those women who come to look after me when you're gone."

Beth sighed and sat back on the lounge, twisting her fingers through her hair. "You know I have college, Jess."

"With Seth and Kaylie," I confirmed. Beth smiled sadly. "Yes. But it's ok, because after this year I'll finish college, and then I'll come back and see you everyday."

I smiled, then a yawn escaped. Beth laughed.

"Alright, you better get to bed. I'll clean up here," she added after me as I jumped up off the couch, running to the bed.

I slid between the cool, clean material of the blankets, laying my head on the pillow and closing my eyes.

I loved sleeping, because when I dreamt, I slept. And when I slept, he came back to me.

_I was back here, standing alone in the sunlit field._

"_Collin?" I called, waiting for him to come. He always came when I called him._

"_Collin?!" I yelled, now worried._

_Shadows began dancing at the edges of the field. I looked up, but there was only the bright blue sky, tinted with orange in the horizon as the sun began to set._

_Looking back down to the grass, the light was bending and twisting as a dark hole opened up at the horizon._

_Strong fingers locked around my wrist. I cried out, pulling back, but then I realised who it was._

"_Collin!"_

_He began pulling me, screaming, "RUN!" _

_I ran with him as the darkness behind us grew. It started to pull in the light, like some sort of tornado, and I could hear thunder in the sky darkened overhead._

"_THERE'S NO TIME! RUN!" roared Collin. I stumbled, tripping, and felt cold ice as the shadows behind me licked my bare feet. But Collin was there pulling me up, yelling "Run faster!!!"_

_His arm was around me and we ran, stumbling over rocks and soon smooth pavement as the field was sucked into the darkness and we were sprinting along a bitumen road._

_I could feel the rain like bullets pelting onto my skin. The thunder was grumbling louder, Collin was yelling in my ear. Lightning flashed and my feet were sore and bleeding, and behind us the darkness was swallowing up the road, always coming closer._

_Suddenly, ahead of me, I saw white light – Collin screamed "ALMOST THERE!" He gave me one last push and I stumbled into the blinding light; I quickly looked back only to see the darkness swallowing Collin – but it could not go beyond the white light._

"_COLLIN!" I screamed, but strong arms locked around me, holding me back as I tried to run to him._

"_Let me go with him!!!" I begged, tears running down my face, but the more I struggled the tighter the arms grew._

"_Shhh, please Jessie. He wouldn't want that. He'd never want that."_

My eyes opened and I was in my bed, still struggling against Beth's arms. Realising I was back here, I began sobbing. Collin kept trying to push me into the light.

But without him here, it was darkness anyway.

XxX

She kissed me on the cheek, her big green eyes on me.

"I love you."

"Love you too," I said automatically. But I was scared.

"You're going to come back?" I whispered, my arms subconsciously locking around her.

"Always," she promised, but I didn't let go.

"Say hi to Seth and Kaylie for me," I said.

Rachel, the lady who was coming to look after me for the next few days, reached for my fingers, trying to prise them from around my Beth's neck.

"Come on, sweetie, she's gotta leave," said Rachel softly.

"You can't leave me. YOU CAN'T!" I screeched. "BECAUSE YOU WON'T COME BACK! Beth stay with me!"

She turned away, tears rolling down her face.

"DON'T! BETH!" I screamed, clawing at Rachel's arms that were locked around me.

"I will come back," said Beth as she walked out into the rain.

"That's what Collin said," I whispered, my heart hammering, my gasping breaths so loud. I felt like I was sinking, and whatever was inside me was collapsing. It was the first time I'd said his name since...

Kaylie's P.o.V

My departure was like all the others before it – Jessie, at first begging me not to go, then screaming and physically trying to stop me. But as I got into Seth's car, the reason I was crying wasn't because I was leaving her – it was because of the lie I lived to her face. The first time I'd come back from college after Collin passed away... Jessie had started calling me Beth. I thought it was just a symptom of depression, but it didn't take me long to realise that when she looked at me, she _saw_ her dead sister. I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise, but it was killing me all the same.

"Are you ok?" cut in Seth's voice. He watched me out of the corner of his eyes, concern apparent all over his face.

"I'm fine, just keep going," I said quickly, brushing the tears from my face.

XxX

"_So, what's his name again?" asked Megan teasingly. I could feel my cheeks heating up._

"_Collin Meyers," I said quietly, and I heard Steph in the seat behind me clap her hands and squeal._

"_He's soooooooo friggin hot, you shoulda been there Megan!!! And they were like making out in the car and then someone," said Steph with a pointed look at the girl seated next to me, "had to go and ruin the moment."_

_Anna grinned ruthlessly. "The girl was gonna be late for school. Anyway, she owes me, you're forgetting who matched her up with that guy."_

_They giggled and I sighed and rolled my eyes. I'd been surrounded by this since Junior High, but that didn't make it any more bearable._

"_Ok, so you were caught snogging him, what two weeks ago--" said Megan, but Anna cut in with a shudder._

"_Don't say snog. It's just... ew. A gross word."_

_Megan grinned. "I don't like the word either, I only say it to piss you off. Anyways, as I was saying," she said while Anna groaned, "The others met him about two weeks ago, and you've been dating for how long?"_

"_Umm, a couple of months I guess," I said quietly. Three months, two weeks and five days if you really want to be accurate..._

"_And? What's he like? As a boyfriend? Does he treat you right and all that?" asked Steph excitedly. Anna glowered. "Cos if he tries anything..."_

_I just sighed. "He's perfect."_

_The siren went off and we were let out of health class – not that any of us, including the teacher, was really caring what was going on during the last session of a Friday – and we all left Anna at the entrance of the school._

"_I hate choir," she grumbled. "Why did you quit it and ditch me anyways?"_

_I smiled at her. "'Cos I'm not going to be a singer for a career, so what's the point?"_

"_Aww, come on Jess, you're good enough to," she said. I laughed as we walked away._

"_Bye Anna."_

_We – Me, Steph and Megan – met up with Alicia at the gates and started walking down one of the streets to the train station._

"_You're not catching the bus?" Alicia grumbled, and I just smiled at her._

"_Her boyyyyyfriend is picking her up," said Megan teasingly. _

"_I still can't believe I missed him," huffed Alicia. "Anna's going on about how awesome a matchmaker she is, and I know you don't talk about him much, but you've changed Jessie," she said wisely. I just laughed again, tightening my arms around the textbooks that are clasped tightly to me._

"_Where's he picking you up anyway?"_

"_Umm, on James Avenue, he's working on a house there--"_

_At that moment, we turned the corner_

_And I was met by the best sight that I have ever seen – and will ever see - in my life._

_Collin had his head tipped to the sky, his arms above him holding a container that tipped all over him. The water was running down his chest and stomach... ALL bare, and as he turned, I could see the muscles in his back stretching and moving over his shoulder blades..._

_I quickly closed my mouth and made sure there was no drool on my chin._

_I'd figured the guy was ripped, but seeing him was something else altogether._

_I got the same thoughts I always did whenever I even looked at him. He's too damn good for me. He could be with a supermodel so why on EARTH would he be with ME?!_

_He shook his head like a dog, shaking water everywhere, and it suddenly hits me that my friends have a very similar expression on their faces to mine._

_Suddenly he opened his eyes, and his face broke into a smile as he sees me. I smiled shyly back at them, fully aware that my whole face is burning red and my hands on the books in front of me are shaking._

_His eyes paused for a moment on my friends next to me, then he pulled on his shirt. Damn, I thought automatically. I know it's another reminder that I don't deserve him but..._

"_I'm off," Collin called to one of the workmen on the roof. But another Quileute guy – taller than Collin but with just as much muscles – came forward, his right hand extended. I'd seen him before in the diner – was it Bradley? - but we'd never really spoken before._

"_Ssup, I'm Brady, and you must be Collin's fuck buddy."_

"_Er..." I stutter, caught off guard as I shake the hand. "I-I'm Jessie," I finally manage to blurt out. Our hands dropped – his skin was burning hot, just like Collin's – and he turned to my friends with a wink. "And which ladies here do I have the pleasure of meeting..."_

_I came forward to Collin, who had his head in his hands. "Hi," I said shyly. I know it sounds strange, but I always felt... safe whenever he was around. But that didn't stop my shyness, which always seemed to jump in front of me like a chokehold._

"_Hey beautiful," he said with a smile, leaning in to kiss me on the lips. I got the typical butterflies in my stomach that always came whenever he said something like that._

"_Sorry I'm all wet," he added but I was preoccupied with I watching as some of the water dripped from his hair into his face._

"_Jessie probably is now, too!" yelled out Brady, making the girls giggle and me blush even more. Scowling at Brady, Collin took my bag and my books, wrapping his other arm around me. On impulse I slid my arm around his waist while Collin spoke to Brady._

"_We're heading off. Do you wanna lift?" I blinked, realising I had been watching his mouth move while he was talking. God I loved his lips..._

"_I'm good, I'm gonna meet Seth at the airport," replied Brady casually. In a strange moment I saw Collin give Brady some sort of look, but Brady said, "She's getting a lift with her parents," and Collin's face relaxed. _

"_I'll see you tonight," Brady added. "Pleasure to meet you Jess," he said with a wink as Collin and I started walking down the pathway. I waved to Alicia, Steph and Megan and they waved back with a half-hearted glance in my direction, still being focussed on Brady._

_I could feel Collin's heated side pressed against mine, and his arm around me, and I automatically leaned in closer before I realised what I was doing – but Collin's arm just tightened that little bit more around me._

_Collin might be too good for me, and he might break my heart one day, but somehow it all seemed worth it if I could have this moment right here._

XxX

_Her feelings she hides_

_Her dreams she can't find_

_She's losing her mind_

_She's falling behind_

_She can't find her place_

_She's losing her faith_

_She's falling from grace_

_She's all over the place_

**AN: SHHHHHHHH I'm not sposed to be up!!! But I couldn't help it I just HAD to get this chappy out of my system. Good news – I've nearly finished the next one too :)**

**Much love to **BloodlustedInk07 **:) and I'm kinda choked up atm cos turns out we've got two writing comps in English, and I am AWFFFULLL at writing two stories at once, which means I have to get Here Without You out of my system before I enter those ones!!! But I don't wanna rush this either :)**

**Plussss, my cuz's bday today, my bro's on Saturday, and mine on Tuesday!!!! Can't wait :) One year closer to dying...**

**Oh yes. I'm so optimistic.**

**But anyways, keep an eye out on Jessie's side of things... something big(gish) is gonna happen real soon, I promise**

**Lena xo**


	12. Chapter XI: Stay With Me

CHAPTER XI

_I finally found the nerve to confess_

_That it's you, that I want_

_Don't care if I have to fool_

_I would damn near beg for you_

_Put aside all my pride_

_Don't keep me hanging here_

→ Stupid For You, Marie Digby

For once, I was away from Jessie but I was in a good mood. It had been nearly a month since we'd started working for the company and today Brady and I had signed a contract guaranteeing us 2 years of work.

Best of all, we'd been moved to a construction site – a house that was only 100m from the school.

I knew there was still half an hour 'till school – and us – broke out, but I was tense and my eyes kept straying to the direction of the school.

"Collin. Think whatever dirty thoughts you want about her _after_ the job's done," said Brady out of the corner of his mouth. We were lifting galvanised steel rafters up to the roof – four men, standing on the scaffolding, grunted as they slid the steel into place.

As the other three men drilled it in with power tools, the last one grinned at us.

"Jeez, you guys can lift twice as much as any of us. I don't see how you can get the time to work here and get to a gym."

Brady flexed his arms above his head. "Genetics, my friend."

Brady pushed a helmet with a plastic face guard onto his head, starting up the metal grinder. Hot sparks began flying and I winced as the piercing screech of metal on metal hit my hypersensitive ears.

I looked up, the sky dark with clouds. It was unusually hot today with the clouds keeping the moisture in and the humidity up. I stripped off my shirt, going to the water bottles in the back of the ute and picking up mine – then I tensed up immediately as, in the distance, I heard the siren go off.

"Not yet!" yelled the foreman over the power tools. "We're nearly finished Collin!"

I sighed, tying my shirt around my waist. Above Port Angeles thunder rumbled, threatening to dump rain on us despite the humidity. I was sweating like crazy.

I picked up the bottle full of ice-cold water and poured it onto myself, sighing as the cold water hit my hot skin, running out through my hair and into my eyes. I shook my head like a dog, spraying water everywhere, and her scent hit me.

I opened my eyes to see Jessie, her eyes wide, her face bright red and her heartbeat going faster than ever. On her arm was a shoulder bag, and a few files were clasped tightly in her arms.

It took me awhile to notice the other girls next to her – all four of them with their mouths open as they watched me.

I quickly pulled the shirt back on.

"I'm off," I said to the foreman. I had to get out of here before--

"Sup, I'm Brady, and you must be Collin's fuck buddy."

My head dropped into my hands. It was too late – her innocence was doomed.

"Er..." said Jessie confused, but shaking the pro-offered hand. "I'm Jessie," she finally stuttered. Brady gave a very obvious wink to the other girls behind her. "And which ladies do I have the pleasure of meeting..." They all giggled and began talking to Brady – blood flirt that he was – but Jessie tentatively came forward to me.

"Hi," she said with her small smile.

"Hey beautiful," I answered her softly, kissing her on the lips.

"Sorry, I'm all wet," I muttered. Brady suddenly yelled "Jessie probably is too!" making his girlfriends burst into giggles and mine blush furiously.

I scowled, taking Jessie's bag and tucking her books under my arm, before putting my free arm around Jessie and tugging her in closer. She slipped her arm around my waist and I turned to Brady.

"We're heading off. Do you wanna lift?"

"I'm good, I'm gonna meet Seth at the airport," replied Brady in a casual tone. I raised my eyebrows. Brady was going to phase and meet Seth at the airport, then they'd phase and run back. But what about Kaylie?

"She's getting a lift with her parents," added Brady before I could ask. His eyes flashed to my arm at Jessie's waist.

"I'll see you tonight," added Brady. "Pleasure to meet you Jess," he added with a wink as we walked away.

Rachel was giving Emily a break and was hosting dinner tonight. Sam and I had talked it over and agreed that Jessie wouldn't come up to the Rez just yet.

Next to me, as we walked along, Jessie leaned into my side and I automatically tightened my arm around her.

XxX

I jumped out of the car and walked around to the passenger door, opening it, but she stayed on the seat, fiddling with her phone in her lap.

"Is everything ok?" I asked urgently. She started, then relaxed and smiled her small smile. "I'm fine."

She stepped out, and I handed her her bag, kissed her on the cheek, and walked back and around to the car.

"Wait," said Jessie so softly that I almost missed it.

"Ummm... are you doing anything now?" she asked. "I mean after this. A-After you drop me off, I mean..."

I smiled at her shyness. "I'm not doing anything for a few hours. Why?"

"D-Do you want to stay with me?" she whispered.

I grinned. "I'd love to."

It felt strange, locking the car and leaving it in the driveway instead of the middle of the forest.

Jessie was fumbling with her keys at the front door, her fingers trembling, and I reached around her and closed my hand over her fingers. She looked up at me and I moved in ever so slightly so that I was standing directly behind her, her back pressed to my chest. I buried my face into her hair, breathing in her scent, sneaking my other arm in around her waist. I felt her whole body relax as she breathed deeply.

"Thanks," she whispered, and I reluctantly stepped back. She unlocked and opened the door and we walked through.  
She dumped her stuff next to the door and gave me 'the tour.' The house was two storeys but only had two bedrooms. Most of the walls were white and the furniture was simplistic.

We were in the small kitchen – black and white tiles, and what looked like granite bench tops.

I sat down on one of the chairs at the bench and Jessie stood at the open fridge door."What do you want? We've got coffee, juice, ice tea..."

I laughed. "Ice tea." She pulled out the plastic bottle, placing it and two glasses on the bench in front of me.

"Christie isn't here?" I guessed as Jessie rummaged through the fridge. She hadn't taken me to the top floor yet – where all the bedrooms were – but I hadn't heard anyone else moving around the house. Jessie seemed to wince.

"No," she said finally. "She's working late tonight." I didn't press the issue – not if it was going to move the smile an inch from her face.

I was quiet, watching her as she emptied a packet of corn chips into a large bowl, and smother it in hot sauce and grated cheese.

"I know you like to eat a lot," she said with a smile, and I rolled my eyes.

"So, what do you wanna do?" she asked, leaning on the counter, arms folded in front of her.

As if in answer to her question, thunder rumbled and rain began to pound on the roof. I had barely noticed the storm moving in so quickly.

"Movie," I said immediately. "But no chick flicks." Jessie just giggled.

"Jackie Chan it is."

An hour later a movie that looked like it had been made in the 60's was playing – it was in colour and all the voices had been dubbed over. A hell of a lot of kicking and rolling was happening and even more cars and houses were being blowing up – it was probably real since back in those days I doubt they had special effects.

I was lying back into the corner of the sofa, and Jessie was in my lap and leaning into me. My arms were around here and the now empty nacho bowl was at her feet, while through her glasses her eyes were fixed on the screen.

I moved her hair, placing small kisses on the pale skin on the back of her neck, untouched by the sun. She sighed , closing her eyes and leaning back into me more.

"You should do your homework," I murmured in her ear, teasing her glasses off and putting it on the arm rest next to me, before starting to kiss the tendon in her neck.

"Mmm," she said, her breathing erratic and a blush rushing to her face. "I like this better."

I chuckled. "So do I. But you should hardly give up on your education."

"I'm not. I'm sure you could teach me a lot," she said shyly, her hand moving onto my knee. My heart rate speeding up just at her words, let alone her touch.

"This isn't healthy," I warned her as she leaned into me more.

"It isn't?" she repeated, shifting against me slightly. I chuckled again, placing my head in the cleft between her shoulder and her neck. I could hear her pulse right next to my ear.

On my leg her hand moved up slightly.

"No," I sighed. "This isn't." My hands edged up under the hem of her shirt, my fingers contacting the cool skin on the curve of her waist. I hesitated, checking her reaction, but she took another deep breath, relaxing even more into me.

Suddenly I flipped her over so she was lying on her back and I was hovering over her.

Her eyes, big and grey in this light, locked onto mine. Still watching me, she slowly slid her hands up over my shoulders and onto my neck.

I leaned down, kissing her full on the mouth, slipping my tongue into her throat. The inside of her mouth was warm and tasted like ice tea, I thought detachedly.

She broke off the kiss too soon and I moaned, trying to kiss her again, but she giggled and started to use her tongue to trace my collarbones. I took in a shuddering breath, burying my face in her hair, while she placed kisses all down my neck.

I suddenly realised then that my hands were under her shirt, on the soft skin over her ribs and heading higher. Her hand had somehow slipped back down to my leg and was inching up the inside of my thigh. I began to worry. We were alone in this house for a few more hours and Jessie didn't look like she wanted to stop any time soon.

"Shit," I whispered, my hands still heading higher. It almost physically hurt me to sit up and move back.

Jessie looked almost... disappointed. She was flushed, her eyes were sparkling and her breathing was hitched. Like mine.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked sadly, but I laughed, then sighed.

"No. You can't help being perfect." I leaned forward, my hand on her cheek, and kissed her gently on the mouth. She leaned into it, but I pulled back, kissing her forehead instead.

"Please, get me something to distract me from you."

She giggled. "Hmm, ok..." she kissed me on the cheek. "Go into the kitchen and wait for me. I need to get changed, it's getting dark." She kissed my cheek again, then disappeared upstairs.

I looked out, surprised – it was still raining and the thunderstorm clouds were still in the sky. But it was nearly 7 already.

"Shoot," I muttered, flipping my phone open and texting Paul to let him know I wouldn't make it tonight.

I was sitting at the bench of the kitchen when across from me, their phone rang.

Without thinking, I picked it up and brought it to my ear.

Then I realised what I was doing. If it was Christie, I was doomed.

It was being at Sam's too much, I thought dimly. At Sam's it was usually only one of the pack ringing anyway so whoever was closest to the phone answered it.

Instead of Christie, though, I had a shrill voice yell in my ear, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE!"

I froze.

"JESSIE!" I roared. I heard quick footsteps and she appeared in the doorway.

"What is it?"

But I was temporarily sidetracked. She was wearing knee-length black leggings, and a big grey singlet. The singlet had a black-and-yellow smiley face smack bang in the middle – you know, like the emoticon. I just sat there staring at her, wondering how someone could look that tempting with just pyjamas on.

"Collin?"

What was I going to say? I thought distractedly. It was important.

"Collin? Are you ok?"

Her lips were smiling her small smile again, and her eyes seemed green.

"Who is it?"

Phone. Anna. Birthday. What was left of my intelligence pieced the words together.

"She'll call you back," I said into the phone before hanging up.

"It's your birthday?"

Jessie just blushed. She didn't say anything.

"Any reason?" I asked. She intertwined her fingers nervously, stepping closer to me.

"I don't like the attention," she said finally. "Anna knows that, she always calls me after school."

"You wouldn't let me get you a present?" I asked sceptically. Her nose crinkled, like a child's.

"I always feel guilty on my birthday, 'cos I'm the only one getting presents."

I laughed. "That's a strange theory."

She smiled shyly, shrugging. "It's true."

I scowled, thinking. "It's not. People give you presents because they love you. That's why I want to give you something."

Jessie smiled. "I guess. But..."

"But?"

"You gave me a birthday present." She was really blushing now, her heart hammering like crazy. I was confused.

"I did? What?"

"You stayed with me."

I smiled now, and stood up, standing directly in front of me. "That's cheating," I murmured, taking her hands in mine. She just gave me her small smile. I pulled her in closer, wrapping my arms around her, slipping my hand under her singlet so it was resting on the small of her back.

She sighed, laying her head on my shoulder.

"How long are you staying?" she asked softly. I grinned. "As long as it takes for Christie to get here."

Jessie giggled. "She didn't mean it..."

"I'm sure she did," I mumbled back.

I had had Jessie against my car, softly kissing her neck, when I felt a hand hit my head and a crisp accent telling me, "Keep your hands where I can see them."

"Why is Christie away on your birthday?" I wondered out loud. I felt Jessie tense against me.

"Money's tight at the moment," she finally said.

"Then why'd you quit your job?" I asked. A few weeks after I met her Jessie had pulled out of working at Robinson's Diner. Anna had blamed it on me, but Jess later told me that she'd been planning to quit for awhile.

"Christie," said Jess with her nose crinkling again. "She won't let me work any more. Wants me to focus on my studies. Not like I want to go anywhere anyway."

I frowned slightly, my hand sliding a little further up her spine – the smoothness of her skin was driving me crazy.

"You don't want to go to college?" I asked, surprised.

Jessie shook her head. "I'm only average at school. There's nothing I want to do particularly."

"No career?"

"No. If I have a family," said Jessie in an even softer voice than usual, "then I'll be happy."

My arms instinctively tightened at her words, pulling her in closer to me.

"Anyway," said Jessie in a brighter voice. "Can you cook?"

"God no," I said automatically. She giggled, stepping back out of my arms and moving to the kitchen.

"I need a birthday cake, don't I?" She was smiling broadly now as she pulled out a thick blue book from the cupboard and opened it to a random page.

"Chocolate-jam layered cake... we have all the ingredients. What do you say?"

My mouth dropped open.

"You're serious?"

Jessie just smiled up at me.

XxX

I thought the recipe said self-raising."

I glanced at the page. "It does. What's the difference?"

Jessie smiled up at me. "One makes a cake, the other makes a lump of chocolate." She handed me the right jar of flour before heading to the pantry to find cocoa.

"4 cups," I read from the recipe. I opened the cupboard under the bench and pulled out a mug.

"One... two..." I counted, before putting the cup in the sink.

"What next?" I asked confused.

"Sugar!" said Jess from the pantry without even looking up. I reached over for the packet and looked at the recipe. Three-quarter cups? I grabbed a handful of sugar and dumped it in the bowl. That would do. Yes. Emily would be proud.

Four eggs. I cracked the first one, swearing as half of the egg shell went into the bowl as well.

"What happened?" asked Jessie, coming over with a tin in her hand. She giggled when she saw what had happened. She fished the egg shell out of the bowl, putting it in the bin.

"It might be safer if you do it," I mumbled.

"Safer?" she asked.

"Yeah. Unless you want food poisoning..." She giggled, reaching for the cocoa tin.

"Come on, it's not hard. Please try?" she asked, her eyes big and blue. I reached for the tin and she gave me a plastic yellow spoon.

"Five teaspoons," she instructed, and I counted them out.

"One... two..."

"Can't you count to five in your head?" she teased and I rolled my eyes playfully. Suddenly my hand moved and the fine cocoa dust exploded into the air and all over me.

I jumped back and Jessie started laughing. I scowled, reaching up to try and brush the thick layer of chocolate powder off of the skin on my neck.

Jessie had stopped laughing now and was watching me with wide eyes. Still keeping contact with me, she moved forward and inclined her head, slowly leaning in, pausing before she slowly licked the chocolate off of the hot skin of my neck.

I shuddered.

To my disappointment, the doorbell rung and Jessie suddenly whispered, "Shoot. Christie's here."

"Oh," I said. "I'll have to go..." I started walking to the door, but a hand wrapped around my wrist, holding me back.

"Please stay with me," Jessie whispered. Her grey eyes held me rooted to the spot, to the centre of the world, to _her - _I didn't have the power to say no.

"Where do I hide?"

She giggled. "Go upstairs, first door to the left."

I bolted upstairs while Jessie went and unlocked the door.

"Happy birthday Jessica!" said Christie's thick accent – I think it was German. "Sorry, I lost my keys again..."

"It's fine," said Jessie happily and I heard footsteps, then--

"What happened here?"

The kitchen, I realised. Shoot.

"Oh, uh, I-- um, tripped. When I was baking a cake," said Jessie. Christie laughed.

"Yes, a cake is appropriate on the birthday. But where is Collin? I saw his car parked outside.

_Shit_, I thought. No way we could get out of this one.

"Oh, car trouble. Collin left about half an hour ago, his friend Brady picked him up. Collin said he'd try pick it up tomorrow morning." I let out a breath of air that I hadn't even realised I'd been holding.

"Well, Jessie, you should go upstairs, it's late. I'll finish up here."

"But Christie--"

"No, it's your birthday. Let me make the cake."

There was silence and I knew they were hugging.

"Thank you Christie. For everything."

"Your welcome, Jessica."

I heard steps coming upstairs and waited at the door. In the dark Jessie bumped into me. I caught her, steadying her.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"It's fine," I murmured back.

I suddenly realised how intimate the situation was – me and her alone in a dark room. It wasn't just the physical closeness – it was the emotions too. Everything I felt and ever would feel was focussed on this one girl in front of me

She was my reason for living.

Jessie gently closed the bedroom door, locking it, and without a word took my hand and led me to her bed. She climbed in between the sheets, moving over so that there was enough room for me to slip in next to her.

"Are you ok?" I whispered once I was next to her, my face was near her hair and I was inhaling her vanilla-y scent; my hand was under her singlet, resting on the soft skin at the curve of her waist; I was lying close to her, and I could tell her eyes were shut as she took slow, steady breaths in and out.

"Say it again," she said finally.

"Say what?" I murmured, moving as close to her as I could.

"That you love me."

I smiled. "I love you Jessie, with all of my heart and soul, and will always be here no matter what."

Jessie sighed happily. "I love you too Collin."

And that was how we fell asleep.

_Why's it I always feel like I am_

_Chasing love when nothing's there?_

_So here I go just making the same mistakes..._

_Falling stupid for you._

**AN: Yesssss, fluff for the win... this chapter was always going to be long, but I feel you deserve it after my "break" - ie, the virus hacking into my computer and eating everything... oO But it's all good now :D**

**Love as always to Izzy, and a BIIIIGGGG thankyou to **. **for your message :) made me get a move on and finish this chapter faster.**

**I'm really hyper cos I've got two more ideas, moving fast... one starring a "next generation" sort of werewolf story, but with a little twist... and a story to do with two key words: Trey and Transylvannia... I started it BEFORE this one, but only now has the writer's block cleared up so only now will I finally put it up :)**

**I love being a writer**

**Andddd I'm finally gonna buy the Twilight books :D hehe**

**I'm a little worried about this story 'cos I know exactly where it's going, It's just how it's gonna get there... **

**Love always,**

**Lena xo **


	13. Chapter XII: Tears of Silver

Chapter XII

_I'm strong on the surface_

_Not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect_

_But neither have you_

→ Leave Out All The Rest, Linkin Park

It was silver.

The little box in my hand.

My last birthday gift from him.

I'd protested. Yelled. Begged. Sulked. But on the 16th of September I had woken up to find this on my bedside table.

I turned it over in my hands now, and hesitated before opening the little box.

As always, I winced, the proud gold emblem of the most expensive jeweller in town shining in my face. It had always made me feel guilty but now it made me smile sadly. Collin always insisted on the best for me, even thought I had him.

I _had _the best.

Once upon a time.

I gently prised the silver earring from it's place. It was a tear drop. How... relevant, I thought with a sigh. Tears were all that were around now.

I put the earrings on, my fingers trembling. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, the silver in my ears reflected the light.

I didn't smile.

I wandered through the rooms of the unit. Emily lay on the lounge, eyes shut, breathing peacefully. I didn't disturb her.

Above me rain began to pitter-patter on the roof but Emily still didn't wake.

I moved to the kitchen and started searching through the shelves of food, and that was when I heard it behind me.

A whisper. And I knew the voice – it haunted my nightmares.

"_Silver..._" it whispered.

I froze, my hand snaking instinctively to my ears.

It was gone.

I checked my other ear. It was gone too. I began to panic – I couldn't see the ground because I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I fell forward on my hands and knees, peering anxiously over the ground, but there was nothing on the green lino.

My breathing started to hitch and I felt the world start to spin. I whimpered, collapsing on the ground as the world grew darker and the voice whispered in my ear.

"_I have them_..." it taunted, laughing. I gripped the side of the bench, trying to pull myself up but I felt a tight hand grip my wrist and try to pull me back down. The pressure was around my head and on my lungs and I couldn't see and it was behind me, breathing down my neck. I screamed at its cold touch, and I grasped the drawer, dragging it down with me as it pulled me to the floor.

The darkness was growing and the kitchen seemed smaller, making me feel claustrophobic. I hunched into a ball, my arms over my head as it came closer.

"_Jessie_..." it whispered into my ear. "_I'm coming_." Around me silver cutlery glinted in the darkness. I felt its cold hands at my neck, and I grasped desperately at the first silver thing within my reach.

A kitchen knife.

I turned, trying to stab at the monster but it laughed as the knife went through it like air.

I could not kill it, I realised.

But there was something I could kill.

I pressed the blade gently to the soft skin of my wrist, nicking the surface. A line of red seeped out. I felt the pressure on my head release slightly, and the voice of the monster became more distant. For the first time in a long time, I was at something like peace.

If this was what death was like, it was better than the hell I was living now. My hand tightened around the handle, ready to push it deeper--

But I heard it

Two soft chinks of something metal hitting the ground.

I opened my eyes and saw two earrings next to me on the ground.

I started to cry as I dropped the knife and reached for them, the silver tear drops, and I cradled them in my hand. The whispering became even more faint until it disappeared, and I could see the kitchen clearly again and hear Emily sleeping as if nothing had happened.

It wasn't fair, I wanted to leave this, and to join _him_, but I couldn't. Not because I wasn't brave enough.  
But because he wouldn't let me.

XxX

_I opened my eyes and looked down to see myself dressed in white. I tried to stand up and walk, and I felt so light and graceful, like air. I looked down and was shocked to see myself standing on clouds._

"What..."_Above me was a blue sky and the sun, illuminating all around me. In the distance there were people also dressed in white, but their faces were blurred and I didn't take any notice of them._

_I began walking along until I was suddenly standing on the edge of the clouds. As I looked down, I realised that I could see the whole world. But I scanned it for the one building I was familiar with – the red-tiled roof of my unit. There were a million buildings, but when I blinked it was like I had zoomed in on the world, and only one hundred metres below me was the apartment._

_I blinked again, and it was if the roof had been removed – I could see right through into the rooms. There was Emily still sleeping, I thought with a smile at the figure lounged on the chair. It wasn't her fault, I tended to keep her awake because of my nightmares._

_But in the kitchen was-- _

"Collin," _I whispered. I had to get down to him. I stood up, prepared to jump up off the edge of the clouds, but it was like there was an invisible barrier. I pushed and prodded and searched for some kind of opening but the wall was solid. So I sat back down on my knees and watched him._

_I was so, so fearful as the darkness appeared, surrounding him, until he couldn't breathe. I tried to scream but no sound came out of my mouth. He curled into a ball on the corner, trying to hide from the darkness, but it was always there, always crushing him._

_I don't know why, but I reached up and felt the earrings in my lobes. I quickly unclasped them, dropping them down into the house. They landed next to Collin, and I could hear the _chink _as they hit the floor. He looked up and reached them – and the darkness receded, but it was never gone._

"Please be happy," _I whispered, wishing it with everything I had. And I wished I had never met him so that he wouldn't miss me and wouldn't suffer..._

XxX

I was watching my videos.

_Rap-rap_.

"I'll get it," said Emily. She stood up. I just watched the TV. It was Emily's anniversary. The first time I had come to La Push. The camera zooms in on us. Two girls sitting on the edge of the lawn away from everyone else. Me and Kaylie.

I frown. Kaylie hasn't visited me in a long time.

The talking from the front door grows louder.

"Let me come in and leave this." The voice is familiar.

"I can do it," said Emily quickly.

"No it's ok, I know where to leave it so that she'll find it," insists the voice.

I gasp.

"Anna?! Is that you?!" I cried, jumping up from the couch. I push past Emily and into the arms of my best friend.

She just stands there in shock, before pushing me back slightly to take a good look at me. Her mouth dropped open before she turned to Emily.

"What have you _done_ to her?!" she shrieked at Emily. I frowned. I liked Emily.

"I can explain--"

"Or was it her good-for-nothing-boyfriend?! Because I swore that if he hurt her again, I would--"

I couldn't help it – I began to cry and I tried to run.

"No, Jessie," Anna pleads with me, her face suddenly scared. "Please don't go. Tell me what's going on."

Instead I mumbled, "You wouldn't understand."

She frowns. "That's what you said when--"

Her face suddenly clears with recognition. She started shaking her head.

"Jessica..."

I started to sob louder and she pulled me into a hug.

"Oh Jessie," she whispered.

"Do you want to come in?" asked Emily sadly, stepping aside. Still hugging me, Anna walked with me through the doors and onto the lounge.

"How...?" she asked once the crying receded a bit.

I looked at Emily desperately. "I—I have to go," I whispered. "I'll be back soon."

I stumbled awkwardly into the bathroom, shutting the door. I slid down onto the floor, sitting on the cold tiles. I could hear them.

"Why didn't anyone _tell_ me?"

"I'm sorry, but with everything going on you slipped our mind."

Anna was tense. "She's a mess. She looks awful, _worse_ than awful. Can't you... can't you _do_ something?"

Emily was-- was crying??

"What do you we are trying to do?" she whispered. I don't like it when they talk about me.

"When... when Kaylie comes... she sees Beth."

There was a gasp. "Emily... look, I was there when... when it happened the first time around. She... she was like this last time. She locks up inside herself, but she comes back. She came back."

"But?"

Anna sounded sad. "She was quiet before the accident. But afterwards she was never the same."

I was sad.

I had tried to be happy.

For Anna. And for Christie.

But it didn't work.

I stood up and looked in the mirror.

My reflection looked back.  
I was ok.

Not awful.

Not amazing.

Just ok.

I heard Emily.

"This time... it's so much worse... they were engaged... it's difficult to explain..."

"Try me."

"They were soul mates," whispered Emily. I don't know how Anna reacted. She didn't believe in soul mates.

Neither had I. Until...

I was tired. Very tired. I curled up in a ball on the ground. I don't know how I fell asleep. But I did.

XxX

"Where were you?"

Anna smiled at me.

"Business negotiating, mostly. That's one of the reasons I came back. I just finished my first album!" she squealed and clapped her hands together and somewhere inside of me I found the strength to force a smile.

"That's great, Anna, it's amazing! I always knew you were gonna be a professional singer."

Anna paused, watching me.

"You know you had the talent to sing as well. You should've come with me."

I laughed bitterly. "Oh yes. Because I love the spotlight." Anna just grinned at me.

"Yeah yeah yeah always Little Miss 'run from the centre of attention.'" I rolled my eyes and she laughed.

"So how long are you in town?" Anna seemed a bit putt off by the question.

"Er... well..."

"Oh come on," I said, poking her in the shoulder. "You've been here for almost four days now."

"I was supposed to fly back after a night," Anna finally confessed.

My eyes nearly popped open.

"You're not serious."

"I wasn't going to leave you, with the condition you were in! That you _are_ in. It was never this bad, even before," said Anna sadly. "And I thought he'd fix your problems, not make it worse."

"He did. He had," I whispered, feeling myself on the brink of the darkness again.

"Even now. You're faking it. Like you always did," said Anna sadly. She hugged me, and I felt myself shaking, sobbing quietly.

"You've got to go though, Anna. You've got a life to live."

"And leave you here?" Anna looked shocked. "Don't be stupid. I'd be a failure as a friend."

I smiled through the tears. "You came back. You remembered li'l old me even with your big Hollywood career."

Anna clucked her tongue. "I said record deal, not millions of records sold. And one of the other reasons I came back was because you never answered any of my messages. The last I heard you two had gotten engaged, and then kaput. Nothing. I thought you were... well... doing stuff, so I left you alone for a bit. But three months seemed like enough space."

"Yeah," I said softly. Because that meant it was three months since...

I started to cry again.

XxX

I was curled up in the centre of the bed.

Don't.

No.

NO!

Its fingers were creeping up over the bed.

Collin

Please come back.

Stop it.

Its cold touch hit my ankle.

I screamed.

It whispered my name.

_Jessie..._

I can hear Collin screaming.

Its arms went around me.

Squeezing tighter and tighter and tighter...

I woke up.

I was breathing heavily, curled in a ball in the middle of the bed underneath all the thick blankets. I was sweating but was also shivering, my teeth chattering.

I heard it whisper my name again.

_Jessica_...

I pulled the blankets over my head, wishing the night would finish and it would be dawn already.

Even though I knew the sun was gone and he wasn't coming back.

_Forgetting all the hurt inside_

_You've learnt to hide so well_

_Pretending someone else can come_

_And save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are..._

**AN: There it is. Don't worry, I promise a change is coming soon. Actually I'm really eager to get that chappy up :)**

**I'm going to be going through most of my stories and doing any grammatical changes etc., esp You Belong With Me and this one. Thankyou to everyone who reviewed and who reads this :) Much love xx**

**Lena xo**


	14. Chapter XIII: Meet La Push

CHAPTER XIII

**AN: Sorry it's been awhile!!! Just a couple things before you read on:**

**This has a 'bonus' chapter of Jessie's PoV. I couldn't help it, 'cos when I first imagined this chapter it was from her point of view, but it didn't feel right as a memory... plus you guys deserve it :D**

**Lena xo**

**PS: By the way, these chapters are going too slow and Jessie's side of things is going too fast... so these chapters will be skipping a month, or three, and so on... but Jessie's side of things will practically be a day-by-day recount.**

_If I could say what I wanna say_

_I'd say I want to blow you away_

_Be with you every night_

_Am I squeezing you too tight?_

_If I could say what I wanna see_

_I wanna see you go down on one knee_

_Marry me today_

_Guess I'm wishing my life away_

_With these things I'll never say_

→ Things I'll Never Say, Avril Lavigne

_Tap tap_.

"Collin. Breathe."

"Christie's... intimidating, to say the least," I muttered. Kaylie laughed and the door opened. I felt a grin automatically cross my face at the sight of my imprint. She was wearing faded blue jeans, a rucksack that probably contained her overnight stuff, and a tight black T-shirt that I had trouble dragging my eyes from...but as my eyes went to her face, she smiled and I leaned in and gently kissed her lips.

"Hey," I whispered, my hand cupping her face, the blush light on her cheeks.

"Hi," she whispered back, and I didn't miss her eyes flicker towards Kaylie.

"This is Kaylie, and you've met Seth, sort of," I added, pointing to him sitting in the back of my car.

"This is Jessie, my girlfriend," I said to Kaylie, allowing the pride to seep into my voice – it was the first time I'd introduced her that way or even said it out loud. Although to me, the word 'girlfriend' didn't seem like enough...

"Hi, it's nice to finally meet you," said Kaylie enthusiastically, shaking Jessie's hand. "Collin talks about you so much," Kaylie added suggestively, giving me a sideways look. I flashed her a glare.

"Oh," stuttered Jessie, blushing in the presence of a new person.

Behind her appeared Christie, flanking Jessie like some sort of bodyguard.

"So, you've come to take my god-daughter away," she said dryly. Kaylie flashed a charming smile.

"Hi Ms Renalds, I'm Kaylie, a friend of Collin's," she said as they shook hands. "I'm here to answer any questions you might have about tonight."

"Why can't Collin answer them?" asked Christie suspiciously.

"Oh, I helped organise it. It's to celebrate my fiance's cousin's anniversary."

Fiance? That was news to me. I shot a look at Seth, whom I knew could hear the whole conversation. He grinned sheepishly.

"So how does it work? Where are you sleeping?" cut in Christie with her accent.

"Well, first we go to Emily's for lunch. Everyone from the Makah Rez, from Emily's side of the family, will be there. Then in the evening, the elders and the family and friends from the Quileute Reservation will be there for dinner. At night, if the weather's good like the forecast says, then just close friends and family-" the pack, in other words "-will be staying back for a bonfire. Then the girls will be sleeping inside the house and the guys will be sleeping outside on the back lawn. By the time we clean up tomorrow Jessie will be dropped off safe and sound in the afternoon."

Christie nodded, but she was still frowning. "Alright. But I want it known that my Jessie will not be allowed to consume any alcohol."

Kaylie looked shocked – or at least pretended to. "Alcohol? There will be children there, I doubt there will be much alcohol there." She flashed me a nervous glance, and I knew what she was thinking – last year, when Embry and Brady had somehow managed to get completely off their whack by four hours. But Christie didn't seem to notice because her face visibly relaxed and I realised that was probably why she had been so tense. This is why I brought Kaylie – the girl's a diplomat.

"Anyway," she continued smoothly, "We better hit the road or we'll miss it. It was a pleasure to meet you, Ms Renalds."

"Please, call me Christie," beamed the European woman and I frowned, just a bit. She'd never said that to _me_. Christie kissed Jessie on the cheek, telling her the usual to have fun and stay safe.

We headed back to the car, Kaylie slipping into the back seat next to Seth. I shouldered Jessie's bag and opened the door for her. She tentatively kissed me on the lips before jumping into the car. I heard Kaylie say, "Awwww," as Jessie blushed.

As I drove, I held Jessie's hand over the gears. In the backseat Seth had his arm around Kaylie and they were talking softly – nothing I couldn't hear, but then I was a little more preoccupied.

"Are you ok?" I murmured to Jessie, and she nodded but I saw her glance at the rear view mirror, where Seth and Kaylie were visible. There were new people, I told myself, that must be why she was so tense. And she _was_ tense – I couldn't feel it through her hand, or her body, but I could feel it in the air around her. Imprint bond, I guess – I should be happy, we'd been dating for almost 8 months now and I was finally bringing her to La Push, but all I could feel was nervous and tense. And worry, because I didn't want Jessie to feel either of those. I knew the pack would make her feel at home, but Jessie was naturally shy.

We pulled up in front of a supermarket and Jessie turned to me with the question on her lips.

"Supplies," I said with a grin. "Come on." I stepped out, and Jessie waited for me to walk around and open her door before stepping out. I took her hand, intertwining our fingers, and she smiled me one of her small smiles as we walked into the supermarket.

"What exactly do you mean by supplies?" she asked as I pulled out a shopping trolley, steering it through the shop with one hand and pulling Jessie into my side, my arm wrapped around her. We walked along the shelves until I picked out what I needed.

"Supplies for breakfast," I said as I picked out a packet of cinnamon before moving to the freezers.

"Isn't that going to be covered?" asked Jessie as I picked out three two-litre bottles of milk.

"Technically, yes. But I promised you when you came to La Push I'd make you breakfast, remember?"

"Banana milkshakes," said Jessie with another smile as we headed to the fruit section.

"Exactly." I piled the shopping trolley with a couple kilos of bananas. "What else..." I pulled a list of ingredients that had been crumpled and re-crumpled many times, but along the edges someone had written COLLIN & JESSIE SITTING IN A TREE, F-U-C-K-I-N-G in a handwriting that looked incredibly like Brady's...

"Three tubs of yoghurt," I read off of the list – Seth, Brady and I had perfected the recipe to feed three hungry werewolves, and I was dividing everything by three now.

"What flavour?" asked Jessie as she let go of my hand to scan the shop's freezer shelf.

"Er, whatever you want," I said.

"Really?" asked Jessie tentatively. I snorted.

"Come on, you know I'd eat anything." At this Jessie laughed, and she reached up to get one of the tubs at the very top shelf. I nearly went over to help her, but as she reached up her shirt rode up a bit, revealing a few inches of smooth, pale skin. I felt my mouth go dry, but then she turned, placing the tub into the trolley. She reached again to get a second tub, but the third time I stood behind her, placing my hand on the small of her back and reaching around her to get the yoghurt. She froze, her heartbeat racing, her breathing hitched, and I smiled at the effect I had on her.

"Collin..." she said slowly.

"Hmm?" I asked ignorantly as I stepped back and placed the tub into the trolley. "What is it?"

She blinked a few times, seeming flustered. "N-Nothing."

I put my arm back around her, pulling her in close, my other hand on the shopping trolley handle. After about twenty minutes we were back to the car, loading the shopping into the back of the car. As we got into the car and I started to reverse it out of here, Kaylie said suggestively, "Well, what were you two doing that took so long?" Jessie blushed furiously and I grinned.

"Er, shopping?" asked Seth confusedly. Kay sighed and rolled her eyes and I shrugged.

"Innocent," Kaylie muttered, elbowing Seth in the ribs.

"Not if you get your way with him, right, Kaylie?" At my words both of them blushed.

When we got to Emily's there were already a whole heap of cars outside and music was pounding. Kaylie and Seth headed straight on through but as I loaded the shopping bags out of the car, I noticed that Jessie's heartbeat was crazy and her breathing was hitched, and it wasn't because I was doing anything to her.

I cupped her face again with my hand, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. "Relax," I murmured, my forehead resting on hers, my other hand under her shirt on the smooth skin at the curve of her waist.

"I'm not good with new people," she muttered, looking at her feet. Her eyes looked grey in the light. I loved how they seemed to change colours all the time.

"I'm _really_ not good with new people. I never say the right things or I don't say anything at all so they think I'm rude or that I don't like them or that I'm just stupi--"

"You're not stupid!" I cut in immediately, my lips catching hers again. She moaned softly, leaning into it, but I moved back.

"Your view of me tends to be..." she said softly, not finishing.

I grinned. "Rigged?"

"Yeah," she smiled softly.

"You really _are _beautiful though, and funny and smart and..." I trailed off, realising I'd just said this out loud. Jessie was blushing furiously now, still looking at the ground.

"You don't even have to be brave. Just smile when they say hello and they'll love you, like I do." I kissed her on the mouth again, but this time her fingers threaded through my hair and I was leaning into her, her back pressed into the side of the car. My hand was riding up her shirt, my fingers tracing the smooth skin of her neck--

"Are you two gonna come in or sit there and swap saliva all day?"

I broke off the kiss, my lips automatically feeling cold from the loss of contact.

"Brady!" I yelled. He waved enthusiastically from the front porch. "Hello Jessie!"

"Hi," she said sheepishly back, her cheeks flushed. I kissed her on the corner of her mouth, piling the shopping into my arms.

"Come on, we better go. Stick with me. And," I added as we paused on the doorstep. "Try not to stare at Emily." I lowered my voice. "She was in a bear attack a few years back, but the scars are still there."

Jessie nodded, her eyes wide. I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile as we stepped into the house.

The music was loud and the people talking and laughing. Around my feet ran the various offspring of Rachel and Paul, Kim and Jared and Emily and Sam, all in the terrible twos and threes. Random people kept trying to come up and hug me, while flashing knowing grins at Jessie, who looked a little overwhelmed. I didn't recognise half the people in here, most of them being from Emily's side of the family. With Jessie in tow, I somehow managed to fight my way to the relative quiet of the kitchen.

I shoved our shopping into Emily's already overstuffed fridge, while she, Kim and a few other women including Sue and Claire's mother expertly worked the microwave, oven, stove and sink at the same time.

"Hi Collin!" Emily gave me a hug, and I kissed her on the cheek. "Happy anniversary, Em. Good turn out, huh?"

Emily laughed. "Of course." She looked at Jessie appraisingly, then gave her a hug too. Jessie returned the embrace a little more awkwardly, but Emily was ranting on.

"You must be Jessie, it's so good to finally meet you! Collin's always going on about you. If you ever need anything today or ever, come to me straight away."

"Hey Em, take it easy," said a deeper voice. Sam put his hand on Emily's shoulder, gently pulling her back, as he kissed her cheek. "I'm Sam Uley, Emily's husband," he introduced himself, but not putting a hand out to Jessie. She smiled a small smile and I could tell she was nervous, but she was hiding it well. Sam was a little intimidating to say the least and his eyes flashed to Jessie – but she wasn't staring at Emily, instead watching me. I moved forward, putting an arm around Jessie's waist.

"We better go meet the rest of the pack...I'll see you around." They smiled and I pulled Jessie back into the crowd.

"Pack?" asked Jessie questioningly. I hesitated, realising my slip-up.

"Er... just a nickname for the gang. I don't know how it came around, although it probably had something to do with Sam constantly calling us a bunch of puppies."

Jessie laughed. "I can see how that applies to Brady."

I made a face. "Not all of my friends are like Brady--"

"--After all, none of them could achieve my awesomeness!" Cut in Brady himself. He stood in front of us with two cans, one in either hand, and a pair of sunglasses on his head.

"What's with the sunglasses?" I asked suspiciously.

"Oh, do you like them? They're an engagement present for Sam." Brady hiccuped, and blinked confusedly for a moment.

"Then why are _you_ wearing them? And dude, this is his anniversary," I said after a moment.

Brady started to tear up. "So it is. Time flies by. I remember when I was your age and I had a girl like her," he pointed to Jessie. "'Cept she was a redhead. And sluttier. And I see her sometimes and I think, I miss her. I miss those days. They were good days. Happy birthday, man." He clapped me on the shoulder, sniffing and blinking rapidly, before moving on.

"Was he drunk?" asked Jessie tentatively, her eyes wide as she watched Brady running after Sam's three-year-old boy.

I snorted. "No. Those were cans of Red Bull." And it takes a _lot_ of Red Bull to get a werewolf high.

I introduced her to all the other werewolves and their imprints – with most of the wolves making overly suggestive comments, and most of the imprints making comments about how we were so cute together, both of which made Jessie flush.

That's when a surprise of sorts came. Seth barrelled past me, wooping his head off, and Kaylie followed him, frowning slightly. I took Jessie's hand, pulling her through the crowd into Emily's living room.

"You just came here then?"

"Headed straight over."

"By plane or--" Seth cut off, glancing at the unknowing here, including my imprint. "--by, er, car?"

"Car," and I pushed through the crowd to see Jacob Black standing there with a grin on his face, and a bronze-haired beauty under his arm.

Seth's face was glowing – Jacob was like a big brother to him, and he hadn't seen Jake for a year or so since Seth's trip to Alaska – and the rest of the pack, especially Quil and Embry, were talking to him. Nessie seemed shy at first, but Emily came over and made her feel right at home, with Nessie soon smiling and laughing with the other women.

Nessie was tugging on Jacob's arm as they came to me.

"Hi!" she said, giving me a hug. "It's been awhile since I've seen you, Collin."

"You remember me?" I said, slightly shocked. The girl – no, woman – in front of me looked like she was sixteen, but the last time I'd seen Nessie she looked ten years old. Freaky mutant vampire genes.

"I have a long memory. And this must be Jessie," said Ness with a smile, and the two hugged. Jessie was quiet and her cheeks were flushed but she was smiling and relaxed – she liked Nessie.

Suddenly Jake let out a laugh.

"Jessie. That's a mix of our names. Nessie and Jake. Jessie." Nessie grinned.

"I'm going to name my kid that. Is that alright, Jessie? Can I steal your name?"

"O-Of course," spluttered Jessie, blushing harder now. I kissed her on the cheek.

"It'd be a family tradition. My full name's Renesmee – from my grandmothers, Renee and Esme, and my middle name's Carlie, after my grandfathers, Carlisle and Charlie." Nessie beamed. Jessie laughed at this and her hand tightened slightly in mine.

Jake turned to Seth next.

"So this is the girl who's been turning Seth's head in," said Jacob teasingly and to my surprise, Kaylie blushed and looked down.

"I've heard a lot about you Kaylie, it's nice to finally meet you." She dutifully hugged them both, and then Nessie went off to help Emily and Jacob and Seth began talking. Kaylie disappeared and I felt cold as Jessie moved away from me.

"Jessie?" I asked, surprised at the pleading tone in my voice. I didn't want her to go. Her face softened, and she gave me a small smile, her blue eyes shining. "I'll only be a minute."

"Ok," I gave in, kissing her on the cheek. She walked off.

I turned to find a slightly less-intoxicated Brady standing behind me. The sunglasses were gone and I saw them on Sam.

"They suit him better," I teased, and Brady laughed.

"Yeah, they probably do. I should've brought Emily a matching pair." We walked over to the garage, which had a pool table and two werewolves. Seth and Jacob who were controlling the stereo, skipping songs until a good one played. I laughed as Beyonce's _Freakum Dress_ played.

"Good taste in music, Jake," I said. He laughed, taking a swig from his 2 litre bottle of coke. "A game," he said, eyeing the pool table. "Me and Seth versus you two."

Brady grinned. "The odds?"

"If we win," said Jake slowly, "You have to _dance_ to this song. I'm talking pole-dancing, lap-dancing, with everyone watching." Beyonce's voice seemed slightly intimidating now.

"When _we_ win," said Brady confidently, "You two have to... hm..." He winked suggestively at me and Seth groaned, turning to me. "We shouldn't have let him choose. Quick, Collin, make up something!"

"Nope," I said happily. "Go, Brady."

He grinned devilishly and I was suddenly glad he was on _my_ side. "When we win, Jake has to carry Seth around the house bridal-style, while Seth holds a pink flower in his hand and insists to everyone that he's now engaged to Jacob. I want lovey-dovey couple stuff, INCLUDING kisses."

Seth swallowed, looking scared. I snickered

"You're on." Brady and Jacob shook hands, and the game begun. Brady did a victory dance – literally – when I sunk the first ball.

"Where's Leah?" I heard Jacob mutter to Seth during one of Brady's shots.

"M.I.A," said Seth sadly, and I felt sorry for the kid. His sister never turned up to these gigs, and no one ever needed to ask why.

"Let's move onto my favourite topic," said Brady, clapping his hand as Jacob lined up his shot. "Werewolf politics."

There was a "Shit!" from Jacob as his cue tipped the white ball. I went for my next shot.

"Seriously dude," said Brady. "Are you staying?"

Jacob seemed tense. "It's definitely on my mind, but-- I don't want to split up the pack. Not again."

I sunk another ball, then stood up and shrugged. "Maybe you won't. Have you tried phasing since you've come here?"

Jacob shook his head. "But...I miss it here. I saw Dad before I came here, and he's doing alright now that Rebecca and her family have moved back, but still. Plus Nessie likes it here."

"What about the Cullens?" I asked. Brady growled as Seth sunk one of their pool balls. Seth just grinned.

"Well, Bella and Edward will be coming down in the next week, I think, but just for a visit. You've had a couple extra phase since we left?" I nodded – two newbies, fourteen years old, had phased only a few months ago. "Carlisle's still worried about what the presence of the vamps will do to the werewolf population, so they're taking it slow for now."

I nodded, thinking. If Jacob should phase, and the two packs would split, where would I go? Before I had stuck with Sam because even though I hadn't wanted to become a murderer, I hadn't wanted to take any risks with the mutant spawn either. But now we knew the 'mutant spawn' was a functioning, thinking being; Seth would go with Jacob, as would Embry, Quil and Leah, that much was obvious. I shot a look at Brady.

"Sweeeeet, if you become alpha again, I'm siding with you this time."

Jacob frowned slightly. "There were never any sides, you know."

Brady shrugged. "Meh. If Seth and Embry are going to join your pack – which they will – then I will as well. What about you, Collin?"

"Jake," I said confidently, now that I knew where Brady was going. It made sense to stick by him. He was my best friend out of the wolves.

Jacob was still frowning but Seth spoke now.

"Kaylie and I are engaged."

"Congrats! Dude, after all this time, you deserve it." said Jake now, a grin on his face. Brady wiped a 'tear' from his eye.

"Our baby Sethy's all grown up. OH MY GOD can I plan the buck's party? When's the wedding?!" Brady was jumping up and down on the spot, clapping his hands. Me, Jake and Seth all watched him with wide eyes.

"Dude, calm down," I said.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure," said Seth slowly. "It's not really engagement it's just... a promise. She's my fiance now." Seth's eyes glazed over and I knew he was thinking about her – that is, until Brady shoved him.

"Yes yes imprint bliss you're gonna be together forever we totally didn't see that coming yada yada yada," said Brady. We all glared at him.

"What?!" he said as Jacob missed another shot – we had three balls to sink before the 8 ball. "I'm the odd one out here! On Valentine's Day you three are gonna go out on fluffy triple dates and I'm going to be sitting in my lounge room, watching Titanic and eating a box of Valentine's day chocolate that I bought for myself."

"Give it time," said Jacob wisely. "Your imprint will come along. Eventually."

I smirked. "Yeah, whether she's dumb enough to hang around _you_ Brady is another story."

Brady huffed and folded his arms. "What's that supposed to mean?"

We all just started laughing and didn't reply.

Brady sunk another ball, then another – Seth was starting to grumble and my eyes kept flickering towards the stereo system – we might be winning but I didn't want to take any chances. I was seriously considering snapping the disc with _Freakum Dress_ on it.

"You'll be dancing around to the Jonas Brothers instead," Jake warned, so I stopped.

Then it was my turn to sink the 8 ball. I lined up my shot and hit it--

"Damn," I swore as it missed. Seth and Jake only had a few balls to go.

Suddenly Brady let out a cheer and we hi-fived while Jake started swearing.

"When you hear this song," proclaimed Brady as _Toxic_ by Britney Spears started playing, "I wanna see Seth in those arms, and I wanna see M-rated action at least." Seth shuddered and I laughed.

I felt happy and relaxed – and realised that I couldn't feel any of Jessie's tension from before. That must mean she was ok... I felt suddenly guilty at not having thought about her even though it had been so good hanging out with the guys again. Brady looked at us all, suddenly off in La La land.

"Girls are calling?" he said, and we all grinned sheepishly. He just winked. "Nice to know I can keep you occupied from them for a maximum of an hour. Go get 'em."

I took a deep breath in once I was outside of the garage, and picked up on her scent on the back lawn. Before I could start moving, however, a camera was shoved in my face and a loud voice declared, "And this is the amazing Collin Meyers!!! His hobbies include drooling over a good sample of the female species called Jessie--"

"Shuttup," I snapped half-heartedly, pushing the camera out of my face and slapping Embry over the back of his head.

"It's not my fault," he said, pointing the camera to people mingling around the place and standing around the barbecue. "Sam got it for Emily for their anniversary, to 'create memories'. But she's too busy to use it at the moment and the rest of you old geezers don't know how to work these." He became preoccupied by chasing the toddlers around, trying to get them to stand still for a moment so he could introduce them on-camera. I went straight to the back lawn – and saw Ness, Kaylie and Jessie sitting in a circle, just the three of them, laughing.

"What's the joke?" I asked as I came up behind them. They all looked at me and grinned, exchanging glances, before they burst out laughing again.

"Girl stuff," grumbled Seth behind me. "I don't think we _want_ to know.

"Don't be silly, Seth," chided Kaylie, putting a hand up. Seth obediently took it, pulling her up, and pulling her into a hug. I bent down and hugged Jessie around the waist, lifting her up. She giggled, turning in my arms till she was facing me, her open palms flat on my chest. I watched the ominous blush tinge her cheeks as I leaned in gently, pecking her on the lips.

"I like La Push," said Jessie with a small smile.

"Good," I murmured back.

XxX

It was two in the morning and I couldn't frigging sleep.

I looked up at the night sky. In the distance the clouds were gathering, but above me I could actually see stars. Around me on tarps, sleeping bags etc the pack laid around, all asleep and most of them snoring loudly, except for Embry,Quil and Leah, who were apparently on patrol.

I kept running Jessie's face through my mind as the pack sat around the bonfire while Billy told the stories. Her eyes were wide and she was rapt as all of her attention was focussed on him and his words. At the end of it she had turned to me and said, "Wow, that was something, wasn't it?"

I was scared. I wanted to tell her about me, about _us_ – and how much she meant to me. But she was so damned fragile, and so much had already happened to her – the fact that her boyfriend could turn into a wolf might just be the last straw.

I was tired as hell, and full of food, which always made me sleepy

But I sat there, back to the ground, face to the sky, and I _couldn't _sleep.

I heard a noise as the back door of the house opened and closed quietly, and in the moonlight I saw Jessie step forward, a thick blanket wrapped around her, with just a pair of slippers on. _Ah_, of course, imprint bond. If she couldn't sleep, neither could I.

"Jessie?" I whispered softly. Her head snapped up and next to me, Brady groaned and rolled over, still asleep.

"Collin?" she whispered back, squinting into the dark. I stood up and walked softly over to her. I pulled her into a hug – she was freezing.

"Can't sleep?" I murmured into her hair, her scent still as tantalising as ever.

"No," was all she said.

I grinned at her then. "Want to come for a walk, then?"

She frowned slightly. "Where?"

"The beach. It's a couple hundred metres from here, and we'd have to cut through the forest – is that ok?"

She just nodded, and I pulled the blanket more snugly around her. Underneath she was wearing sweatpants and a tight green singlet.

_Don't stare don't stare don't stare don't stare _I repeated to myself in a mantra as we weaved through the sleeping figures, and finally made it to the trees.

"Do you do this a lot? Go for midnight walks?" Jessie asked. I nearly thought she was teasing.

"Sometimes," I admitted. "I go out and pick fights with the monsters in the night, make sure they don't get you," I added cheekily.

She smiled. "Ok. It's just sometimes you leave in the middle of the night when you... sleep with me." She blushed at her words. "But you always come back and never say anything about it in the morning."

That was patrols. Since her birthday, most nights I snuck into her room and ended up sleeping with her. _Not_ like that – I was happy enough just to be close to her. But every now and again I'd sneak out in the middle of the night to cover patrols. I always thought she was asleep when I left and asleep when I came back.

"You notice?" I asked, the surprise showing in my voice.

"Of course," she replied, looking down, still blushing. "I wake up from the cold. I'm usually awake when you come back."

Hmm. She must be a pretty good faker. Normally I can pick up on the change in her breathing patterns.

"Sorry about that," I said. "Chronic insomnia. Otherwise I'd start fiddling around in the bed and I'd wake you up." I shut my mouth as soon as I said those words, and watched Jessie blush even more.

"Not like that," I said hurriedly. "Just--"

"I know what you mean," she said softly. Her grip on my hand tightened slightly, and I squeezed her hand back reassuringly.

"Can you smell the salt?" I asked when we were a few metres away from the beach. She inhaled and then nodded, and without a word, I scooped her up into my arms, bridal-style. She screamed in surprise, her arms flying up to tighten around my neck.

Hmm, I liked this much of her pressed against me... I wasn't wearing a shirt for once, and I could feel the bare skin of her arms and neck against me, even though the blanket wrapped around her was getting in the way.

Chaste thoughts Collin, I told myself. I'm starting to sound like Brady.

I broke into a run, heading straight towards the beach. Jessie gasped and her arms tightened around me more, and she buried her face into the crook of my neck. I stopped abruptly once we broke from the line of trees, my bare feet feeling sand.

"Here," I said, gently depositing her on the sand. She jumped slightly, nearly back into my arms.

"Sorry. Sand's cold," she stammered, slipping off her shoes. I smiled, taking the blanket from around her and setting it on the sand. I laid down, moving over so there was enough room for Jessie next to me. She lay down next to me, her hand re-linking with mine. We both looked up at the stars and all I could hear was the waves gently crashing on the shore, and Jessie's gentle breaths next to me.

"I love you," I whispered. I just seemed important to say right now.

"I love you too," she replied in a soft voice. I traced my fingers over the skin of her jawbone, down to her neck, and before I knew it my eyes had closed and we had both drifted off to sleep.

XxX

BONUS: Jessie's Point of View: **Girl Stuff & Banana Milkshakes**

I don't know why I followed Kaylie. I still don't. I saw something in her face when Seth was talking to Jacob, and she moved off. I went to follow her, but Collin was still holding my hand.

"Jessie?" he asked, surprise in his voice, and something else. I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring way.

"I'll only be a minute."

"Ok," he said, leaning in to kiss my cheek. I felt my heart speeding up at the contact of his hot lips on my skin.

I followed her through to the back lawn, where she was sitting in the corner, facing the forest – her back to the house. I sat down next to her, suddenly unsure of why I had followed her.

"Hi," I said softly. She turned to smile at me, and she looked sad, but thank goodness she wasn't crying. I really wouldn't know what to say then.

"Oh, sorry Jessie," she said with a small smile. "I didn't see you there."

"Is something up?" I asked, wincing slightly. The question was kind of blunt.

But Kaylie seemed to shake her head, her fingers threading through her hair. "No. Well, yes. I don't know..."

"You and Seth aren't fighting, are you?" I said, although I couldn't see how she and Seth were fighting. He was so carefree and she came off as very confident. Most people were intimidated by Christie but she wasn't.

"Well, it's... it's kind of a long story."

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, the words stumbling out of my mouth. "I shouldn't ask..."

She smiled at me then, genuinely. "No, it's ok. It's just... there's a reason we're engaged. And I thought it was a kind of good idea at the time but now I'm worried that I might have pushed him into it. Sorry, I'm loading onto you."

I shrugged. "It's fine. Really," I added when she looked unsure. "And I get the impression that Seth would do anything for you."

"That's the problem! He would do almost anything for me, except--" she cut it off. "Don't worry. Unless Collin's told you?" she added guiltily. I cocked my head.

"He hasn't told me anything. How would he know?"

Kaylie just shrugged. "The guys... they don't tend to keep secrets. All too loud-mouthed, I guess," she said sardonically and I grinned.

"No but... he won't... argh. I don't know how to put this without sounding weird," Kaylie finally muttered. And suddenly it clicked. I blushed even as I said the words.

"Go all the way?"

"Yes!" Kaylie finally yelled, waving her hands in the air. "It's ridiculous! I love him, and he loves me, and yet he won't... _do_ anything about it. I mean look at how hot Collin is," Kaylie added. "Imagine if he was sleeping in your bed every night, and you had been practically going out for years, and yet he refused to do anything past kissing. How _annoying_ would that be?"

I was blushing furiously at the thought of Collin in that way... not that I hadn't imagined it, of course. He was _Collin, _for goodness sake. I'd seen him shirtless before, I'd be lying if I didn't say I hadn't thought about seeing him like that again. But we'd never gotten to that stage, just kissing, and typical me was too shy, too damned nervous to start anything else.

"It's... annoying," I finally managed to mutter. "But, what's that got to do with Seth proposing to you?"

"He reckons he wasn't going to ruin my purity," muttered Kaylie bitterly, and an 'aw' escaped me despite myself. She looked at me.

"Well, it-it's kinda sweet," I managed to stammer, looking at my hands the whole time. "Most teenage guys don't even consider that sort of thing."

Kaylie smiled a bit then. "Oh yes, I'm the one trying to get into _his_ pants and he's the one demanding a ring," she said, and we both laughed.

"But seriously," I said, trying to figure how to word it right. "Maybe... you should listen to him. It's really sweet and you're not going to find that in many guys. Seth's... special." We laughed again, and Kaylie smiled.

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks."

We heard someone clear their throat. "Hi, can I sit with you guys?"

We turned and saw Renesmee standing behind us. "Sure," said Kaylie, and she sat down in front of us, so we formed a sort of triangle. I started ripping up pieces of the lawn, unsure of what to say, when Kaylie spoke up.

"Where are the guys?"

"Playing pool," said Renesmee as she rolled her eyes. "They've probably made some ridiculous bet about it, too."

Kaylie grinned. "Not Seth. He would never do anything so rule-breaking."

Renesmee snorted. "With Jacob in the lead? Hell yes."

"Kinda like Collin following Brady around," I muttered, tensing to what the girl's responses would be. But instead they both laughed.

"No," said Kaylie, "Brady goes off on his own adventures, usually involving porn, and Collin follows him because Collin's the one who has to save Brady's butt." We all laughed at that.

I couldn't help but watch Renesmee as our conversation. She was heart-breakingly beautiful. Long slender legs, a cherubic face, big brown eyes and beautiful bronze hair. Kaylie was beautiful too – she had the perfect figure, and all-over golden tanned skin, but there was something almost surreal about Renesmee that I couldn't put my finger on.

"This isn't a bit weird," teased Kaylie. "Last time I saw Nessie you were ten years old, and this is the first time I've met you, Jess, and here we are chatting away like old friends," she said with a smile. Nessie laughed, then gasped.

"Oh my God! Have you taught her about persuasion?" Ness asked Kaylie, who shook her head.

"What's that..." I asked cautiously, not sure what I was getting myself into.

"Let me put it this way," said Kaylie with a glance at Nessie – I wonder what that meant? - "When guys like Seth or Collin or Jacob fall, they fall _hard_. 100% all the way, as in you now mean the world to them. _So_ if you ever want anything from them, you just have to ask them... the right way."

"What do you mean?" I said, tilting my head to the side. It was a habit I'd picked up from Anna.

"Whenever you're asking them anything, play with your hair," said Kaylie.

"Widen your eyes and look straight into theirs," added Nessie.

"The pout always wins Seth over."

"Hmm," said Nessie. "Jacob's 'weakness'" (she used air quotations) "is looking up at him, like this." She suddenly ducked her head, then looked up from under her lashes with a small smile. I laughed.

"Bet you practise that one," said Kaylie with a grin. "But don't forget, he can use it against you, too." She sighed melodramatically. "Puppy eyes," she muttered, and Nessie nodded in some sort of mutual agreement.

"Remember, under all that muscle they're just softies," said Ness.

"Under a _lot_ of frigging muscle," muttered Kaylie under her breath. For a moment we all looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

"What's the joke?" asked a deep familiar voice behind me and I turned to see Collin.

"Girl stuff," muttered Seth from behind him. "I don't think we _want_ to know."

"Don't be silly, Seth," Kaylie teased, reaching a hand out towards him. Seth took it, pulling her up, and wrapped his arms around her. I felt warm arms go around my waist and I was being pulled up. I giggled, twisting in his arms so I was facing him. I could feel the heat in my cheeks.

"I like La Push," I confessed. Even though I'd barely said any words in that conversation, I had felt... comfortable.

"Good," he murmured back, his lips close to my ear.

Suddenly I heard a song start playing and Britney Spears' voice came over the stereo.

"_Baby can't you see, I'm calling._

_A guy like you should wear a warning..."_

Seth groaned. "Do we have to..."

Collin snickered. "Yeah. Get to it, loverboy."

I had no idea what they were on about. All I know is that in the next minute I saw Jacob walking through the crowd with Seth in his arms. I swear, I saw Seth giggle and slap Jacob on the shoulder, then kiss him on the cheek.

I stared at them and heard Brady from behind me.

"Ah yes, I knew their feminine side was there somewhere. I'm just helping them go public." Instinctively, me, Collin and Brady all looked at Kaylie and Ness.

"Oh yeah, I am _so_ jealous right now," said Ness, pretending to glare at Seth.

"Kinky," said Kaylie as she watched the couple. "Hmm, I could get used to that scene..."

We all started laughing when we saw Jake sprinting across the lawn with Seth in his arms.

"You're gonna drop me!!!" screeched Seth, his hands tightening around Jake's neck.

"Get lost Embry!!!" roared Jake. They turned around the corner and a few seconds later we saw Embry running after them, a video camera in hand. "Come on Jake, just a few seconds!"

"Er, guys?" Collin called half-heartedly after them. "The song's over."

Brady whacked him over the head. "Don't ruin the entertainment."

XxX

I couldn't sleep. I don't know if it was all the hype after the party or if Brady had spiked my drinks with Red Bull – all I know was that my body was tired from the long day, but my mind was still racing. I felt cold and I pulled the blanket tighter around me, but I knew I was still missing the warmth.

I paused, wondering if I should... sometimes when Collin slept with me, I watched him sleep. He looked so adorable then, his lips parted open slightly, his eyes tightly closed, his chest rising up and down in a steady rhythm... or maybe it was just me ogling his chest. All I know is that if I woke up in the middle of the night, watching him usually got me back to sleep.

I crept around Kaylie's form on a mattress on the floor – she'd insisted that I'd got the couch – and went out to where I thought the back door was. I opened it and the cool night air greeted me, making me tighten the blanket around me.

"Jessie?" I heard him whisper. I squinted into the dark, trying to find him.

"Collin?" I whispered back. I saw a dark figure move through the people, and as he approached me he wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't help but shudder as hit hot skin hit me. Goosebumps were all up and down my arms, but it wasn't from the cold.

"Can't sleep?" he mumured, his hot breath washing over me. I don't think he realised he was shirtless. I could feel his bare chest and stomach, ripped and all, pressed up against me.

"No," I managed to squeak out.

"Want to come for a walk?" I saw his smile in the moonlight.

"Where?" I asked.

"The beach. It's a couple hundred metres from here, and we'd have to cut through the forest – is that ok?" I nodded, and he pulled back, tightening the blanket around me. I linked his hand with mine, intertwining our fingers.

"Do you do this a lot? Go for midnight walks?" I finally blurted out. I'd been meaning to bring this up for awhile...

"Sometimes," he said. "I go out and pick fights with the monsters in the night, make sure they don't get you," he said jokingly, but I just smiled. "Ok. It's just that..." how to put this. "Sometimes you leave in the middle of the night when you... sleep with me." I blushed. _Shit_. Don't think of that... don't think of... My blush deepened at the visual image. I swear, I started hyperventilating...

"You notice?" he sounded surprised.

"Of course. I wake up from the cold," I confessed. "I'm usually awake when you come back."

"Sorry about that. Chronic insomnia. Otherwise I'd start fiddling around in the bed and I'd wake you up." My blush deepened at his words, as my hormones translated his words into _their_ kind of language.

"Not like that," he said quickly. "Just--"

"I know what you mean," I said quietly. He was with me – it as asking for too much for him to like me that way, as well. He squeezed my hand and I smiled.

"Can you smell the salt?" he asked after a few minutes. I took in a deep breath and nodded. Suddenly I was rushing from the floor, and my side was pressed up against his bare chest, while heated arms were carrying me – one underneath my legs, the other underneath my arms – and I shrieked, my arms tightening around his neck. He started running, faster than I ever could, and I felt the wind through my hair, and on my face. He halted when we were on the sand.

"Here," he said, tipping his arms so I landed on the sand. I jumped at the feeling of the cold sand on my feet.

"Sorry, sand's cold," I mumbled, slipping off my shoes. He took the blanket from around me and spread it out on top of the sand. He lay down and I lay down next to him, automatically reaching across to hold his hand again. I loved the link between us. He was watching the stars, but I couldn't help but focus on his face. He was heartbreakingly beautiful – perfect, and I suddenly wanted to pull a paper bag over my head and hide my own imperfection. My self esteem was low as it is but the best – or worst – part is that all he seemed to do was compliment me, and look at me like _I _was the beautiful one.

"I love you," he whispered. He had no idea what those words really meant to me.

"I love you too." His heated fingertips traced my jawline, then dipped down to my neck. His touch was like a lullaby, and I felt my eyes closing despite myself.

XxX

When I woke up I thought it was a dream, because I was on Emily's couch. I shut my eyes, trying to lull myself back into sleep. It had been a good dream.

"Oh no, you don't," murmured a deep voice. I sighed. The dream might be good, but real life was better...I blushed at my thought. It was such a corny line.

"Collin! Can you wake up Brady?" called someone – I think Emily. I heard him chuckle, then hot lips were pressed against my forehead. "That's calling on the impossible. I'll need a bucket of water and a foghorn."

I opened my eyes as he was walking out the door, then stood up. Kaylie came out into the lounge room then, a towel wrapped around her hair and my rucksack in her arms.

"Here, you'll need this. Shower's first to the right," she said, throwing the bag to me. I caught it clumsily, then headed off.

When I came back out half an hour later, my hair in a single braid down my back, I was wearing dark denim skinnies (I have an addiction to jeans), a red singlet with lace edging and my green hoodie. I blushed when I saw Collin watching me as I stepped outside – staring, even. I hate to sound clichéd, but when he looked at me like that... I don't know. I felt like I was _worth_ something.

It was kind of an unfamiliar feeling to me.

Brady elbowed him and muttered something. Collin actually blushed and he moved forward, clearing his throat. "I owe you this." He handed me a tall glass and I grinned.

Banana milkshake. "Morning to you to," I said with a shy smile, as I leaned up and kissed him on the lips. They felt cold, and tasted like the milkshake.

I took a tentative sip – after all, I hadn't forgotten Collin's attempt to help me cook a cake for my birthday – but it felt good, the perfect mix, plus the tinge of honey.

"Mmm," I couldn't help but groan, licking the last of it off my lips. I blushed when I realised that Collin was watching my lips and my tongue.

"Dude! What did I say about drooling?" said Brady from behind him. That snapped Collin out of it, but instead of looking ashamed, he moved forward, placed his hands at my hips, and kissed me. Much deeper this time.

Not that I was complaining.

And it really was a good milkshake.

_I'm staring at my feet_

_My cheeks are turning red_

_And I'm searching for the words inside my head_

_'Cause I'm feeling nervous_

_Tryin' to be so perfect_

_'Cause I know you're worth it_

**AN: What do you think??? :O I had lots of important things that I had to ramble on about, but I can't remember most of them.**

**Oh yes! Updates may be a little slow from now on. I've taken on a lot this term but I'm leaving the weekend for working on this, so I'm _aiming_ for weekly updates. The next chapter of this I already have heaps down, and it's definitely a turning point for the story... so keep an eye out.**

**BIIGGGG APOLOGIES for my lack of replies to reviews, but please know that your thoughts are appreciated! Haha :D**

**I have to thank **Kyliez** for all of her song searching & recs!!! I am indebted to you ;) And a big thanks to **Izzy** for semi-betaing this chapter... she knows what I mean.**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

Thankyou to all my reviewers: **jblc77, Kyliez, genies9 (how I wish I could forget .), Lily CullenSalvatore, eeyore-ft-tigger, BloodlustedInk07, rachbehappy, H0llaSDC, j-k-l-m-n-o-p, Twilighter0100, Brookieb1996, xBliberingxHumdingerx, smile01. **Special shout out to **runs with myths **and **rubyprincess57** for having the same birthdays as people in this story :D and to **. **for your incessant poking XDLove always to the Jivali team, Izzy, Indie & Jerri, love you lots xx If you are missing from this list, don't hesitate to yell at me!!!


	15. Chapter XIV: On the Brink of Insanity

CHAPTER XIV

**AN: I am sorry if it wasn't clear enough, but the 'monster' that's haunting her IS the vamp that killed Collin. As **Lily CullenSalvatore **said, do you think she'd be freaking out if it was Collin?**

**ANDDDDDD Please look up this song and have it playing, it's a beautiful song, but so sad :'(**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice, it chased away all of the sanity in me_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

→ My Immortal, Evanescence

"I don't like leaving you here," muttered Anna. "Not in this condition."

I didn't bother saying I was fine, because I wasn't. "You have a career now, Anna." I tried to smile. She shook her head, giving me yet another hug. "What kind of friend would I be if I left you like this?"

I shrugged. "Emily and Beth are looking after me, Anna, it's going to be ok." She sighed, twisting her fingers through her hair.

"Oh, and you might want to drop a line off to Christie. I know they don't exactly have good computer access in her village in Russia, but she's the one who asked me to come see you. I was missing you. I wouldn't have put off seeing you for much longer." Anna smiled. "Take care of yourself, Jessie," she added softly. I nodded and watched as she got into her car, gave one last wave and drove off.

I turned and went back into the house, walking past Kim without a word. I headed straight to the bed, where I went under the covers, curling into a tight ball. Sometimes I wish I could sleep and never wake up again.

XxX

It watches me. Not just when I close my eyes now. But when I'm awake, and when the sunlight is pouring through the window, it waits. Under the bed, mostly, or in the wardrobe, or any other dark places it can find. When I walk past it reaches out and touches me. I always flinch at it's ice-cold touch. But I don't scream and try to fight it any more. That only gives it more satisfaction.

XxX

Screaming. People screaming. I hear them, all the time. Like they're being tortured. Their faces are covered in agony as its fangs plunge into the people's necks. Sometimes the people being hunted are random strangers.

Sometimes my parents.

Most times, Collin.

I was tied to a chair, and I watched as it probed and teased Collin, pulling his hair, scratching the skin of his face. He never made a sound. Just watched me with wide fearful eyes. Like he was worried it would go for me next.

It opened its mouth and sharp, pointed teeth were in the jawline. It leaned forward, ripping open his throat, and he screamed in agony. Red was everywhere.

I stood up in the middle of dinner and ran to the toilet, where I threw up.

I was crying, and gentle hands pulled back my hair from my face, but Emily didn't say anything.

XxX

I get sick a lot. Collin's face as it tears into his throat haunts me. I can never move. Can never fight.

XxX

He doesn't speak to me any more. Collin. Sometimes he opens his mouth but words never come out.

It talks to me. A lot.

Whispers my name. _Jessie_.

Always reaches out and tries to touch my face. I cry and try to move back, but it always follows me.

Glowing red eyes are watching me where ever I turn.

XxX

Its voice fills my ears.

The only time it doesn't is when I have the knife pressed to my wrist.

Then the voices fade to the point where I can almost hear silence.

But I never do anything.

Collin wouldn't let me.

He won't.

XxX

"Jessie?"

I flinch, then realise it's just Emily talking.

"Jessie, we...we were thinking of going to visit Collin today. The whole pack. Would... would you like to come?"

My eyes are wide and I can't breathe. The breaths are too fast, too shallow. Just dry air rushing in and out of my lungs, and I can't absorb the oxygen.

I swallow. "Why would you do that?" I manage to say in a dry, rasped voice. All I do at night is scream. It's been awhile since I've just spoken.

"Because it was his birthday today."

"_Is_," I hiss automatically. Emily nods.

"Yes, it's the 29th today. Please come," Emily added in a soft voice. "It won't... won't be the same without you."

Breathe. In. Out.

"I'm sorry," I said. I pulled the blanket back over my head.

XxX

Sue Clearwater is watching me now. She's watching television, eating a sandwich and every now and again her eyes flicker to my room. She doesn't know that I'm on the other side of the house, near the laundry.

I sit on the cool tiles. It's the 29th of July. It's been a little over three months since...

The image from my first ever dream rushes back to me. It with it's arms around Collin as he screams my name.

My head spins and I feel sick again.

"I can't do this any more," I whisper. Collin can hear me, I know. But I can't live like this any more. Is this how I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life, in misery, waiting for death so that I can finally see him again?

I can't do this any more.

I won't.

Words come back to me then. Something someone said...

"_If he should ever go, I' would've been off the highest cliffs in La Push._"

I should've seen it before.

As quietly as possible, I sneak past the lounge room and to the front door. On the bench there are the keys to the flat, the shed – I pick out the rusted silver for Sue's car. I... I don't want to even think about sitting in Collin's car.

I lock the door behind me, then run to Sue's car. I don't have much time. My fingers fumble on the door but I manage to get the door open, then shut. I start the car, reversing and driving off before she can follow me.

I lean back in the cars seat, still driving at a fast speed. I should've brought my glasses, I think as I squint through the rain, until I remember that they went missing weeks ago.

I floor the accelerator. In case Sue Clearwater or Emily Uley or anyone is chasing me. I have to get to the cliffs.

I make a few wrong turns – it's been so long since I've been out of the house. Every road sign, ever house reminds of Collin somehow, and I flinch even at the sight of them.

I pull into La Push's first beach car park. If they follow the car here, they'll think that it's First Beach I went to.

XxX

I'm walking through the forest. It's still raining, but only drizzling, although I can hear thunder in the distance.

My feet keep getting cut. I didn't think about shoes. I pull my dressing gown tighter around me, although it doesn't provide any heat. That I can never get back.

Unless I do this.

XxX

And I'm here.

I'm standing on the edge of the cliff, looking down. It's a long way down.

But is it far enough?

The waves are like giants. They rear back, grey and white surf, then smash onto the rocks below. I can smell the salty spray from up here.

I'll see Collin again.

"I'm coming," I whisper.

I close my eyes, and step forward--

But someone grabs me around the waist and slams me to the ground. I gasp, losing the wind from my lungs, but my eyes stay closed. I try to fight him, but he pins my hands above my head and leans over me.

I open my eyes.

The face is haggard and worn. He sneers at me and as he breathes on me, I can smell the alcohol. "_You're_ coming with me."

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

_I try so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along_

**AN: Fast updates, I know :D Cliffy!!! I've been wanting to write this chapter for ages... the next Jessie chapter is going to be so hard to write...**

**I HAD THE WEIRDEST DREAM about a week ago... basically I was at the beach, and I saw a gravestone, and I looked in closer and I realised it was Collin's... and I started freaking out and crying and I tried to run away, but then I woke up.**

**Strange, huh? It's the first dream I've had that's related to Twilight or even any of my stories.**

**Thankyou to **Kyliez**, **Lily CullenSalvatore**, andddd Izzzyyyy!!! (You didn't miss anything :D)**

**Love always,**

**Lena xo**


	16. Chapter XV: Fourteen Days

Chapter XV

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cos I know that I feel you somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I've ever been_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_But sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight._

→ Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

"I want to try something."

"Er...ok." I froze when she started to pull my shirt off.

"Er, Jessie, what are you doing?" I didn't stop her from trying to pull my shirt off though. If she wanted to strip me down, I was the last one to complain.

She blushed a little. "I'm just trying something. You don't mind, do you?" Her big grey eyes blinked up at me and as if of their own accord my hands were pulling up my shirt for her. As if I was going to deny her anything.

Especially this.

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked, only a little nervous. Her eyes were focussed on my torso for a moment and for the first time in a long time, I felt self-concious. But then she smiled and she reached out, her fingers gently brushing the surface of my skin. I shivered, but it didn't stop there. Her fingertips gently brushed over my abs and around to my back, dancing over my ribs.

"Wh-What are you doing?" It was hard to form proper words when she did that...

"I'm trying to find something," was her soft reply. I looked at her face but she seemed to be concentrating.

We were sitting on the lounge at my place. Brady was out somewhere with Embry, probably getting stoned, even though it was only five o'clock. It was a Thursday, or in Brady's vocabulary, "pay-day", but for me it was just another six hours that I had to go without Jessie. We were curled up on the couch while one of her more modern Jackie Chan movies played. It was already dark outside as the rain pounded down on the roof, and there was thunder rumbling in the distance, but I was proud to say that the weather and the TV were the last thing she was focussing on.

Her hands paused at my shoulder blades when I shuddered. She had moved around me so that she was sitting behind me instead. Her palms pressed flat on my shoulder blades and I whispered, "Fuck," my eyes closed, my head tipped back and my body was trembling. She pressed her lips to the skin on my shoulder blades and I nearly lost it then.

I turned around, pinning her to the couch beneath me.

"What are you doing?" I whispered. My chest was heaving like I'd run some sort of race but Jessie was grinning triumphantly.

"I found it," was all she said.

"Found what?" I leaned forward, placing teasing kisses down her neck.

"Your..." Her hand danced around my back and lightly brushed against my shoulder blade. I shuddered again, eyes closing.

When I opened them again, she smiled and gave me a soft kiss underneath my ear, where my jawbone ended.

"...sensitive spot."

"My what?" I wasn't really interested in what it was called. All I know is that it felt good...

"Sensitive spot. It makes you do this." She touched my shoulder blade again and I practically convulsed under her touch.

When she pulled her hand back and I was left hyperventilating, she watched me again with wide eyes.

I leaned in close until my mouth was a few centimetres away from her neck.

"Hmmm, this is quite unlike you," I breathed softly against her neck as I spoke, and I felt her shiver .

"Unlike me?" she repeated a little breathlessly. I chuckled.

"Yes, it's quite... dominating." She blinked and for once looked shy as she looked up at me.

"I like the power I have over you," she murmured and I felt... speechless, I guess. She was just so beautiful right now.

I pulled her up and onto my lap, her head resting on my shoulder as we watched the movie. Well, as she watched the movie, I watched her. After a few painstaking minutes I began an attack of my own on her.

I slowly played with the hem of her shirt, tugging at it, and she didn't seem to notice so I slipped one hand underneath it, resting on her stomach. She didn't seem to notice so I slowly started working my way around to her back when she shifted slightly.

"What are you doing?" she murmured, not turning to look.

"Exploring," I murmured in her ear. At that moment my fingers danced over her ribs on her left side and she squealed, pulling my hand away.

"I'm ticklish," she protested, but I held her securely and tried it again. As soon as my fingers contacted the skin over her ribs on her left side, she did the sexiest thing. Her whole body relaxed and she frigging _moaned_.

As gently as I could I pushed her off of me and practically sprinted to the other side of the room. She straightened herself out and I distinctly heard a sigh. This wasn't the first time I'd done it – broken it up when things got too intense – and Jessie had never stopped me, she just waited 'till I had calmed down enough... until I could be sure I could control myself enough... to be near her again.

It took nearly an hour this time for my heart rate and breathing to slow down.

I sat next to her, our legs touching on the lounge, but not reaching out for her.

"Sorry," I said. She was still flushed, but her shirt was on straight and her hair was tied back neatly.

"I just," I paused, "I can't-"

"I know," she said quietly, giving me a small smile. She got her glasses from the dining room and came back, curling up at the opposite end of the couch, and hugging a pillow. I frowned, not liking the distance between us, as I moved in closer.

"Just because I love you doesn't mean I want to be a complete celibate," I muttered as I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. She smiled.

"Is that what you are now? A celibate?"

"Our Collin, a celibate? Please, next thing you know the grim reaper will be giving out CPR!" announced the subtly dulcet tones of Brady.

"Hi Brady," said Jessie as he walked into the room, actually not smelling like alcohol for once.

"Didn't you two go out to get stoned?" I asked. He shrugged, then Jessie watched with an expression of fascination, amusement and disgust on her face as he chugged a whole carton of milk without breathing.

"Did you just-" she blushed as I cut in.

"Don't. Just don't. Or he'll-"

"Is that a challenge I hear!" he announced and I groaned while Jessie laughed.

"Don't be such a party pooper, Collin. Besides, that was the last jug of milk. Anyways, the point is that you can't enjoy girls very well if you're wiped off your face. Sure, it's a lot funner, but you don't remember much of it the next day. I'm hitting the sack," he announced, throwing the empty carton into the corner of the room. "Keep the noise down, love birds, I've got work tomorrow."

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically as he left. He just winked at me.

XxX

"What?"

THIS WAS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED.

Maybe I'm exaggerating.

A little.

"I-I just thought I needed it, t-to focus..." Jessie was stuttering in front of me again, something I had been proud to say she hadn't done for a few months.

"But your exams go for two whole weeks," I spluttered. _Two. Whole. Weeks. _"I can't see you during any of it?"

She was flushing still. "Well, you could call me and stuff, still. You don't have to do it, I just want to focus on my studying a-and it's..." she was blushing and stammering and as cute as it was, I still couldn't get over the fact that two weeks was a fucking long time...

"It's ok, of course I want you to focus," I murmured, pulling her into a hug. She relaxed a little and I kissed her forehead. "I just don't want to go too long without seeing you..."

She smiled gently. "It's only two weeks, Collin, and after that I'm _free_. Forever."

I nodded, while trying to figure out how long I would go without seeing her. That's... fourteen days. Fourteen times twenty-four is... gah. Too many frigging hours.

If she wanted it, though...

And so I began the countdown.

**Two weeks or fourteen days or three-hundred and thirty-six hours until I see her again.**

"What if she's not ok? What if she exerts herself over the exams and something happens? What if-"

"Dude, shuttup! She's fine!" roared Brady, turning up the television so he could actually hear the football match.

"How can you focus on football at a time like this?" I shrieked, my voice breaking like it hadn't done since I was thirteen.

"Easy. She's fine. They're about to get their butts kicked," he indicated the red team on the screen. "How can you _not_ focus on football at a time like this?" Brady threw a pillow at me. "Now shuttup and stop being so damn negative."

"Easy for you to say, you wait 'till _you_ imprint, then _I'll_ be the one laughing at you," I snapped, throwing the pillow back. He caught it and sighed.

"Dude, you know what you need?"

I didn't reply.

"Male bonding time."

**Thirteen days or three-hundred and twelve hours until I see her again.**

"I hate you Brady."

"You love me really."

"No. I _hate_ you."

"Dude, shuttup!" yelled Embry. Half a dozen werewolves suddenly jumped up, yelling and screaming at the TV as some guy or another ran a home run. I covered my ears and glared at Brady.

"This was your genius idea!" I yelled at him over the brawl as Jared enthusiastically thumped me on the back.

"Yes! Male bonding time! Come on, this is fun, right?" He yelled back. At that moment the player got a home run which involved Jake screaming, Quil over ending bowls of popcorn in his victory dance and Paul declaring his undying love for said baseball player.

I glared at Brady.

**Twelve days or three-hundred and eleven hours until I see her again**

"I'm going insane and it's only Day Twelve!"

From the couch, Seth and Brady gave me a strange looks. "Don't you mean Day Two?"

"Nope." I shook my head. "It's Twelve Days until I see her again," I explained.

"But it's been two days since you've seen her," pointed out Brady. "So doesn't that-"

"Shhhh," cut in Seth when I opened my mouth.

"He needs to count down, not up, or it'll just be depressing," explained Seth in a whisper to Brady. I could hear everything but the ironic thing was, Seth wasn't being sarcastic.

Brady gave us _both_ weird looks then, first Seth, then me.

"Ok!" he held his hands up in surrender. "You guys are both freaks."

My eye twitched. "Says the one who thinks with his-"

"ALRIGHT! That's enough!" Interrupted Seth.

Brady just smirked.

I started banging my head on the table.

Brady nodded knowingly. "It's about time Collin's sanity took a holiday. He's too normal for his own good."

**Eleven days or two-hundred and eighty-eight hours until I see her again**

I think I'm going crazy.

**Ten days or two-hundred and sixty-four hours I see her again**

My head hurts.

**Nine days or two-hundred and forty hours I see her again**

"What if she doesn't look both ways when she crosses the road?"

"Look, Collin-"

"What if she's too cold at night without me and she catches insomnia?"

"Collin-"

"-"

"COLLIN!"

**Eight days or two-hundred and sixteen hours until I see her again**

"Dude, you just need to find something else to spend your time on." Brady nodded wisely.

"What do you mean? Like a hobby?"

"Yes, a new hobby, something _else_ to do in your spare time besides her-"

"AAAARRRGGH!"

**Seven days or one-hundred and ninety-two hours until I see her again**

It's the half way mark.

I've officially gotten halfway.

In seven days I will see her again.

And it's exactly nine o'clock at night which means - if she keeps her promise - she is going to call me.

As soon as the phone rings I pick it up and am a little breathless as I say "Hello?"

"Dude, wassup!"

"Embry!" I roar. "Get off, I've got an important call coming-"

"I know, Brady told me." I can _hear_ him smirking.

"Not funny." I hang up the phone. A second later it rings again. I pick it up and yell "I swear to God Embry this isn't funny-!"

"Collin?"

I have to pause, and sigh, and close my eyes. I miss her voice.

"Hey," I say softly. I hear her giggle a little.

"What was that about Embry?"

"Nothing," I mumble. "How's things?"

"Hm? Oh, they're, er, fine. Just, exams and stuff, you know."

She sounds almost... pained. Or maybe it's just my imagination. Which seems to have gone just a little out of control lately.

We talk for awhile and I manage to get her laughing about Brady's antics at the least. Finally she sighs.

"It's ten, I've got to go Collin, I've got a geometry exam up first tomorrow early."

I wince. It's felt like a few minutes, hardly an hour. "Oh, ok. I failed geometry so whatever happens, remember that you're better than me at it. Good luck!" I sound bright and cheerful and she laughs, but there's still something missing from her tone of voice and I'm already worrying.

**Six days or one hundred and sixty-eight hours until I see her again**

_Knock-knock_.

"Seriously, dude, this isn't funny any more Collin."

"Get lost," I mutter half-heartedly to my bedroom door. Brady knocks again and I pull the pillow over my head.

I hear a _crunch _as the wood splinters. There's a final loud _crack!_ as the door is ripped off its hunches and I squint, half-opening my eyes to see Brady and the remnants of my bedroom door standing in the doorframe.

"You know there were keys to my door, right?" I mumble as I bury my head back in the pillow.

"Oh. Oops. Come on, we got patrol."

"Again? We got back from a round just one shift ago."

"I know, but Jake and Sam have both agreed to give you—us—double the shifts to try and get your mind off of... stuff."

I grumble incomprehensible something about alphas and them sticking their noses into other people's business. Since Jake had phased the packs had reached some weird sort of truce where they could hear each other's thoughts, same as before, but the wolves both took orders from their respective alphas. I dunno, apparently Sam, Jake and Doctor Dracula had some big-ass theory on how it worked but I didn't really know what it was.

"Seriously," said Brady in a tone that I might've mistaken for concern. "You've been locked up in this room since that phone call twenty-four hours ago. You will see her again, you know."

"I know," I groaned, wallowing in my self-pity. "I just... it's an imprint thing."

"I've been inside your head before," said Brady. "Try me."

"My head spins and hurts and it's like a giant headache that won't go away until I see her again. That's the simplest way of putting it," I mutter.

"Why don't you just cheat?" smirks Brady. "Play the ace, phase and go see her."

"NO!" I yell, jumping out of the bed. Brady steps back, palms open, a worried look on his face.

"I can't too close to her!" I yell. "Or I won't stop and I'll will lose control and I _will_ smash that house to bits to see her again!"

I dive back under the covers and I think I hear Brady sigh.

"Don't worry, I'll explain it to the alphas."

**Five days or one hundred and forty-four hours until I see her again**

The headache grows everyday.

I don't like sunlight. It reminds me of her. I don't know why, or how. It just reminds me of her.

**Three days or one hundred and something hours until I see her again I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I JUST NEED TO SEE HER**

**Two days or one-hundred and blah blah blah**

Panadol doesn't help. I'm scared to leave the bed because at one point I left to go to the toilet and it took me five minutes to realise that I was actually walking out the door and down the road in the approximate direction of her house.

Even Brady leaves me alone now.

I called up Seth at one point.

"How the hell did you go without Kaylie for a whole month?" I roar into the phone when he picks up.

"I don't know," is all he says. Some help.

**One day until I see her again.**

That's twenty four hours.

I can do this.

Twenty four hours.

**Three hours until I see her again**

It's the start of her last exam.

I don't like Christie any more. This was her damn idea.

Yes, Jessie's education's important. Yes, I want her to be happy. I'll admit that with hindsight but right now, all I want is her.

**Two hours until I see her again**

If I start driving now, really really slowly, I'll be drive into a parking spot next to the school the moment her exams finish.

**One hour** **until I see her again.**

That's sixty minutes.

Three thousand six hundred seconds.

Three thousand five hundred and ninety-nine.

Three thousand five hundred and ninety-eight.

Three thousand five hundred and- this is ridiculous.

Relax, Collin, relax. It would be a bad idea to run into the school and take her now. Bad.

**Thirty minutes until I see her again**

I snapped the steering wheel off of the car. I don't know how I'm going to drive her back now.

XxX

The final siren rung. She's _free_.

Almost immediately, I see a blonde-haired figure streak across the carpark. I jump out of the car and run to meet her, lifting her up into my arms and she's gasping and crying as I kiss her, her hair, her forehead, her cheeks and finally her lips. I can smell her scent, I can hear her voice, I can feel her heartbeat against mine. _This_ is heaven.

"Never again," I whisper, kissing the tears.

"_Never_," she repeats.

XxX

_As we lay with our backs on the grass, in the yard of his house, he smiles at me and his hands run through my hair._

"_You're beautiful, you know that, Jessie?" he asks me in a soft voice, pressing his lips to my forehead. I automatically blush at the compliments that he seems to throw so frequently at me._

_I just wish I could believe him._

XxX

_I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cos I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

**AN: I. Apologise.**

**I could blame real life and although that has been inconveniently annoying, the main reason it's taken me FOREVER to get this chapter out is writer's block. I have the next like ten chapters planned out but I just couldn't figure out what to do with this one. I had about twenty starts to this chapter and none of them were working for me. Then a friend of mine (let's call them... Louis) was playing a game with me and was the part-inspiration for me to write this chapter. ILY ;) **

**SO MY UTMOST APOLOGIES TO YOU ALL.**

**Thankyou as always for reviews :) Basically ever new review I got I'd sit down and try a new chapter. The inspiration for this one was **surfprincess982, **but big thankyous to **starXX,.Wolf (I'll make a note of it :D), BEEcausexoxo, littleauthorxxx **and **Ella (THANKYOU I don't mind! (: ) **New readers, as well as the recognised old ones ;) keep me going.**

**A bit of housekeeping: If anyone's interested in the scene, the AH Twilight Awards are up, the link is twilightallhumanawards(dot)webs(dot)com(slash)voting(dot)htm so if you're into that thing, check to see if your faves are up there. I'm not but some of my faves are :D**

**Thankyou to HILL COLLINS I keep trying to thank you and I finally figured out that the site thinks your a link so it erases you oO**

**I know this has been long AN but I have one more thing – does anyone think this fic is getting a bit above it's T rating? Cos if it is, just let me know and I can change it. I think it's _mostly_ implying but I'm here to serve you ;) If you think the rating should be changed just let me know, although the first part is as 'hot' as it's going to get. Sorry, Izzy... :P**

**So what do you think? I know Collin maybe went a bit OOC there with the whole, er, losing his sanity thing, but it kinda matches my mood at the moment.**

**Ly Indie :)**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

ONE BIG FAVOUR to ask of you. JERRI, from the Jivali Team who has been a big supporter of this story, wrote me a SETH FIC for my birthday! It would mean so much to me if you could check it out and let Jerri know what you think. It's rated M but has an annoying lack of smut (in my personal opinion). Jerri is an amazing writer, **My Elemental** is the best birthday present anyone could ever ask for :D

Summary: Seth has lost everything and sinks into a darkness that no one – not even his imprint – can save him from. If his imprint cannot bring him back from the brink, who on this Earth can? SethxOC rated M for possible bloodshed and smut... XD

Link: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5971806/1/My_Elemental


	17. Chapter XVI: Barely Holding On

Chapter XVI

_The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head_

_I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead_

_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes_

_They aren't looking for purpose, they're still looking for life_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart, that's still beating_

_I'm holding on, I'm holding on_

_I'm barely holding onto you_

→ Broken, Lifehouse

"Brady."

He jumped back at the mention of his name. His eyes furtively darted around and for one moment he reminded me of a wild animal that was cornered.

Then he took my wrist in my hands, tightly pulling me up.

I was in shock, watching the man in front of me. His clothes were greasy and dirty; the smell of alcohol was heavy on him; an array of scratches and cuts were on his face and so was a large amount of stubble.

"What happened to you?" I whispered.

"What do you _think_ happened?" he snapped, then his expression softened only slightly.

"I could say the same for you."

He began dragging me away from the cliffside, his fingers a tight manacle around my wrist.

"Brady, I can't feel my fingers—"

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" he roared suddenly.

He let go of me and rapped my skull. "Did you even _think_ about me or Anna or Seth or Kay—"

"None of that _matters_!" I shrieked.

"Did you even think about Collin?" he snarled. "What would he think if you had stepped forward?"

"This is my fault," he muttered. "I promised I'd look out for you but I've FUCKING SCREWED IT UP!"

Then he was gone.

The wind whistled in my ears and the waves crashed against the cliff but it no longer tempted me, no longer called.

I heard a strangled wolf cry that was close – very close.

Ice-cold fingers brushed my neck. "What are you thinking, weak one?" whispered the hoarse voice of my nightmare. I froze, the fear slowly seeping through my body, paralysing me, clouding my mind like a thick fog...

And then I heard faint voice, like someone yelling from a long way away.

"Find him!"

"Collin," I whispered back, but then his voice was gone. So was the fear. I ran, as fast as my dress would let me, into the forest after Brady.

XxX

He was human and clothed, sprawled out on the ground in a clearing a little way into the forest. Around him were discarded alcohol cartons, bottles and cans of different brands. In his hand was an empty bottle of vodka and now he reached desperately for a half-full bottle to his right, only inches from his fingertips. The words slipped out before I could stop them, my soft voice cutting into the silence.

"You're pathetic."

He halted his movements. Slowly he clambered to his feet, bending down to retrieve a can.

"_I'm_ pathetic?" He tipped his head back, draining the last drops from the can. He frowned, crushing the can in his hand and flinging it away. He walked around the area for a few minutes, kicking randomly at cartons until he hit one with full, sealed bottles of vodka. Eagerly, he pulled off the lid, tipping his head back and guzzling its contents.

His shirt was wet, ripped and stained; there was mud and leaf litter all through his long hair. The whole place carried an intense form of the burning smell of alcohol that I'd noticed on Brady earlier.

"So this is what you've been doing for the last few months? Staying here and drinking away?" I asked him coldly. He ignored me, dropping the glass bottle on the ground and getting yet another drink.

I swallowed before speaking. "He... he would be ashamed."

Brady snorted. "And cliff-jumping is so much better."

I gritted my teeth. "You shouldn't have stopped me! If the imprint dies the wolf dies with her, and _no one_ tries intervene then. But I'm not even allowed to see him again! No one will let me jus—"

"You think _we_ don't want to see him?" growled Brady. He was shaking, but so was I.

"It's different for me! He was my soul mate, I was his imprint!" I screamed.

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT WAS DIFFERENT!" he roared. "BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, JESSIE?" He threw the glass bottle at my feet and I jumped back as it smashed on the ground next to me. "You're not the only one who misses him and I am _sick_ of everyone treating you like you _are _the only one. Because I miss him! He was my best friend and then the next moment he's _gone_. Do you know what it's like for the pack, having a missing voice? It's like there's an empty echo where his voice should be, but _isn't_."

He was shaking uncontrollably now. He stalked towards me, hands raised and he clumsily swung at me. I stumbled, falling onto the glass and I screamed as it cut me.

"Did you ever think about _Seth_?" He roared, waving his arms at me. "He _insists_ that Collin's death was _his_ fault because he didn't turn around, he didn't warn Collin, he wasn't _smart_ enough to realise _it _was there. And the worst fucking part is that NO ONE corrects him!" Now instead of standing over me Brady was pacing, and eventually he reached a tree and let out a yell as he smashed his fist into it. There was a _crack_ as his fist sunk into the wood, then he pulled it back and I could see the blood dripping down his hand. He was panting and shaking, his back turned to me, and I tried to stand up without cutting myself more on the glass.

"Seth can't even _look _at you without..." His voice broke. "_No one_ in the pack can look at you because every time we do, it just reminds us that it was _our _fault that he died."

"Brady—"

"Shuttup!" he yelled, but his words didn't contain the same anger as before. "It was one leech. _One. Fucking. Leech._ We've taken on the world's greatest coven, and we couldn't take just one vampire!" He was laughing hysterically as he turned to face me, but there were tears running down his face.

"We failed Collin. We failed you. And we let it get away, failing to further protect the reservation. We screwed up every way possible. Look at you now. You won't even leave the house and when you do, it's to go cliff-diving," he said sarcastically. The tears didn't stop and I was crying now, too.

"And today they're all going on a field trip to his grave to talk to a rock," Brady finished. He was still shaking but it wasn't from anger now. His hands were bunched into fists but he was calm. "He would've been twenty today. He should've been married to you and we all would've lived happily ever after. But it never _works like that_," he hissed.

We were both silent for awhile. I don't know how long we stood like that, before Brady finally crossed the shards of broken glass with bare feet. He watched me carefully, then paced the clearing again, kicking the boxes in a seemingly random pattern before he found a sealed can. He popped it, drinking from the can and sitting on the ground. I went over and sat next to him, both of us cross-legged.

"I have to drink lots of it," he said finally. "The wolf body consumes a lot faster than yours. That's one of the reasons we have to eat so much. It means the alcohol affects us quicker, but for a shorter amount of time."

"You shouldn't," I said quietly. He just laughed humourlessly, taking more gulps of it.

"I can't help it. It's the only time I'm happy. Only time I escape all of this bullshit with the pack and with you and with Collin. It... numbs me."

I was quiet, but finally I reached out and took the can from his hands. Surprisingly he didn't protest as I turned the can upside down, then threw it away. I leaned to the side, resting my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around me. The warmth wasn't Collin, but it was warmth that I hadn't felt in awhile.

"I miss him too," I said quietly. I felt myself choke up and knew the tears were coming and as I started sobbing, Brady just pulled me into a tighter hug and together we just cried.

XxX

Our hands were linked as the house came into view. We had been walking for awhile and my hand was sweaty but Brady didn't let go, and I didn't want him to. I needed him because he knew what I was going through, and he needed me.

I wasn't happy. I was still scared of the monster that chased me; I still knew Collin was gone and I still wanted to join him. But Brady was giving me something else – a reason to stay. If I left, Brady would be alone, and I wasn't going to leave Collin's best friend behind for any reason.

And I needed him, because he reminded me that Collin wanted me safe.

Gathered on the porch were the pack and company. It was Embry who saw us first, and I saw him point and say something to the others. We were standing in the yard then, me and Brady, just watching them and not saying anything.

"Where have you been? We've been worried sick!" cried a familiar voice and she hugged me, nearly knocking the wind out of me. Not letting go of Brady, I gave her a one-armed hug in return.

"I'm sorry Kaylie," I said. "I... I wasn't thinking and—"

Kaylie stepped back, her eyes wide. "What did you just say?"

"I wasn't thinking but Brady helped me think, and it's—" I wanted to say it was ok now, but it wasn't. "I'm better now."

"Did you just call me Kaylie?" stuttered the girl.

"Umm... yes?" I tried to look back on the last months but my head was clear now, and they were a blur of nightmares and dim memories.

"Why haven't you been to see me?" I added gently. Not that I blamed her, but I was curious.

Instead of replying, she burst into tears and threaded her way back to the crowd. Seth Clearwater took her in his arms and he was crying too as she sobbed onto his shoulder.

"Seth?" I said, once Kaylie's tears had subsided and she had moved away. Seth looked at his feet, and was silent.

"Seth," I said again. I was terrified but I had to let him know.

"It wasn't your fault and it never was. It would've happened if Collin had been there with a thousand wolves. _It wasn't your fault_."

I don't think he believed me, at least not then. But a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Thanks," he said quietly. My breathing heavy, I let go of Brady's hand and reached out to him. He finally looked up then, and what I saw scared me. His face was blank, his eyes dark – not the cheerful Seth that I knew.

How could I have missed this?

He pulled me into a tight hug.

"I've missed you, Jess," he said softly. I murmured in his ear, "Remember, it wasn't your fault. It was the vampire's."

XxX

"Are you going to be ok?"

The words came from Brady as I curled into a ball on my bed. All the blankets were pulled tightly around me to fight off the foreboding cold, but nothing was there to fight off the fear of what I would see the next time I closed my eyes.

"I... I don't know. Brady, do you... do you have nightmares?"

He just looked at me with an unnamed expression on his face. Finally he sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug. I basked in the warmth.

"They're not real, Jessie."

"I know," I said quietly. "They feel real."

Brady shut his eyes tightly. "I... I see Seth's memories, of what happened. Every night. Except last night."

"What happened last night?" I asked in an attempt at a calm voice, because Brady's breathing was ragged and he was trembling. He was scared.

"I—You'll think I'm crazy."

I winced at the last word. "I've been delusional for the last three months. I've been seeing monsters everywhere and seeing my dead sister— oh my God." I felt my blood run cold and I started to cry again.

"Shh, it's ok," said Brady soothingly, rocking me back and forth like a child.

"I forgot," I choked out. "I forgot it was her birthday today."

"Don't worry. She understands. As long as you don't forget her."

I shivered. "It—It's weird. To me, when I hear her name, I see a child. Even though she's my older sister." I curled into Brady as well as I could. He tried to pat my back, and didn't miss it when I winced as he hit the small but many cuts littered on my back.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he said finally. "I... I get angry all the time now. And I do stupid things, but this was the stupidest. I'm sorry."

"It's ok," I said. Then I gulped, and worked up the courage to ask the question. "What was your dream about?"

"I had a dream last night that Collin was calling to me and walking around our old place. I was ignoring him but he kept asking me to follow him, because it was important. When I did, I followed him to the cliffs. Then I woke up," he said softly. "And I could still hear him telling me to follow him. So I went up there for real. And you were there..."

My breath caught. It was impossible.

"He's not really gone, you know, Jessie. And he never will be."

I felt my eyes starting to close. I moved over so Brady had more room and that was how we slept, side by side, as if we could offer each other some sort of protection against the world. I don't know how it was for Brady. All I knew was that for the first time in a long time, my sleep that night was dreamless.

_I'm hanging on another day_

_Just to see what you will throw my way_

_And I'm hanging onto the words you say_

_You said that I will be ok_

_The broken lights from the freeway left me here alone_

_I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home_

**AN: Er. That was fast. But I've been planning this chapter for awhile so it's finally good to get it out there :D It's a little different to what I originally wanted it to be, but it's still good.**

**And now: ~insert fanfare trumpets~ **The 100 review dance!** I promised someone a long time ago I would do it, and that dance applies here. Thankyou to Every. Single. Person who reviewed. I've been tempted to give up on this story at times, but the reviews remind me that if I did give up, I'd let other people down :) So thankyou!**

**This chapter's got a special mention to **Indie Rose**. She's an awesome (emotional) beta and re-introduced me to the awesomeness that is Lifehouse, a few months ago. ILY. Check out her work, she's got some wolf fics up there and she is an amazing writer :D**

**Another quick reminder – Jerri's written a birthday fic for me called **My Elemental**. Please check it out!**

**Thankyou again to everyone who's reviewed and even just read this far. As Alice says, "You're my idol." :D**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**


	18. Chapter XVII: Risking Forever

Chapter XVII

**AN: Just, by the way. I think I'm in love with Enrique Iglesias. He looked reeeallly good on Two and a Half Men :P And I have this thing for Spanish/Italian guys. The fact that he's not single is irrelevant. :P**

_Over and over I look in your eyes_

_You are all that I desire_

_You have captured me_

_I want to hold you, I want to be close to you_

_I never want to let go_

→ Could I Have This Night Forever, Enrique Iglesais and Whitney Houston

"Look, Jessie, there's something I need to tell you. I'm a werewolf."

Brady smirked, then squeaked in a high-pitched voice, "It's ok Collin because I love you for who you are, despite your fluffy problem. Now let's go make love behind that tree!"

I scowled. He ducked as I tried to punch him. "Not funny."

"It was hilarious. Admit it."

I glared at him. "Look, if Seth was here I'd be going to him, but he's not, so you'll have to do. I've been going out with her for a year."

Brady's mouth dropped open. "And you _still_ haven't got her in the sack yet? Shame on you!"

I growled and crouched, ready to attack, but Brady whistled.

"Loosen up, cowboy, I was kidding."

"Seriously," I said, "This is going to be a life-changing moment, Brady. I'm going to tell her the truth and she's either going to think I'm a monster or think I'm crazy."

"Dude," Brady rolled his eyes and took a swig from the bottle of vodka in his hand. "You just gotta prove that you're telling the truth and that you're not crazy. Then she'll get over it and you'll get married and have lots of little wolf-babies and everyone will live happily ever after!"

"Easy for you to say," I muttered. "What if she _does_ think I'm a monster though?"

Brady stopped smiling and watched me. "You're scared."

"No shit, Sherlock!" I yelped. "I'm terrified! My whole frigging future depends on her reaction!"

Brady shrugged. "You don't have to tell her now, you know. You could always wait..."

I shook my head. "No. I-I can't do that either. I've _got _to tell her. It's not fair on her, and we've been going out for nearly a year now. Trust is an important part of a relationship."

He snickered. "Only girls say that sort of thing."

I just glared at him.

"Riiiight, girls, Seth and Collin." Brady sighed. "Ok, well, then you're just going to have to grow a pair and tell her dude." He clapped me on the back. "Good luck. And remember whatever happens, the imprint bond won't let her stray too far." He winked.

"Yeah yeah," I mumbled.

XxX

"So, erm..."

We were sitting in Jessie's backyard. Well, she was sitting and I was laying down on my stomach, looking up at her. Talk about the perfect view...

"Hmm?" she asked, reaching over and pulling some stray flowers from the ground. I watched as she began threading them into a long chain.

"Do you know what the date is tomorrow?" I asked. I saw Jessie blush.

"Yeah, the third of July," she murmured. "Why?"

I reached up and pressed my palm to her cheek. She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning into my hand.

"Tomorrow is officially three-hundred and sixty-five days since our first date," I said softly. Her eyes opened and she smiled the small smile that I couldn't seem to live without.

"I didn't think you'd remember," she murmured. I smiled back.

"So you know what today is?" I sat up now, sitting cross-legged in front of her, mirroring her posture, our legs touching. I leaned in and so did she, until our foreheads were touching.

"I-I-I don't know," she stuttered.

"Today it's been one year since I saw you." I leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "You have no idea how much my world has changed since then," I murmured when I pulled back. She leaned forward, trying to kiss me again, but I chuckled and pressed a finger to her lips.

"I love you," she said simply, then tried to lean forward again.

I laughed but let her kiss me this time, tasting her as she deepened the kiss. Finally I broke it off, but she started kissing my neck instead. I could hear her humming softly.

"I love you too," I replied. "And a year ago tomorrow, you promised me a song," I added in a teasing tone.

She stopped and her mouth dropped open. "I did not, you took that promise from me," she pouted, and I laughed and kissed her cheek.

"You don't have to you know," I said with a smile. "I'd just like to hear you sing, one day."

XxX

I woke up early, in Jessie's bed, lying next to her and I propped my head up on one elbow, watching her. There came a _bleep bleep_-ing noise from the alarm for five o'clock, exactly one and a half hours early, and I quickly leaned over and switched it off before it woke her up.

And so my master plan began.

I slowly crept downstairs, and left the letter at the foot of the door downstairs. Hopefully it would look like it had come in with the ordinary mail.

I didn't want her to read it until I was ready.

XxX

"Do you think she's read it?" I garbled on excitedly. "I mean, she's not rude enough to read other people's mail, is she? So the person who's supposed to get it will get it, right? What if the _wrong_ person reads it, and-"

There was a _whack _as I was slapped across the face. I blinked, then looked at Brady.

"Thanks," I finally muttered sheepishly. As we set up the... "area"... I looked up at Brady, unsure of myself with Jessie for the first time in... well, a year.

"What if... what if it doesn't work out?"

He rolled his eyes. Always the realist. "Dude, it always works out."

We kept working and I didn't miss him mutter to himself, "Eventually."

I scowled at him. Brady's eyes went wide and innocent, his hands up.

"Dude, just relax, ok? Tonight's a big night. You're going to tell her the truth, it's a year since you first met your imprint and you're going to look back on this night and tell your first-born kid, 'That's the night _you_ were conceived-'"

I growled, jumping for Brady and pushing him to the ground. He grinned and we wrestled in the dirt for a bit, play-fighting in human form for the first time in ages. Finally I stood up, brushing myself off, while Brady nursed a black eye.

"I let you win," he muttered as he always did whenever he lost. "What?" he added as I snorted. "It's a self esteem thing, Collin. I have to give you these little confidence boosters every now and again or you'll become depressed and find yourself constantly comparing yourself to the awesomeness that is me-"

"Shut your mouth and finish the job," I just grinned. I couldn't wait to see the chick he'd imprint on. She'd have to be stubborn and head fast to get anywhere with this one.

XxX

She frowned slightly as she saw her name written on the envelope. As she opened the letter she relaxed when she saw the name signed off at the bottom, along with the simple message of _Thankyou for doing this. Five o'clock. _

Christie Renalds shook her head. Collin had been good for Jessie over the past year and she needed him, that much was obvious. Christie had the funny feeling that Collin needed her just as much and that there was every possibility he would spoil her.

She turned to Jessie now, and didn't miss the small downturn of her mouth.

"Jessie, I was wondering if you would come to me to the office and help us with some of the papers there." She'd ask Jessie to come and help before, so the suggestion didn't sound too strange.

"O-oh," stuttered Jessie. Christie watched as the light blush tinged her cheeks. "Actually, I think I was supposed to hang out with Collin today-"

"Think?" repeated Christie doubtfully. "You've slept in, it's almost nine now, he normally calls before that. We could really use your help at the office."

Jessie nodded, then looked down at her cereal. Christie smiled as she went back to sorting through the mail.

XxX

I was practically twitching as I sat there in the seat of the car. Brady reached over and punched me in the arm.

"Ree-laaaaax," he said slowly. "It's quarter to five, we're right on schedule. Is this it?"

I checked the address Christie had scrawled on the piece of paper, then nodded. "Yep."

Christie worked an office job in a small business in Port Angeles. As far as I knew the office – I don't know what it actually did – was having trouble finding business.

I stepped out of the car. "Wish me luck," I said to Brady.

"Go break a leg or three," he said, winking. I rolled my eyes and entered the small office. An older woman of about forty was sitting at the desk alongside my imprint. Jessie smiled when she saw me, looking up from her computer work, and I automatically grinned back.

"I'm here to pick up a Miss Anderson," I told the receptionist. She smiled and nodded, and I walked around behind the desk, taking Jessie's hand and pulling her outside.

"What about-" she looked pointedly at the computer but I gave her a quick, soft kiss on the lips. "It can wait," I said with a smile as I pulled the black scarf out from my pocket. "Now close your eyes."

"What are you doing?" she asked shyly as I tied the scarf over her eyes, taking her hand in one of mine and wrapping an arm securely around her waist to guide her out and into the car.

"Surprise?" I said, brushing my lips gently over her cheeks, then her mouth. Her heart rate sped up, as it always did, and I smiled.

"This is going to seem absolutely cheesy, but I just had to do something," I teased her as I put her seatbelt on. I nodded at Brady, who winked and tipped the peaked hat that he'd insisted on bringing while being a "real sort of chauffeur." His orders were to stay silent.

"By the way Jessie, if you feel a hand where you shouldn't I swear it's not mine!" He announced from the driver's seat.

Well. I hadn't really thought he'd listen to me.

Jessie's head turned. "That is Brady, right?"

"The one and only!" he confirmed.

"I'm blindfolded and Brady is driving. Now I'm scared," she muttered to herself. I chuckled and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"I'm here, I won't let him do anything," I promised.

We were practically thrown across the seats as Brady suddenly swerved, making a sharp u-turn.

"Nearly missed it!" he said cheerfully as he drove down the right road. I quickly but gently pushed Jessie off of me. It wasn't that I didn't like her touch against me – it was that I liked it too much. It was bad enough that she was blindfolded. There were voices in my head (that sounded much too much like Brady) that were whispering about stuff that could be done with blindfolds on...

Brady hit brakes and we pulled to a sudden halt. It was only when I'd helped Jessie out of the car and Brady had driven off did I finally take her blindfold off.

"Collin, it's _beautiful_."

Well, to me it was just a house. A kind of cottage thing with the whole little garden and the climbing vines all over the front of the house – that was Kim's work, I knew. It was small, but it was good.

"It's Kim and Jared's but it's ours for tonight and tomorrow." I owed them big time, Jared had taken Kim and their kid out for the night to a hotel in Seattle just so I could use his house. "All your stuff's in there, I spoke to Christie and-"

I turned to Jessie and was shocked to see tears trailing down her perfect cheeks. I was a little confused at first because my first instinct was screaming DESTROY WHAT'S MAKING THOSE TEARS EXIST but I couldn't see exactly what it was.

She turned to me and gave me her trademark smile, blue eyes wide.

"Collin, it's _perfect_."

I smiled, watching her for that moment.

"It gets better." I took her hand and led her to the house. As we walked through the modest place, there was two small bedrooms, the kitchen, bathroom, toilet, laundry etc. etc. but what interested Jessie in particular was the living room. Paul had generously (after being bribed with a hell of a lot of takes for patrol and a hell of a lot of food) come over and installed his plasma TV into the living room. The wide-screen and the huge speakers set up next to it seemed to take up most of the room, with the actual lounge crammed against one wall, various cupboards and memoirs loaded up on the side, and a small section of Jessie's Jackie Chan movie collection piled underneath the TV. I moved forward, plucking the top DVD from the pile. Jessie actually squealed before giving me a hug – it was the 'rare' Chinese version of one of her favourite films, _New Police Story,_ but underneath it was an envelope. I handed it to her and when she opened it, her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. I gently put my hand under her chin, pushing it closed.

"I thought these were _impossible_ to get."

"Anything's possible," I teased, returning the tickets to the premiere screening of _The Karate Kid _in Seattle in a few month's time. That one, admittedly, had been Brady's idea.

Jessie watched me with wide green eyes for a moment, before she moved forward. I pulled her automatically into a hug, my chin resting on her head.

"I love you, you know that, right?" she asked. I could feel her humming again, the vibrations from her throat passing on through my chest. I shivered at the contact.

"I... I didn't prepare anything like this. And you've put so much time and that into this..." she was blushing and her voice was quietening.

I kissed the corner of her mouth, smiling. "I _wanted_ to do this. You should be used to me spoiling the hell out of you after a year," I teased. She looked up at me, eyes bright and I leaned forward, our foreheads touching.

"I'd give you the world if you asked for it," I whispered, kissing her gently on the mouth. I was only half-kidding, too.

XxX

Why anyone would watch a movie in Chinese, with English subtitles, just for the honour of watching it in Chinese is beyond me. As the last scene played, Jessie was completely in my arms and sobbing quietly. I wasn't crying (Brady would have _never_ let me live that down) - the movie was sad but I was only slightly distracted by the feeling of Jessie pressed up against me.

Alright, I was hyperventilating. We were alone in a house with no Christie downstairs and Jessie was cute when she was cuddled up against me. It was hard to think straight.

Hmm. I thought the imprint bond was supposed to guarantee her happiness, not my hormones.

As the credits rolled down the screen, I checked the time. Seven o'clock.

"Come on," I said, lifting her up in my arms. She gasped as she was lifted off of the floor bridal-style, but didn't protest or move, her arms around my neck only tightening. As I carried her out of the house, I stopped and handed her a basket.

"What's this for?" she asked, testing its weight.

"Surprise," I said teasingly, reluctantly setting her on the ground. I tucked the picnic basket under one arm and wrapped my free one around Jessie.

"You ready?" I whispered in her ear. She shivered, then nodded and we began to walk down the path towards what Brady and I had toiled away at all day.

One of the reasons I was so glad when Jared offered his house up for the night was because not only was it the closest to the beach (around fifty metres away) it was also hundreds of metres away from any other houses.

Brady had warned me that he would break my fingers if I "took advantage of sweet, innocent Jessie" (his words, not mine). I'd thought he was an idiot at the time. After all, I'd never hurt Jessie.

But her arm was around my waist, her head on my shoulder, and she kept randomly leaning up and kissing me. On my neck, cheeks, mouth. It was a very good distraction from my calm, chaste thoughts.

"Collin," I heard her breathe as we came onto the site.

The whole place had been set up with fairy lights, underneath the trees just a few metres from the sand. Set up underneath this was a picnic blanket and a huge woollen blanket was folded up neatly next to it. On the ground was a stereo system and a CD that Brady and Seth had "specifically burned for the mood." I placed the basket next to the mat and opened it, Jessie helping me set out Emily's amazing cooking including sandwiches, muffins and an apple pie.

That woman is a gift from God.

"You didn't make it, did you?" asked Jessie tentatively as she eyed a blueberry muffin.

"Thanks," I said with a grin, huffing and pretending to be offended. "Emily made them." Jessie didn't hesitate then as she took a bite, closing her eyes and savouring the taste.

I was licking my own lips at that point.

I realised that Jessie was shivering so I wrapped her up in the blanket that someone had cleverly left behind. She was still shivering under this so I pulled her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her. She wasn't cold then.

"Come on," I said after dinner was finished. "I want to go for a walk." I leaned down and pressed play on the stereo.

Immediately the loud electric guitar, drums and the blaring voice of Nickelback's lead singer blasted from the speakers.

"_I'm driving past your house, while you were sneaking out I got the car door opened up so you could jump in on the run, your Mom don't know that you were missing, she'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I was kissing-_"

I leaned down, fuming, to stop the CD when the track was suddenly cut off and I could hear Brady's and Seth's voices laughing over the speaker.

"_I _told_ you the song would suit the mood_," said Brady's voice. "_I bet Jessie's blushing right now, isn't she?_"

I looked over and in the dim glow of the fairy lights I could see the dark tinge to her cheeks.

"_Just wanted to let you know that it's awesome that you've stuck to him for a year, Jessie_," said Seth. Jessie smiled at me, and I threaded my fingers with hers.

"_And we actually did put real music on here," _added Seth.

"_This are your DJs Seth and Brady, over and out_," said Brady in a faked low voice.

I eyed Jessie as a new, more... _appropriate_ song came on. "I'd apologise but there's really no point."

She giggled, her cheeks still flushed. "It's ok."

As the new song played, I took her hand and led her out onto the beach. She left the blanket behind us and I wrapped my arms around her, suddenly worrying if the freezing cold La Push beach was the best place to take her. It wasn't raining, but when I looked up I couldn't see the stars. On the horizon there was a trace glow remaining from sunset. The air was lined with a slightly salty texture that was unique to La Push beach.

"Are you cold?" I asked her. She looked up at me, her small smile on her face.

"Just a little." I hesitated, then pulled my shirt off. I hadn't brought a jumper so it was the best chivalry I could offer. I could hear her heartbeat accelerating, just a little, but I helped her pull the t-shirt on. It was a few sizes too big for her.

She looked adorable in it.

She pressed her open palms to my stomach, surprising me at the contact. I pulled her back into my arms and she leaned into me, her head resting on my chest. I felt my heart skip a beat along with Jessie's as her head rested on the curve of my neck.

Unconsciously, we were swaying slowly to the beat. Again I could feel the vibrations from her throat, the soft sweetness of her voice as she hummed along to the song, just a little bit louder then she normally did. I strained to hear her soft voice but I could just make out the quiet words over the waves crashing on the sand and the wind in the trees.

"I wish that this night would never end," were the words almost whispered in a gentle melody. I leant down, pressing my lips to her temple.

"Please, louder," I whispered against her skin.

But she quieted, again going back to the humming. I had to stop myself from sighing. It was her choice, of course, but now that I'd heard the few words it would stay in my mind for awhile now.

I heard a wolf howl in the distance, and recognised it as Brady's. I felt Jessie tense.

"It's ok," I murmured. "The wolf is a friend of my tribe."

She cocked her head to the side. "You mean like the legends?"

My gut clenched. I had a perfect opening, right here, but I didn't want to take it. "Yeah. Like the legends."

I took her hand, twirling her around in a slow circle before taking her back into my arms.

I didn't want to tell her. But I couldn't let this get much farther, or I would _never_ tell her.

Now there's an idea...

I closed my eyes and remembered Brady's words. _The imprint bond won't let her stray too far._ It was fate – we were supposed to be together, whether I was phasing or not.

My breath was ragged and my palms were sweating. I was frigging _terrified_.

"Collin? What's wrong?" Jessie seemed to step back, scrutinising me as I started trembling.

She was in my arms right now and I never wanted her anywhere else. I wanted her here forever and for that, I had to risk it now and tell her the truth.

I sucked in a deep breath, then kind of blurted it out.

"I'm a werewolf. The legends are true. I'm a werewolf."

Jessie watched me. She blinked once, then turned around and walked away.

_Could I hold you for a lifetime_  
_Could I look into your eyes_  
_Could I have this night, to share this night together_  
_Could I hold you close beside me_  
_Could I hold you for all time_  
_Could I, could I have this kiss forever_

**AN: Cliffy much. Please don't hurt me oO ~ducks and hides~ **

**To business.**

**I need your help.**

**If anyone has any songs you'd like to see up here for Collin's side of things, like songs about falling in love or being in love, PLEASE send the artist and song title to me in a review or PM. I have all of Jessie's songs organised (in my master chapter plan which I re-found) but I'm literally struggling to find songs to suit Collin's mood. **

**Thankyou :D**

**Today's been hectic enough and I've been getting this chapter done bit by bit, which is why it's kind of broken up a bit haha :P A word of wisdom – never trust chocolate cookies. I bought a ****few (er. Eight) from a school fair thing today and in my next class I was collapsed on the floor, rolling around and giggling. Louis kept saying "banana" and "giggle giggle" and for some reason it struck me as hilarious XD Then they tried to take away my cookies. I screamed. Loudly. Oo**

**Apparently. I don't remember much of it XD**

**Anyways, thankyou to all reviewers as per usual :D You guys keep me writing! You have no idea how proud it makes me to see triple digits :) Thanks to the reviewers of the last chapter – **Izzy, Indie, Kyliez **(keep an eye out for a song of yours :P), **ImDaMnShOrTaNdPrOuD, sunkissedchris **and** Ally145**.**

To "**Jules**": You read my mind XD I've got an idea in my head for Brady, but it's a little undefined and I don't think I'll start anything till I finish this first :P

**Thankyou Lily :) I think you know why. I wonder if it's technically bribery. But oh well XD**

**I don't know when you'll hear from me. Me, Indie and Izzy (along with a couple others) have got a big project coming up (that I am, er, supposed to be doing right now) so that will keep me occupied for the next week or two. But I'll work on this for long and I won't keep you hanging for too long, promise :D**

**Love always,**

**Lena xo (and just this week, a bonus xo)**


	19. Chapter XVIII: Wrong Assumptions?

**AN: If you haven't heard this song, listen to it while you read this chapter. That's an order. It's just awesome and beautiful and amazing.**

**www(dot)youtube(dot)com(slash)watch?v=cEZ7j4PF11E**

Chapter XVIII

_I don't know what this is  
But I can tell it's something that I can't miss  
It's like your showing me where happiness lives  
And all I have the strength to do is turn to you  
With every empty space  
I'm missing pieces only you can replace  
I'm like a package saying please don't break  
The contents are fragile  
So I'm glad you're here to stay_

→ Unbroken, Stan Walker

"_JESSIE!"_

_Everything was red._

_Collin threw his arms and head back as blood poured from gaping wounds in his torso..._

"_NO!" I screamed, running to him, trying to close the wounds myself, trying to stop the flow of blood. It was all over my hands. Collin gasped, blood dripping from the corner of his lips as his wide eyes looked past me. He opened his mouth in a silent scream._

_Ice-cold black hands closed over my wrists, dragging me back. I screamed, fighting, flailing, and felt it punch me in the stomach. I bent over, doubled, as everything when black, then light_.

I ran straight to the toilet bowl as the acid clawed its way back up my throat. I retched, the contents of my stomach emptying into the toilet as my gut clenched. When it was finally over, I tried to scramble up and wash my face and mouth out, but I kept slipping.

All I could see was the blood, the image of Collin trying to scream burned on the back of my eyelids.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up to my feet and over to the basin. Tears ran down my face and I choked as gentle hands smoothed back my hair, wet my face and helped me brush my teeth. At the end of it I shuddered violently, leaning all my weight against Brady. He held me up.

Neither of us said anything.

XxX

"I'm going to the grocery store. Are you coming?"

"Are you crazy?" I spat, staring at Brady. One of his hands was on the doorknob, the other held his car keys.

"No. I'm going grocery store. I'm hungry. Are you coming?" he repeated calmly. I could smell the burn of alcohol from here.

"No, I'm not," I mumbled, curling up in a ball on the couch. I couldn't go out there. Every signpost, every tree, was a reminder somehow of him and I didn't want that, or need it.

"Ok. I'll see you in an hour." Brady walked out the door.

I heard it whispering first.

"_Jessie, where have you been..._" a dry, rasping voice, then a chuckle.

"_I've missed you so much Jessie..._" Ice-cold fingers brushed against the skin of my face. I shrieked, jumping back, arms flailing in the air as I tried to fend it off – the darkness that was slowly enshrouding the house. From the darkest corners it slowly grew.

Tears streamed down my face as I ran through the darkness – I hit something and fell, so I crawled – to the one source of light, the front door.

Just before I reached it it snapped open and Brady scooped me up in his arms, tears in his eyes as he held me tight to him. I cried and I slowly heard the voices and the darkness fading.

"I'm crazy," I murmured, closing my eyes as the heat from Brady enveloped me.

"No more than me," he whispered back, and I laughed, then choked it back – it sounded strange, like I wasn't used to hearing or making that sound any more.

"No more than you," I agreed. He slowly, hesitantly released me, taking my hand, keeping the physical bond between us. I entwined my fingers with his as we walked out the door, and he kept me protectively under his arm as we went shopping.

I didn't want to face the stares of the reservation residents – the stares I knew would come if I embarked outside. I couldn't handle it, not in this condition.

I didn't have to tell Brady this, though. He kept driving past the reservation border and onto the main road to Forks. He re-took my hand as we walked into the small 7/11.

I kept quiet when Brady lugged a few cartons of alcohol on top of the fruit and vegetables in the trolley. As we went to the checkout, the cashier gave us both weird looks, then pasted on a toothpaste-commerical-worthy smile.

"Hello how are you," she droned in a flat voice.

"Alive," Brady snapped. "We're in a hurry so keep up, please."

The girl's eyes widened, but she nodded and bagged our stuff. Brady scowled and threw a last glare at her over his shoulder before starting to push the trolley away. I stayed back to get the receipt.

The girl looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "You might want to keep a tighter rein on that boyfriend of yours."

"W-What?" I stuttered. "He's not my boyfriend."

"O-oh, sorry, I just assumed..." said the checkout girl.

"You shouldn't," I snapped. I practically snatched my receipt off of her, giving her a glare as I went to join Brady, linking my arm through his as he pushed the trolley.

"I heard that," he muttered, throwing glances at the people around us. "Don't take it to heart. They believe whatever the gossip tells them."

"I know," I sighed. Brady wrapped an arm around me and I relaxed into him before I realised what he was doing. I froze and he felt me tense.

"Sorry," he said quickly, taking his arm away from me and continuing to push the trolley.

"Brady, I-I know, it's just, not now. Not when they're watching." I was always shy but I felt the self-conciousness of what this probably looked like to people.

Brady opened his mouth and seemed to choke on his words, before he swallowed and nodded.

"I'm going to protect you," he promised. "From everything."

I felt cold without the contact... almost as if I was drifting.

"Brady?" I called, starting to panic when I heard whispers.

"Shhh," murmured a deep, familiar voice.

"Collin, I-" I tried to speak through my sobs.

"Listen." Was all that his voice said.

"_Jessica!_" It was Brady.

When I opened my eyes, I was on the cold tiles of the shopping centre. A small 'crowd' – so for Forks, about a dozen people – were around me, including Brady, who was anxiously wringing his hands. As the lights in my line of sight flickered he pressed a hot palm to my face.

"Jessie," he breathed, and I reached up to hug him, though still concious of the stares of the others.

"Don't let go," I begged as he helped me up. His hand remained in mine as we walked to the upturned trolley.

"I will never," he vowed solemnly. I knew we looked stupid as we kept our hands linked, each packing up all our things in the trolley with only one hand. I didn't ask how it had crashed and Brady didn't explain what happened.

We ignored the looks from the rest of the Forks residents as we walked out of the shopping centre.

XxX

He had only been staying with me for five days when I saw him.

He disappeared and I wondered the house, trying to find him. The voices weren't there, but in the corner of my eye I could see darkness. I heard a coughing noise, echoing, and slowly opened the laundry door just a crack, pressing my eye to the gap.

He was slumped on the floor. Empty bottles lay on the floor, a few full ones were next to his hands. I watched as he tipped his head back, draining a bottle in what seemed to be one swallow. He was like a machine, automatically reaching for the next bottle and draining it, dropping the bottle and reaching for the next one.

After a while, he collected the last of the glass bottles, taking them out to the trash. He came back and hid the full bottles in a cupboard in the laundry, and through the crack of the door I could see many more full bottles stored in that cupboard.

I quickly left, curling up in the foetal position on the couch and turning on the world cup. I could hear Brady's foosteps as he came to me. They sounded steady.

"I have patrol in a little while. Kaylie's coming over. Will you be ok?"

I nodded, eyes still on the television as it looked like a yellow-and-gold team was going to mob the umpires for a red card or other.

He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "Soccer's a pom's sport."

"Bye, Collin," I said, eyes still trained on the TV.

It was only a few minutes after he'd left that I realised what I'd called him.

And that he hadn't protested, either.

_You picked up my pieces and put me together  
There's no way you'd ever know  
That my heart was breaking, cause you came and threw me a line  
I was falling apart but now I'm falling forever  
For someone that won't let go  
My love's a token_

_Because of you I'm unbroken  
Now every piece of my heart is falling back into place _

**AN: It's kinda short, I know. I go through these phases where I either wanna really really write Collin's side of things, or I really really wanna write Jessie's side of things. I'm in a Collin mood at the moment.**

**This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful ~coughcough~ dirty minds that are Izzy and Indie... let's just say, Brady would be proud.**

**Wish me luck... got a state debate coming up and an inter-state science competition coming up in this week. I should be working on both right now, but ya know. I love you guys too much :P  
123 reviews. I didn't think I'd ever get triple digits XD Thankyou everyone including: **Kyliez (keep an eye out for the next chapter... :D), Fairielover93, genies9, -BeeVee-THEEAmazing, Lily CullenSalvatore, runs with myths, Juliana loves to write. **Did I miss anyone? Yell at me if I did D:**

**I'm getting a lot of requests for a Brady story so I'll just let you know: I LOVEEE Brady and I have some ideas for him. I promise there WILL be an imprint story for him (er. Eventually) I just have to finish telling Here Without You first.**

**Reply to **Peggy**:**

**Thankyou soooooo much :) I feel special now :D I am sincerely sorry for holding up your studying... well. I never really liked geography anyway XD Thankyou though, your review that day was the bright spot in the crumminess of it (is that a word oO)**

**I'm getting a lot of anonymous reviews, so I just wanted to ask – people without fanfiction accounts, how do you keep up with chapter updates from your favourite stories? Oo**

**Don't forget to mention any Collin songs you think would suit :D Thanks to those who did!**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

Don't forget to check out _My Elemental _by Jerri-Zanchev-XD (he keeps changing his name..! Almost as bad as Val) and a big thankyou to Lily, who already did :)


	20. Chapter XIX: State of Confusion

**AN: _Everything _is broken except ffn. Myspace, facebook, msn, even windows media player -.- and to top off the list of my awful day, Taylor Lautner has a girlfriend again.**

**Oh well, at least she's Australian. I'd like to think we're being represented.**

Chapter XIX

_What if I said I loved you?_

_Would you be the one to run to_

_Or would you watch me walk away without a fight?_

→ What If, Ashley Tisdale

XxX

_"I'm a werewolf. The legends are true. I'm a werewolf."_

_Jessie watched me. She blinked once, then turned around and walked away._

I felt my mouth open and close a few times. In that moment, I felt strangely detached. Like I didn't know what was going on.

Then, all of a sudden, I rushed back onto earth and all of my emotions slammed into me like a front-end loader.

"Jessie!" I called after her. "Jessie! JESSIE!"

But she kept going, one foot in front of the other, each time a step further away from me. It took my mind a little while to process this. Everything seemed like it was going in slow motion.

"JESSIE!"

She started to run.

I hesitated, then sprinted after her, still calling her name.

When I finally reached her, I put a hand on her shoulder. "Jessie, _stop_-"

She turned around, and there were tears running down her face.

The sight of it made my whole world collapse around my ears.

Her lip trembled, her eyes were red and wide, long lashes brushing against her cheek as she looked down, then up at me again. A small part of my mind registered that she looked beautiful, even now.

"Jessie," I breathed.

I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. My mind was turning and I felt nauseous. This was _wrong_. There should _never_ be tears on those face.

"Why..." I had the daunting feeling that I was asking a stupid question. "Why are you crying?"

She blinked rapidly, angrily brushing the tears away with her hands.

Her lips parted then, forming just three words. The three that I never wanted to hear.

"_Don't touch me._"

I jumped back, wincing, as if she had burnt me. No. No no no no no. No. My head was spinning and I couldn't breathe. It was like the pain of defying an alpha command, times a million. It was a burning in my blood and weakening my limbs. What was happening?

"Jessie..." I choked out, strangling on my own words.

"Don't, just _don't_," she hissed, two perfect fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. "I-I can't hear this. I've been waiting for this and I c- I don't want to stay. _Please_. Just leave me alone."

"Ok," I whispered, without thinking. She turned around and I didn't miss her sob. She kept walking, away from me.

I'd hear my orders from her. Leave her alone. I didn't know why she wanted that or what I had done to deserve it, but I had messed up somehow.

For the first time since my phasing, I wished I wasn't a werewolf.

Being a werewolf was what stuffed it up.

If I wasn't a werewolf, she would love me still.

I felt my heart-rate pick up and I felt my breathing increase. Without thinking, I dropped to my knees, pounding head in my hands.

"W-what..." What the _hell_ is going _on_?

I felt her moving away from me, her scent was gently fading from my range.

I could hear her sobbing outright now.

It was her sobs that did it. I let out an inhuman growl and then I was on all-fours, a wolf. Without thinking about it, I gave a loud howl.

I heard her gasp, then her speed picked up as she ran back to the house.

She was running away from _me_. I was scaring her.

Whining, I hesitated, then started to trace her scent, staying in the shadows as I watched her.

And then I heard the voices.

―_What's going on?_

―_Hey Collin! _

―_Sam, scent of one on the east border-_

―_Oh shit. That's not good._

―_Kim's making lasagne tonight._

―_Damn, last episode of-_

I mentally screamed at the words inside my head. _―SHUTTUP!_

It only made them louder.

―_Collin? Is that you?_

―_Wha- oh._

―_She just _walked away? _Without giving a reason?_

―_You've got to talk to her-_

―_Dude, t__hat's intense._

―_Chase her! Don't let her get away!_

―_I'm sure if you just showed her-_

I groaned, phasing back. The sudden silence in my mind... was deafening. I was hunched up on the ground, naked, in the shadows of the trees out of Jessie's sight. Her bags were at her feet and she was on her mobile, crying. I heard her mumble the words, "Anna" and "_him_".

I retreated back into the dark, running on foot now. My clothes had been ripped to shreds from when I'd phased suddenly.

I didn't want to hear what she had to say about me.

But most importantly of all, I was too much of a coward to stay there and hear her cry.

Each step I took, I felt my heart ripping through my chest, and I couldn't help but give a bitter laugh.

_So, this is what it feels like to imprint. And to think, I was ever jealous of the guys who had imprinted. _

I stopped when I reached the beach, taking my wolf form and curling up on the ground.

The voices in my head were strangely preferable to the voices.

When I phased back, I knew they could feel my pain too. It was the pack link. They tried to ignore me, though. All of them except Brady.

―_I'm guessing it didn't go well._

―_Shuttup. Just _shut. Up. _Your sense of humour is the last thing I need right now._

―_You want some company?_ He asked, unfazed.

―_This isn't something you can exactly help me with_, I snapped. _―I-just- leave me alone._

―_Hmm. Did she say it was because she thought you were crazy, or because she's allergic to dogs? _mused Brady.

―_I SAID SHUTTUP!_

He was quiet, but I could still hear him thinking. He was trying to think of ways to cheer me up.

―_Nice try_, I sneered, _―But I don't think you can help in this case._

―_Hey, don't go all pre-man-stru-al on me just because your girlfriend-_

I let out another howl. I didn't even know if she was my girlfriend anymore... was she? We had a- I guess you could call it a fight.

Everything was so _confusing_.

I couldn't stand being this far away from her. As a wolf, I went back through the forest, laying down again on the forest ground some metres from Jessie – far enough for me to just make out her image amongst the trees. She was sitting by her bags, head down.

I felt the familiar gut-ripping sensation as I saw her without a smile on her face.

I'd do anything for that girl, to make her smile. Take the pain and take it myself. It would hurt less that way. But when you don't know what to do... what the hell happens then? I'd had no real experience with girls before – being a wolf since the age of thirteen kinda shifted my priorities around – but even if I had, I doubted I could compare it to this.

―_Brady... what the hell do I do..._

―_Ah, so he comes crawling back to the ultimate womaniser,_ smirked Brady. I growled.

―_Yeah, yeah, just answer the question._

―_Well, Collin, you- I don't know._

He wasn't being sarcastic. He just didn't know. Like me.

I heard a distant howl, and knew it was Brady's, and I felt his sadness. I was his pack brother – he was hurting right along with me.

I phased out in the one gesture I could make to stop _someone_ around here from hurting.

After some minutes, it started to rain. My first instinct was to go to Jessie and make her go inside so that she wouldn't get cold and wouldn't end up getting ill.

It was hard to override that instinct.

I moved forward, in my weaker human form, watching her. She just sat next to her bags and as the rain strengthened, pouring down around her form. Her only movement to protect herself from the cold was to rummage through her bags, retrieving a hoodie and pulling it on with the hood up. I found myself instinctively wondering if the material was thick enough to keep her warm.

Then, I heard the low rumble of a car engine. Gradual at first, then it grew louder and louder as finally headlights broke around the corner, a small silver Ford that I hadn't seen before pulling into the driveway.

Jessie stood up and even over the rain I could hear her crying. It was Anna who stepped out of the car, the engine still running, and Jessie ran straight into her arms. Anna murmured something, and Jessie nodded, finally pulling herself from her best friend's hug and climbing, soaking wet, into the car. Anna grabbed her bags, throwing them into the back, then got into the driver's seat and drove away.

Without thinking, I was a wolf again. I was ready to track her car when Jessie's words repeated themselves in my head.

_Just leave me alone_.

Imprint bond. My wish is her command. She no longer wanted to see me – if that was what she wanted, I could make it happen.

_When I say that I want you_

_You know that I mean it_

_And in my hour of weakness_

_There's still time to try_

XxX

**AN: Writing this chapter was a nightmare. I have three different versions open, all started and then stopped. I like this one best though. I _think_ I did a good job. :)**

**It's so, so so hard to write a sad Collin... I think this chapter is my least favourite. Not just for the emotional level, but it was just so weird writing Collin sad... what do you guys think? One of the reasons I kept re-writing it was because it was much, much too short and I was going to change my 'schedule' until today...**

**The one bright thing in my day - I got ninety bucks worth of books for only twenty XD And I'm back to school, which cuts off writing time somewhat severely. Don't worry, this has been the longest break. There won't be one like this again. The "emergency" has depleted somewhat, but we're still being careful. It looks like this term will be busy – speech competitions, debate, training, homework. And, myself, Jerri and Louis are writing whatever random BS comes into our heads XD Plus, I've got a novella for english coming up soon. I've been writing fanfiction for so long I'm going to have to steer myself on track :D**

**This chapter is dedicated to **LilyCullenSalvatore **&** **for reviews; **Kyliez **for the song of this chapter (I dunno if this is what you intended it for, but I hope it works); **Izzy **and **Indie **as always, and **peggy cook **for her random but awesome emails :D**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

**PS: I know I was gonna update this weirdly, but don't worry, it's up. Thankyou to everyone for being so patient!**


	21. Chapter XX: Scents in Solace

**AN: IMPORTANT!**

**MAKE SURE you have read the chapter before this. That was my previous hiatus message, and has now been replaced with a chapter. Read that BEFORE you read this chapter!**

**XxX**

**Have you read it? Good. I apologise for the awful cliffy, but I promise it will get better :P**

**This chapter has again a special mention to **Kyliez**, who again recommended the song which this chapter is set to. More than that, this song inspired me to keep writing :D It was haunting me for a few days, before I got this chapter. And I am begging you, listen to this song while you read the chapter! Here is the link to my favourite 'version':**

**www(dot)youtube(dot)com(slash)watch?v=s-5l_Xh3Mwg**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter XX

_I walk barefoot where the water drowns the sand_

_With you no longer here to hold my hand_

_I let go_

_I let go_

→ Calm Under the Waves, Maria Mena

We were seated on the lounge, my head on Brady's shoulder, when he suddenly jumped back, teeth bared and nostrils flared.

"What is it?" I asked, moving towards him. He was using scent, which meant something unfamiliar was nearby. I was surprised when he jumped back from me, his nose wrinkling delicately.

"I—I can smell blood. I think it's you."

My first thought was to scan my arms, but I could see no cuts. And then I realised.

"Oh. Hang on." I went in and checked. My period was a little later than usual but I hadn't really been taking notice over the last while.

After I changed and went back to Brady, everything was fine until night time.

Already changed I crawled under the covers, but Brady hesitated.

"What is it?" I asked. He guestured to me.

"It's—er, your, er, womanly functions. I think I'd best sleep on the couch tonight."

"Ok," I said in a small voice. He nodded then left, turning out the light.

"Night."

I stayed frozen in my position. I couldn't... I couldn't move. If I moved, they might hear me.

After a few hours, I heard something moving in the room and I held my breath, worried it could hear my heart.

Stop, stop, stop! I wanted to shout to my pulse. Shut up!

Instead, the lights flicked on and I squinted into the sudden brightness. Brady stood, wearing a sheepish grin and carrying a chair.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up. I can't sleep. Is it ok if I wait with you? I'll go back to the lounge when... when I'm more tired."

I nodded, relieved. He set up the chair next to me and switched off the lights. I saw his form move through the dark, and felt his hand slip underneath the covers to grasp mine comfortingly.

"Thankyou," I whispered. I fell asleep that night wrapped in a light sheet and a comfortable warmth, with me holding his hand close to myself like it was a teddy bear. I could hear Brady's even breathing. After awhile, his steady breathes dissipated into soft snores, although he was still upright in his chair.

As it was every night, I had to focus on his breathing. And fight off the memory of when I used to listen to someone else's breathing for my lullaby. Eventually, I succumbed to the fatigue. Everything was fine.

Until I closed my eyes.

When I opened my eyes again, the room was empty.

"Brady?" I called. "Brady!"

It was still dark. I flung open the curtain to the bedroom. The sky was grey, tinged with a golden orange to the east. Dawn was coming.

"Brady!" I called, moving to the next room.

A tanned, shirtless male was slumped face-down on the floor.

I gaped. "Brady, get up-" I rolled him over, then shrieked and jumped back.

Collin was crying tears of blood.

With shaking limbs, he crawled up from the floor. He extended his hand and I took it, and he pulled me into his arms. I sighed at the warmth, but winced when I felt something cold hit my cheek. With a thumb, Collin wiped the red teardrop from my face.

"Poor Jessie. I don't want you to suffer. Stop suffering. Please."

"I can't," I whispered, my arms tightening around his waist. "Not until you come back."

"And if I never do?"

"NO!" I yelled. "Don't SAY that! You must NEVER say that!"

I was sobbing, crying freely, but Collin pulled me in even closer and I felt his soft lips, kissing my face until my tears were gone.

"What about Brady?" asked Collin softly.

"He misses you," I whispered. "Almost as much as I do."

"I know," he murmured, his lips on my hair.

I heard a high-pitched, keening screech. I covered my ears, squeezing my eyes shut until it stopped. Collin's breath caught.

"It's coming. It's coming, now."

"Not again," I whispered, starting to cry again.

The walls of the house collapsed outward, leaving Collin holding me in the middle of a familiar part of the La Push forest.

Only some metres away was Brady.

At first I thought he was staring at us. But then, I realised he was staring _past_ us.

I turned to see a beautiful, tall model-like woman. She had long wavy blonde hair, lightly tanned skin and a perfect figure. As she walked around us, I realised that Brady's mouth was open. He was not taking his eyes off of her.

"Oh my- Collin, I think he's imprinted."

Collin's arms only tightened around me.

As the strange girl reached Brady, she turned to me – and winked.

Her eyes glowed a familiar red.

My breath caught. "No. Collin. That's _it_. It's a disguise- Brady-!"

I turned and Collin was gone.

I turned back, a chill from the wind biting into my bones. She – it – had morphed into the monster and was coming towards me.

"Brady!" I screamed, trying to move my feet but they were anchored to the ground. "Brady! BRADY!" I caught one glimpse of his face. He was gazing adoringly at it, still transfixed. He didn't move.

I screamed again, screaming for Collin, then Brady, but before the monster could touch me-

I woke up.

Sweat-soaked, frazzled and confused as to why Collin was not next to me.

As my breathing and heart-rate slowed to a normal pace, I remembered why he wasn't.

I pushed the sheets off of myself, careful this time as I stepped through the doorway. There was no one face down on the ground, but the television was on and Brady was snoring loudly on the couch, remote still in his hand.

I had to smile at that sight. Without waking him, I tugged the remote out of his hand. He mumbled something but didn't move. I switched the TV off and went for a shower.

I came back with my hair down, going straight through to the bedroom. I dressed, wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and some sandals.

At the cupboard full of clothes, I hesitated, my fingers resting on the handle of one of the drawers. I took a deep breath. I hadn't touched this in almost four months.

I opened the top right-hand drawer and touched the contents within.

I had to hold back a sob when my hand touched the soft material.

I pulled out the white hoodie on top and hesitated, holding my breath.

I took a small gulp of air in.

The scent of Collin, so familiar, hit me.

I immediately shut the drawer, as if in some desperate gesture to contain the air particles of Collin's scent in the drawer.

Then I clutched the jacket and cried, the grief wrapping itself around me and crushing me inwards. Every time I breathed in, it made me cry more. I could smell him, so close to me, I could pretend the hoodie I held was him, but it wasn't. Finally, I stifled my sobs and wiped my tears from my cheeks, and listened, but Brady snored on.

Breathing slowly and trying to calm myself, I pulled the hoodie over my head. It was oversized for me but it was also warm, and I pulled the hood over my head and tied the drawstrings tightly.

As I tip-toed past Brady, I hesitated, then reached over and took his wallet and put it in my pocket. I felt a strange need to go for a walk – I don't know why. All I knew was that I wanted some fresh, clean air. Most mornings now I woke up from a vicious nightmare that usually left me sick. Today had been an exception.

When I opened the front door, I paused. I hadn't stepped over this threshold alone for... so long. I looked out – my dream had been right in one respect, the sky was a strange mix of grey, light blue, dark blue, orange and yellow – only the colours dawn could bring. For once, the sky was clear, although a cold breeze was still present as I stepped outside.

I had a small smile as my feet crunched on the gravel as I walked. I was walking west, I didn't know where to, but I walked and walked and walked. Each step put a little bit more of something like a smile on my face.

XxX

Within a few minutes I had reached the local (well, only) 7/11. The sky was now a bright blue, and I had no idea how long I was out. The wind still bit into my cheeks, but the blood was rushing through my veins and I felt warm, although I still wouldn't take the jumper off.

As I stepped into the small convenience store, a scent hit me like a steam roller.

_Strawberries_. Collin loves those, I thought, while my feet took me straight through the little stands to the fruit and vegetable section. Strawberries in little plastic containers were proudly displayed, and I took three of them, holding them in my arms.

And I needed one more thing.

I went to the small, two-metre long hygiene stall, with things like toothbrushes, toothpastes and soaps – up on the top left-hand corner were the deodorant cans. From a memory, I saw Collin easily reach up and pick the orange can from the shelf, dropping it into our basket. I reached up now on my toes and had to stretch up to reach the orange aerosol can. I sprayed a tiny bit on my wrist, testing it. It was the one he used.

"Perfect," I whispered.

I tried to ignore the look that cashier gave me. Her expression showed surprise more than anything. This was La Push – no doubt everyone knew about the...the passing away of him, and of his fiancé who'd gone crazy.

I started to tear up as I thought the word_ fiancé_. We were supposed to be married.

I'd forgotten that.

I held a hand to my mouth, trying to stifle my tears, but when the cashier handed me my bag I croaked, "Thankyou" and had fled from the store before she could get out, "Have a crap day," or whatever it was they said.

On the road again, I calmed down. There were no cars and as I passed the odd house along the road, no one was moving within. I slowed my pace. No one could see me.

I kept walking west. I wasn't sure where I was going, but when I caught the scent of salt, I turned left from the road and started cutting through the forest to the beach. When I exhaled I could see a little cloud of mist in front of my face, like smoke. I shoved my hands deep into the hoodie's pockets, the shopping bag swinging from my arm.  
It was so quiet here. All I could hear were a few birds and the branches of the trees swaying as the wind weaved through them.

Soon I was at the beach, and I didn't hesitate, pulling my sandals off and dropping my shopping bag next to my shoes. I took a container of strawberries out before I walking down to the surf, squealing a little as the cold sand hit my feet. When I reached the water the surf lapped at my ankles and I leaned down. I held onto the strawberries tightly as the water washed over them, before jumping back onto the dry sand. I scowled when I realised that drops of the seawater had hit the hoodie. When I went back to the sand, I sat down, burying my wet feet into the sand, and slowly eating each of the juicy strawberries, with just a hint of salt. The sun was nearly visible over the treetops behind me, the rays warming me, and on the horizon in front of my view there were a hint of grey clouds at the line where the ocean met the sky. Above the clouds hung the small white crescent of the moon.

I watched the water washing up on the beach, noting the patterns the water left behind on the sand.

After I'd finished the strawberries, I resolved to buy a plant of these. He had said once that La Push was too cold to make strawberries grow, but I wanted to try.

I took the hoodie off, carefully folding it and placing it on top of the plastic bag so that it wouldn't get too much sand on it. I tucked my hair beneath the collar of my shirt. And then, I started walking along the beach.

On the wet sand, the waves came up, sometimes touch my feet, sometimes just out of reach.

Without thinking about the cold, or the fact that I could catch a cold, I turned and started walking straight into the ocean.

The water soaked into my jeans, then into my shirt as I walked deeper and deeper into the water. I checked, but there were no one on else on the beach – it was too cold. My teeth started to chatter slightly, but more from the wind around my head rather than the water, which was actually warm.

I let my feet drift up from the ocean's floor, floating on my back. I was careful but the waves were gentle, not breaking anywhere near my face, leaving me to drift in peace.

I closed my eyes, and listened to the sound of the waves breaking on the sand. There were no shadows here.

_With your voice in my head_

_I could float here instead_

_But there's a calm under the waves_

_So I choose to sink_

_I'm tired now, I'll see you when I wake up_

_I've heard it's pretty where you are_

_I let go_

_I let go..._

**AN: THANKYOU everyone for not complaining about the hiatus thing. But the 'situation'~ahem~ has been resolved, so it's onwards from this point. Of course it depends on homework, extra curricular stuff, work, blah blah blah.**

**Hello to: **Izzy **& **Indie, **two of the bestest people ever :D **peggy cook **again for your last 'review' :P **Kyliez **again for the song – I cannot thank you enough! And last but not least, hello new reader **CaliforniaSurferBabe101 **~waves~ Thankyou for your last review! The final touch of inspiration to these chapters.**

**Thankyou to everyone who has been reading this story! ...I honestly think I would've given up on this story if it hadn't been for you guys oO GAH chapter 20 already? It feels so weird, writing a sad Collin and a, well, this is the happiest we've seen Jessie.**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

**PS: I wanna run one idea by you. I don't know if I'll ever do it, but I what do you think - I was wondering if I should write this a sister story, which incorporates Jessie's POV before Collin's death, and Brady's POV after he died. And alternate the chapters like I've done in this story. If I did do it it I probably wouldn't do it for awhile, if that makes sense. Interesting insight or pushing the plot too far - what do you think? Drop me a line :)**

**PPS: And no. Despite the overwhelming requests I don't think I can bring Collin back to life. I want to, but it's not that simple, I guess. :( I'm an author but I have no power over what happens, I just document the events. Although I have grown somewhat attached to Collin.**


	22. Chapter XXI: If You Ever See Her

Chapter XI

**AN: Ok remember everyone, there was a double update last time.**

**Chapter XVII Risking Forever: Collin told her what he was in the last few sentences. She turned around and walked away.**

**Chapter XIX State of Confusion: Jessie told Collin to leave her alone, sat in the rain and was eventually picked up by Anna while Collin remained confused.**

**Everyone up to date? Ok, read on!**

**By the way, this chapter has the biggest dedication EVER to Jamieeeeee. We love you babe xx You, your metro hair and your awesome saxamaphone :P**

_Now my baby's really gone_

_I don't know if she's coming home_

_My love's up, I messed up_

_I know_

_Tell me what to do to get her back_

_Back where her heart belongs_

_She's been gone from me too long_

→ So Cold, Chris Brown

The first time I knocked on the door, Jessie slammed it in my face. That one precious second, in the time it took for her to recognise me, was embedded in my mind. In the days to come I would savour that memory, the one glimpse I'd had of her face-to-face, like a blind man seeing a mirage in the desert.

After that, it was Christie who answered the door... and Christie who slammed it. By the twenty-fifth time the Russian was holding a kitchen knife threateningly at my crotch. I was trying to figure out what I loved more – my manhood or Jessie – when the door was slammed in my face again.

At that point, I realised I wasn't getting anywhere.

The first morning was the hardest. It was raining, typical of Washington, but instead of being safely in the car with the radiator (me) next to her, she was huddled and shivering under a bus stop. I was phased and hiding in the forest opposite the road. At one point I think I got too close to the edge of the forest – I was stepping forward without even thinking about it – because Jessie started squinting in my direction. She started rummaging through her bag, probably looking for her glasses, and even though it was overcast I withdrew into the forest before she could double check.

Every step away from her was like a punch in the gut.

I'd left a million messages on her phone. I only stopped when Anna picked up and offered me a restraining order. I wasn't sure what the border was between devoted boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) and creepy stalker.

In wolf form, I waited outside her window, just watching. From what I could tell she never spoke. Christie was in her room a lot, and Anna's silver car was parked outside the front of the house 24/7, and I heard crying.

It broke my heart. Was it over me? Or the fact that she'd wasted 365 days of her life with me?

And it wasn't just that I couldn't comfort her, that I couldn't pull her into my arms and protect her.

There was the very likely possibility that it was my fault.

That _I_ was making her cry.

That was the worst part. I'd thought fourteen days without her was bad.

Twenty-four hours with her hurting over me was hell.

In my mind, I heard Seth whimper.

–_Dude, please phase out,_ he whispered. –_You're killing me here_.

I snarled. –_It was alright for you, you told her and she just accepted it perfectly. Everything's fine in Seth's perfect world with his crazy imprint._

The normally reserved Seth growled at the indirect jab at his imprint.

–_Sorry_, I said shortly. –_Kay's not crazy. I'm just getting there_.

–_It's fine_, he murmured, although he phased out soon afterwards.

I felt the tug to Jessie get stronger, as if every cell in my body was screaming to at least _see_ her. I turned back to the house, but all the lights were out. It must have been... midnight? I whined and lay down on the forest floor, resting my head on my paws.

This was going to be one long night.

XxX

I didn't even bother showing up to work. Brady backed me up, telling them that I was sick.

Lovesick, he'd snorted as he'd left the house that morning.

I didn't even care.

The link to Jessie – to the centre of my universe – was strengthening by each hour. An instinct was demanding that I see her again, a voice in my head more powerful than any alpha's.

_Get to her._

_Find her._

_Talk to her._

_Kiss her._

_Take her._

Make _her listen_.

The last point was the most confusing. I wasn't even sure why she'd gone. Did she think I was crazy? Maybe I was. I could turn into a mythical creature, eat other mythical creatures, and my form of attachment to this earth no longer wanted me. Wasn't that my biggest fear? Her running away screaming? She hadn't run away, exactly. She hadn't been screaming either.

In some ways, it would've been better if she had.

She deserves someone else, really. Someone who doesn't have fluffy problems. Someone who doesn't spend their spare time saving the human races from leeches etcetera etcetera. Just someone who could love her and compliment her and complete her.

That's what a soul mate is _supposed_ to do. Imprinting's rare so I don't have any examples of soul mates that didn't work out. Maybe sometimes they get it wrong, and the imprint bond doesn't work both ways. Maybe she was just dating me, then I'd come out with that, and she'd gotten sick of me and used it as an excuse to chuck me.

I was getting only slightly paranoid now. I once would've said confidently that Jessie would never do that, but now my perception of the world was slightly twisted. I saw her face everywhere I looked, everything reminded me of her. The guys tried to cheer me up, but it just wasn't the same.

I missed her. And it hurt like mad.

XxX

I don't think Brady realised the desperation of the situation until he walked in on me staring at the microwave. There were tears in my eyes.

"What?" he asked shrewdly.

I sniffed. "Jessie's touched that microwave."

I proceeded to reverently touch the microwave's keypad before bursting into tears.

To my surprise, Brady laughed out loud.

"Dude, where's my camera?" he chortled, ruffling my hair. "When you guys are married I could so display this at the reception. Collin Myers without Jessie for three days. Epic. It'll be in my best man speech." He paused. "I am going to be your best man, right? 'cos Seth said-"

I took in a deep breath and roared, "AT THIS RATE I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THERE'S GOING TO BE A FLIPPING WEDDING!" and stormed out of the house.

I stood fuming in the driveway, not sure where to go. Brady's constant jibes and reassurances that we would joke about this afterwards was starting to break me. On the unlikelihood that everything _did_ end up ok, I would _never_ joke about this. Or even want to remember it.

At that moment, I felt the familiar tug of pain in my chest. The temptation to go to Jessie was getting harder to resist each day.

I heard her voice in my head.

_Just leave me alone_.

"If she really didn't want you to see her, you wouldn't keep feeling the instinct to."

My head snapped around to face him, but I kept a glare on Brady, still ticked off at him.

"What are you on about?"

"The wolf's first instinct is to obey whatever the imprint wants. If you keep feeling the instinct to go to her, it's because she wants you there."

"You're wrong," I snapped. "The first instinct of the wolf is to _protect_ the imprint. Her wants are second. I can't protect her from here, which is why I need to get to her. Now."

"Whatever," said Brady, waving me off. "But being near her won't be enough. You'll want to hold her, and if her _desires_ come through onto your instinct, you'll want to pin her to a tree and-"

He was smirking, but something in me cracked then.

"What is WITH you?" I roared. "EVERYTHING has to be a _fucking_ joke. You can't take _anything_ seriously and you're an insensitive arse who insists on laughing at everyone's problems."

Instead of snapping back, Brady just frowned, all traces of a smile gone.  
"Look," he said quietly, "It's my way of dealing with things. When shit happens, Sam orders people around, Emily cooks, Leah snaps at anything that moves, and I joke about it. Stop being such an idiot. You haven't even spoken to her."

"She wouldn't listen to me."

"You wouldn't know, would you?" said Brady, heading back into the house. "You haven't spoken to her."

I fumed. "What do you think I've been trying to do for the last three days?"

Brady shrugged. "I dunno. Get blocked off by her god-mother and BFF. Talk to her face-to-face. So she can't avoid you or hide behind anyone else."

XxX

It took me a couple days to actually act on his words. I still think that the only real reason I listened to Brady was because I was desperate. I needed to at least con myself into thinking that I was doing something that might lead to me seeing Jessie. Instead of, as Brady put it, 'moping around stalker-ishly outside her bedroom window'. By the time I'd reached her house, I'd convinced myself that climbing into her bedroom window wouldn't at all be weird.

Again, with hindsight, I can see that I was getting desperate.

The memory of this week was never been like the other ones. When I see my memories before I met Jessie, they're all sort of blurred and faded, like I wasn't really awake at the time. When Jessie entered my life, I lived every single moment to the full. Every emotion and every second was preserved in my mind.

But these days were different. They hurt so much – not a headache, like the last time I spent away from Jessie – but like there was a million metal chains yanking on my body and soul, and I was trying desperately to fight them off, even though I didn't want to fight at all.

This memory in particular I always have to view from a third-person point of view. If I dwell within the memory it hurts too much. Not just because of these last few days, but because everything that happened in the next twenty-four hours would forever change my perception of Jessie and what we had had over the past year.

When I reached her place, I had a bit of luck. No silver car was in the driveway, and according to my timing Christie would be at work. I phased out, pulled on my jeans and shirt – not wearing shoes wouldn't be too weird. Hopefully.

I knocked on the door.

She wouldn't be weirded out, would she, me visiting her while she was alone in the house? I used to do it before, but then again, I used to _talk_ to her before.

I heard the footsteps, but as soon as I heard the heartbeat I knew it wasn't her.

Wrong tempo.

The door opened and the short brunette blinked once, then glared at me.

"_You_," Anna hissed. "You have a lot of nerve, showing up here."

"Who is it?" called out a weak, broken voice from within the house. Somewhere upstairs. A part of me savoured the sound of her voice, the other part of me allowed the panic alarms to set off in my head. Jessie sounded ill. Was she ok? What was happening?

"Uh, it's just a sales guy! I'll take care of it, Jess. You get back to sleep."  
"Ok," was the weak reply.

Anna stepped out onto the porch, and then closed the door quietly.

"Why does she need sleep in the middle of the day? Is she not getting enough sleep?" I blurted out. I had to know if she was ok.  
"Yes, she's fine," muttered Anna, crossing her arms. "Just a little tired is all. She stays up awake most nights, just crying her frigging heart out."

"What?" I yelled.

"Shhh," hissed Anna, pressing a finger to her lips. "Keep it down."

"She... she's crying?" I'd imagined her mad at me. Thinking about me. Even laughing at me and my hilarious 'I'm a werewolf' insistence.

Crying _over_ me was different though.

"Yeah," said Anna coldly. "She's crying over you. I don't know what you did, but whatever it was, you better have an explanation fast."  
"I-" I stuttered. "I-I don't know exactly what I did-"

Anna just looked up at me. She was maybe a head or two shorter than me, but at that moment her glare was more intimidating than anything I'd ever seen.

Her words crushed me.

"If you saw how much you've hurt her, you would never look into her eyes again."

And I did snap. I plonked down on the porch, my back to the wall of the house, buried my head in my hands and sobbed.

She was hurting directly because of me. She was losing sleep over me and there were tears running down her cheeks, right now, because of _me_. I felt the air being crushed from my lungs.

I had failed to protect her.

"Collin," said Anna, gently nudging me in the arm. "Collin..."

"Sorry," I murmured, trying to wipe away my tears. "Not very manly of me, breaking down like this, is it?" I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hands.

"Look," said Anna, her ferocity a little less present this time. "What... what exactly happened on that night?"

"She hasn't told you?" I was surprised. I'd thought she'd told Christie and Anna, and they'd come to the conclusion that I was crazy, and had then engaged in keeping me, the psycho one, away from Jessie.

"No," said Anna quietly. "She just cries. She cries when she's awake, she cries herself to sleep. And she won't take off that damn shirt, either."

"Shirt?" I repeated dazedly.

"Yes, the white one that's a few sizes too big for her," replied Anna again.

It just made me break down again.

That was my shirt. The one I'd given to her just a few minutes before...

Her words reverberated around my skull like an incantation.

_Just leave me alone._

_Just leave me alone._

_Just leave me alone._

"It doesn't matter what happened," I muttered bitterly. "All I know is that sh-she wants me to just leave her alone. I should do that. But I'm not strong enough."

"Strong enough?" repeated Anna dubiously. She sighed, then slid down the wall, sitting next to me. "Look, Collin, whatever you did that night, whatever she did, whatever happened... It's just, argh. How to I explain this?" Anna sighed exasperatedly. "Jessie's a fragile case, alright?"

"Fragile," I repeated. "Of course. I won't let anyone hurt her."

Anna groaned and rolled her eyes. "No, look, just listen to me! She was a basket case before you came along. She'd get into depressive moods, missing her family all the time. Before you came along, I was her only friend."  
"...what?" I was confused, trying to figure out if there was enough room in my head to take in this information and worry about Jessie at the same time. "No. That's not right. What about those other girls..."  
"All off on the other side of the country in colleges. They weren't ever really Jessie's friends. They were _my_ friends. She always too shy, too quiet. Then you wandered into her life and she was smiling all the time and it's like she forgot to be depressed about life."

"She was depressed?" I said in horror. I tried to imagine Jessie without that small smile on her face, but it seemed wrong and unnatural.

Anna frowned slightly. "Didn't you know? Guess she never mentioned it to you."

I shook my head. "I..."

"Plus," said Anna, "Her confidence with guys is lower than most. She never believes it when anyone tells her she's beautiful."

"But she is," I blurted out automatically.

Anna snorted. "You think I haven't tried telling her that? Look," she sighed, running her hands through her hair. "When I first saw you in that restaurant, there was something about you that I couldn't pin. It was the way you looked at her. It wasn't teenage hormones. It was... I wish someone would look at _me_ like that."

"I love her," I said softly.

She gave me a half-smile. "Yeah. I know that. And she loves you too."

"I have to talk to her," I said, standing up and preparing to demolish the house in my attempt to get to her.

"No! Not yet," said Anna. "She'll probably have a nervous breakdown. She freaks out whenever anyone mentions your name. This is a delicate situation. The other day she burst into tears because apparently the microwave in her kitchen looks like the one in yours or something."

"I have to talk to her," I pleaded. Anna had given me hope. Meagre, delicate, fragile hope.

Anna shrugged. "Look, I'll pass a message on indirectly. What do you want to say?"

"Tell her..." I hesitated. "Tell her I love her. And I miss her more than life itself," I added softly.  
"Poetic," commented Anna as we both stood up. "Let me talk to her first," added the brunette as she waited, hand on the golden door handle. "I've got to leave this afternoon, can you at least hold out until tomorrow?"

"Ok," my mouth said.

My brain said, tonight.

"By the way," added Anna as I started walking away from the house. "Why aren't you wearing any shoes?"

I looked down at my bare feet.

"I, uh, had other things on my mind?"

"Whatever," shrugged Anna. "I was born an LA girl. I've seen weirder."

"Uh, thanks," I commented as the girl that all my hopes were pinned onto went back into the house.

There was nothing to do but wait.

_If you ever see her_

_If you ever meet her_

_If you ever get the chance_

_To sit down and talk to her_

_Let her know it's so cold_

_It's so cold, it's so cold_

_Here without her_

**AN: It's one in the morning. I've been up since six. Indie isn't online. I can't guarantee any accuracy for typos, etc. within this chapter.  
Anyone here read Tamora Pierce? I walked into an op shop, walked out with a copy of Trickster's Choice for one buck, checked it when I got home...**

**...and it's frigging SIGNED. Is that awesome or what?**

**And to top off the awesomeness of my day, I got Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex. Finally. If there's any Artemis fans out there, what do you think of Artemis/Holly? Just curious :)**

**I'm supposed to be a) sleeping or b) studying for a maths test right now. But this is so much funner :P Thankyou to all reviewers: **Peggy cook, Izzy, Indie, wolfie96, sunkissedchris, ally145, runs with myths, KyleeSethsimprint, genies9, nana213 **and **Lily **of course :) Particular apologies to Kyliez and ksrules43 cos I didn't reply to your reviews :( Damn you real life for getting in the way. :)**

**But yes. Meanwhile, I spend my spare time making martial arts powerpoints and learning "the acorn song" in Japanese. **

**I need a new hobby.**

**By the way people, if you're bored check out **Imprinting Is Like Getting Punched in the Face **by **mousemaker2. **I'm re-reading it, it's hilarious XD and the first fic I ever read when I came onto this site.**

**And then I became addicted.**

**But anyways.**

**Night all**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

**PS: Ok. I'll probably stay up just a little while to see if anyone reviews. Please do :) :P I will... hm. ~Thinks of bribe~ give out blueberry pie? No. I'll send out chapter previews. Mwahaha.**


	23. Chapter XXII: Vexation's Grip

Chapter XXII

_On my knees I'll ask_

_Last chance for one last dance_

_'Cos with you I'd withstand_

_All of hell to hold your hand_

_I'd give it all_

_I'd give for us_

_Give anything but I won't give up_

→ Far Away, Nickelback

_We were sitting on the couch one day after school. Me sitting up, him lying down on the lounge with his head on my lap. I was running my hands through Collin's hair, and his eyes were half-closed. _

_On the coffee table in front of us were to half-empty glasses of banana milkshake._

I jolted up with a start, shutting my mouth.

I could taste the banana milkshake.

Quietly, so as not to wake Brady next to me, I crept out of bed and opened the curtains. The soft light hit the grey clouds on the horizon.

I stretched my arms, shaking my head a little. Was that a dream or a memory? Lately I had been confusing both of those with real life.

The lines had become a little blurry lately.

XxX

"I dunno. It's like a routine for her. She wakes up, she has a shower, she goes for a walk and comes back after an hour or so with a fresh batch of strawberries. And she smells like the beach."

There was silence as Brady listened to the other end.

"I talked to the guy at the grocery store. He says she's there every morning, about five or so minutes after he opens up the store."

He couldn't see me, of course. I think it was Emily he was talking to, although it might have been Kaylie. I was sitting against the kitchen bench while he was on the other side, fingers drumming impatiently on the bench-top's surface.

I felt like a little kid listening to my mother on the phone while the principal told her I'd been suspended. It had never happened, of course. There was the one time the maths teacher called Christie to tell her that I hadn't handed in a maths assignment. I hadn't exactly been a rule-breaker in my time.

My time. I sound so old. I kept forgetting sometimes that I was only... how old was I?

I let out a loud shriek, the tears rolling down my face.

Legs shaking, I stood up. Brady's mouth fell open as he dropped the phone.

"Jessie? Jessie, what is it?"

"What's the date?" I asked, choking as I tried to swallow.

"It's... I don't know, I think-"

"BRADY!" I screamed. "Tell me!"

His fingers scrambled to his mobile, picking it up and flicking it open.

"It's the 21st of September, wh-"

His eyes widen as he realises it at the same time as I do.

He swears. "Jess-"

"I'm twenty. Oh my God. I'm twenty years old. And I have been for... five days." My legs give way as I say it out loud.

"Jessie," Brady breathes, sitting down next to me on the kitchen floor. "Jessie..."

My head fell into my hands. "Twenty. Twenty. _Twenty_." I repeat it like a mantra.

Finally I blurt, "I'm old."

Brady chuckles. "Well," he says quietly, "Are we going to celebrate?"

I stood up. "There's nothing to celebrate," I snapped.

Brady's face crumbled. "Jessie..." he pulled at my wrist, but I snapped it back, blinking furiously to fight back the tears.

"I'm twenty years old. I was nearly seventeen when I met him. That's less than three years. It's not enough. It wasn't enough." I pushed aside Brady, heading to the front door. I couldn't breathe. This house had been my haven for the longest time, but now I felt constricted. Something was pushing on my lungs and I couldn't breathe.

"I-I need some air." I pushed the door open and stumbled out.

I turned back. Brady was closing the door. He looked sad.

I hesitated.

"Wait here," he said, retreating into the flat. Only a moment later he came back, one hand in his jeans pocket, the other extended to me.

I took it wordlessly.

After a little while I realised that we were actually headed somewhere – Brady was following the road, straight into the middle of town.

"Grocery store," he said to my questioning looks. "Then... do you want to go to one of the pack's places?"

"Uhm, ok," I said, unsure. They were constantly around but I rarely went to see them.

At the store I pushed a trolley around while Brady consulted a very wrinkled and worn piece of paper. He kept muttering to himself and as he put the familiar ingredients into the trolley, I realised what he was doing.

"A banana milkshake," I said softly. "Do... do you know how?"

He shrugged lightly, scrunching the list up and giving it to me. I put it into my pocket without looking at it. My neurotic break-downs might be acceptable when it was just Brady around, but in public was a different story. Seeing Collin's handwriting...

I winced.

I glared at the checkout lady from habit now. In truth, I glared at them all, except the nice old man who ran the 7/11 at La Push, who now had three strawberry punnets neatly on the counter so that I wouldn't have to search from them.

"Brady," I said as we walked the long road to the nearest of the pack's – Rachel's.

"Jessie," he replied, one hand linked to mine, the other swinging a plastic bag back and forth.

"...you haven't been dating since... since April, have you?"

Brady snorted, then burst out laughing. "Dating? Between stopping you jumping off of cliffs and limiting my alcohol intake, dating is the last thing on my mind right now."

I bit my lip. "You should get out there though. Your imprint... she's walking the earth right now."

A muscle in his jaw tightened visibly. His grip on my hand grew slightly tighter.

"Yeah, I know," he said quietly. Then he grinned and moved his arm to wrap it around me instead. I automatically leaned into the warmth that he provided.

"But I've got my hands full looking after this girl," he said with a wink. "That's enough, for now."

Overhead thunder boomed and a light drizzle started. Nothing new in La Push.

A thought came to me. Whispered in a familiar dark voice that had been haunting my dreams but had not spoken for awhile.

_If he imprints, you won't matter to him anymore._

The voice was gone.

For once I was straining to hear what it said.

I shivered and Brady chuckled, tightening his arm around me a little.

My free hand was clenched into a fist now, my nails biting into the skin of my palm, leaving red crescent marks there.

He... he would be happy if he imprinted. She could help him.

At the same time I felt selfish.  
I didn't want him to leave me.

Brady was mine.

We turned off the road as we headed down the long gravel driveway to Paul and Rachel's. He squeezed me, knocking the breath out of me, and chuckled as I gasped for air.

"Thanks," I muttered, poking him in the stomach and almost breaking my finger in the process.

He laughed again, before looking sceptically towards the house. As we got closer I picked up Jared and Kim's voices.

"If there's any inappropriate behaviour, cut it out," called Brady loudly as we entered the place. When I'd first come to La Push I'd thought it strange that everyone seemed so comfortable in eachother's houses, without even knocking. After awhile I realised they were like one big extended family. The wolves were brothers and the imprints were sisters. All of the kids grew up using the term "uncle" on the other wolves.

I was honoured to be a part of that family.

Three kids threw themselves at Brady. Two were Paul and Rachel's, the other Kim and Jared's boy. He was one of the few wolves who wasn't called 'uncle', suggested by Collin that it was because applying that grown-up term to someone who was less mature than them was pointless.

My giggle died on my lips. Collin had said that.

The eldest girl, Sarah – named after her maternal grandmother – was the first to turn to me and give me a big hug. I'd baby-sat her before – she was a sweet kid.

"Jessssieeee," she said, drawing out my name. She giggled as I hugged her back.

"Hey gorgeous," I smiled, pinching her cheeks. She laughed, running, yelling "Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, Jessie!"

Her parents – Rachel and Paul – were in the next room, with Kim and Jared, who were on the lounge, watching the television.

"Emily's around here somewhere," said Rachel as she placed a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies on the table next to an already huge pile. "Help yourself."

"Don't mind if I do," said Brady, eyes glinting as he reached around me.

Rachel slapped his hand. "I was talking to Jessie," she said with a wink, then saw something in the corner of her eye. "No- _no_, don't touch that sweetie, it's sharp!" and bustled off to save one-year-old BJ in his latest adventure.

Brady scooped up a handful of cookies and shoved them unceremoniously into his mouth.

"Good," he said (well, I think that's what he said, it was kind of hard to tell). Crumbs spilled out of his mouth as he chomped.

"Mmm?" he offered a half-eaten cookie.

"Er, I'm good," I said, picking up a fresh one from the plate Rachel had just put down.

I bit down into it and nearly moaned. It was that good. I was proud to say I had some cooking ability but I always felt shadowed when I was compared to these culinary geniuses.

Kim and Rachel sat down and eventually Brady drifted off, muttering something about beating Paul in a soccer match. As the girls spoke, I absentmindedly chewed on cookie after cookie, until there was two left.

As I reached for them, two small hands belonging to a certain five-year-old reached up and over the plate, taking them.

I frowned slightly, then saw the grinning face of the perpetrator pop up over the table.

"Aunty Jessie, can I has these ones?"

"Uh... I'll make you a deal, ok? I get one and you have one."

The corners of Sarah's mouth turned down.

"B-but I hasn't had any yet-"

"Still," I said, my frown growing more prominent. "It's only fair, Sarah. Now, give me one."

With a rebellious expression, she put her hands – and the cookies – behind her back.

"Sarah," I seethed, "Pass one here now."

"NO!" she shouted.

I stood up, pushing my chair backwards and barely registering the crash.

"GIVE ME A FUCKING COOKIE NOW, YOU LITTLE BITCH!"

I stood there glaring at her for a few moments, my chest heaving, before I clapped my hand over my mouth. Did I just..? No...

"Sarah-"

Her eyes were wide with horror, her little mouth dropped open. She promptly burst into tears, the fat droplets rolling down her cheeks as she ran from the room.

I stared, in shock, at the two broken cookies on the ground that she had left behind in her wake.

"I..."

"What the _hell_ did you just say to my daughter?" snapped Rachel, standing up. She glared at me, her hands trembling in a way that idly reminded me of a werewolf about to phase.

"Rachel-"

"Not now, Kim. Jessie, I want you to repeat what you just said to my daughter, but this time, _say it to my face_."

My face hardened.

"She wouldn't give me the fucking cookie. Was it that hard? Maybe you should've taught her some manners."

Something in Rachel snapped. She laughed humorlessly. "Maybe you shouldn't have sat there guzzling the whole lot, you greedy-."

_SLAP_.

I pulled my stinging hand back, horrified. Rachel's head was turned, the red imprint of my hand clear on my face.

Kim threw me a horrified look before running straight to Rachel, who was completely still.

"Rachel, Rachel, are you-"

I heard a roar and it felt like an earthquake as a huge 6-foot muscled werewolf ran into the room. Paul's eyes were ablaze as he scanned the room. His eyes landed on Rachel, who still hadn't moved. He ran straight to her, his hands gentle as he caressed the skin on her cheek. He murmured in her ear, and she shook her head.

Paul's eye twitched as he turned to me. His hand was clenched in a fist, the veins popping out of the skin of his neck. He stormed towards me and I struggled to move back, hitting a wall.

"You did _not_ just-"

I shut my eyes, but unexpectedly heard a territorial growl. I opened my eyes to see Brady, at least a head taller than Paul, glaring up at him. His arms were thrown out and his body was protectively in front of me.

"I _dare _you," Brady growled.

Paul let out a roar, moving straight to me. I and someone else screamed, and as if in slow motion I saw Brady move forward, catch Paul around the waist and throw him into the cabinet. There was the sound of glass smashing and another high-pitched scream. Rachel rushed forward to help her husband up from the glass, but his glare was fixated on me.

My eyes were wide and my hands were on my chest. I could feel my heart beating at a thousand miles per hour. I read the message in his eyes.

_You hurt my imprint._

_You will die._

Then Brady was in front of me, obscuring my view.

"Stop it, Paul," I heard Jared grunting. I peered around Brady, then ducked my head back – I'd only seen a few seconds of Paul straining against Jared's grip, Paul's eyes wide and mad.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" snapped Brady.

"She slapped me," said a quiet voice. Rachel.

There was silence, then Brady turned to me. His mouth was dropped open. Behind I could see that they were all staring at me – Kim, Jared, Rachel – even Paul had stopped struggling, his gaze switching between an adoring, worrying glance at Rachel and a malicious glare at me.

"Jessie," said Brady softly, "Did you?"

"I-" the words stumbled out of my mouth. Brady had turned to face me now, and it looked like he was standing with them, as one of _them._  
I did the only thing I knew how.

I ran.

I could feel the emptiness opening up inside of me, threatening to consume me as I ran blindly.

My first thought was, he once looked at me like that. He once protected me like that.

My second was... what the hell did I just do?

_I love you_

_I have loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming_

_You'll be with me, and you'll never go_

_Stop breathing If I don't see you anymore_

XxX

_Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all_

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_

_And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without_

_I just need you now_

→ Need You Now, Lady Antebellum

She... she what?

The words were barely running through my head.

Jessie... sweet, innocent Jessie who would never harm a fly, had slapped Rachel.

My first instinct was to run after her.

Instead, I turned and saw that Rachel had collapsed into the nearest chair.

"I don't know..." she was murmuring. "She was yelling at Sarah... I stood up and yelled at her... called her greedy...and then she slapped me..."

Kim was shaking her head, talking in a soft voice to Jared. "Never would've expected her to..."

Paul was standing over Rachel. Her head was tipped back, resting on his chest and his arms were around her. He was nodding every now and again, but his gaze was fixed on the wall opposite, as if he glared at it long enough, it would start smoking and burn a hole through the plaster.

"I-I'll talk to her," I finally spoke up. "I'll see...help her... I'll bring her back and-"

Paul looked at me. Finally he said, "She's not your imprint, Brady. No matter how much you want her to be."

I growled, not replying, before running off into the forest. I phased quickly, blocking off the thoughts of the younger wolves as I started tracking her scent through the forest, which seemed to go everywhere in a completely random pattern.

It started raining.

I let out a howl.

_Shit, no!_ The scent was washing away... I strained my senses but as the downpour increased I couldn't sense anything.

Fuck!

With a gutteral growl, I headed back near the town. At the outskirts I phased back, changing into my cargo shorts. The locals were just about used to us walking around shirt- and shoe-less.

I smelt the burn of the alcohol as I approached the bar.

Inside my vision was hazy as I peered through the veil of smoke. Soft altern rock played over a scratchy radio, nearly drowned out by the pitter-patter (ie large crashing) sound made by the rain on the tin roof.

"Brady," nodded the bartender.

"Usual," I muttered, dumping the cash on the deck. He scooped it up and replaced it swiftly with a small shot glass. I flipped my head back, taking it.

The next few hours were hazy.

Sometime at midnight, I stumbled back into the forest, the world swimming. I groaned, then ducked, putting my head between my knees.

"I'm never going drinking again."

I did some more stumbling, muttering incoherent words, when a bucket of water was thrown onto my head.

"What the-" The cold shock hit me like a slap in the face.

I opened my blurry eyes to see the grey-and-black wolf retreating into the trees. He was barking madly, a bucket on the ground.

"CHASE!" I roared, stripping off and phasing. In my mind, I heard him laughing.

–Wait till I get to you, you little–

–Bosses orders_,_ he smirked. He might be a noob wolf but he had an PMS level that matched Leah's.

–Oi, she snapped. –They tracked your little girlfriend back to the apartment. She's going nuts in there and smashing shit and is screaming at everybody who comes too close

–Fuck you_, _I spat, pissed off. –She's not my girlfriend, she's Collin's, remember?

–I'm not the one who's having trouble remembering, she huffed.

That was the second time today someone had implied that...

–Maybe they're trying to tell you something, laughed Chase.

–I'm going to eat you for breakfast tomorrow, I promised as I reached the apartment and phased out.

I was hesitant when I heard nothing. The rain was still pouring down, and the world stands still now but my head is throbbing, like some evil little demon was banging pots and pans away in there.

Then, over the downpour, I heard it.

_Smash_.

The sound of glass breaking.

Without thinking, I ran straight to the nearest window. I pulled back a fist and smashed it into the pane, glass going everywhere. I shoved my body through the window, ignoring the small burns as the glass cut into my body.

She was in the lounge room, curled up at the foot of the sofa. Her head was in her arms.

Her hands were bloody.  
She was surrounded by smashed everything... glass, metal, picture frames, ornaments, ceramics... the coffee table was upturned and the TV screen was broken by millions of little fissures in the screen.

She looked up at me, her tear-stained face a mess. Her hair was wild, her lips trembling.

She was perfect.

I saw her just like Collin used to.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes finally straying over the ruins of the room. "I-"

I crossed the room quickly, scooping her up in my arms.

And softly pressed a kiss to her lips.

_Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door_

_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

**AN: … I have the feeling I'm going to regret putting in that last sentence. Again with the whole it-wrote-itself thing, but it seriously did oO That was not planned.**

**I APOLOGISE OVER AND OVER AGAIN for this seriously slow update... Thankyou to everyone who reviewed. Hello new readers **MrSCall97 **and a particular thankyou to the review from **stephanie is amazzzing – **you got my butt into gear :)**

**Stuff's happening at the moment and everything is messed up... so either two things will happen, you will either get another chapter in the next two days, or you will have to wait... the way things are going, it's the next two days thing... thankyou everyone for being so supportive :) and not giving up on me, or this story :D**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

**PS: Brady's part was longer than intended... think of it as part of my apology :)**

**PPS: Er... chapter previews... I gave the preview out for the wrong chapter ;) but it's coming up next so don't worry :D**

**PPPS: ...Thankyou to **Kyliez **for both these songs :D The next few chapters will have double theme songs... so many songs, so few chapters**

**PPPPS: ALL CREDIT FOR THE WOLF CHASE GOES TO INDIE!**

**P(times something) S: PLEASE check out the poll on my profile. It's so you can give your honest opinion to the sister story of HWY - would it be over-using the plot, or a brilliant insight into their minds? Click yes or no according to how you honestly think :)**


	24. Chapter XXIII: Whole Once Again

**AN: This one's for you, **HunterofArtemis1136**... thankyou for getting my butt into gear.**

**Chapter XXIII**

_I want you, and I feel you  
Crawling underneath my skin  
__Like a hunger, like a burning  
__To find the place I've never been  
__Now I'm broken, and I'm faded  
__I'm half the man I thought I would be  
_→ What's Left Of Me, Nick Lachey

When you're fighting with your imprint... well. You feel nauseous. The thought that it will never be patched up and that she would just hate me forever and ever...

It was enough to make me hurl.

Sometimes I think the only reason I never did was because of the jokes Brady would crack if he knew.

Brady was really the only thing that kept me together. He was the optimist of the group, insisting that everything would be ok. He stopped cracking jokes at my expense and started with everyone else – Sam, Leah, Jacob, Nessie, Emily, anyone. If my mood was really bad, he would go to his final resort – attempting to sing.

Needless to say, I was laughing at him, not with him.

I didn't hear from Anna and I started to worry. More then I already could. She was ok, but miserable.

It had been two days since I had spoken to Anna when I got a text from an unknown number.

_I did what I could. Sorry._

I sat there, staring at my phone in shock.

That was it?

That was it.

My last hope was gone.

I felt a fury rip through me. My wolf – the fuel of my animal instincts - was taking control of me without my permission.  
I sat back and let it.

My hands were shaking violently as I tied my pair of cargo shorts to my ankle. As soon as the knot was tied, I was on all fours and running through the forest. I was following my instinct – to listen to the bond, to _follow_ it, and for a moment I felt at peace.

I might have been going delusional, but I swore I could hear someone...her... crying.

It only made me run faster.

After about an hour – surely I'd just bet Leah's current record for speed – I was outside her house.

I phased back to human, pulling my shorts on. Slowly, I walked towards her open bedroom window, my anger fading with each step.

I didn't hesitate, I just climbed up onto the window sill.

Jessie was sitting on her bed, facing me. She was dressed in black leggings, a red singlet and a white robe.

She was crying.

Her hair was tied messily in a bun on her head, some locks of hair free and drifting haphazardly over her face.

Her eyes were wide and circled with purple, tear-streaks running down her face.

She stared at me, as if she couldn't believe I was there.

Wordlessly, I held out a hand to her.

Without hesitating she stood up and walked over to me, placing her hand in mine.

I helped her out of her window and as soon as we were out, she let go of my hand and stepped back. I felt the pain wash over me at the distance and whimpered.

She was shaking but somehow I didn't think it was from the cold. She pulled her robe more tightly around her.

"Jessie," I whispered, taking a step forward. She started sobbing then, and she jumped straight into my arms. I held her tightly and securely, her legs hooked around my waist and her arms around my neck. Her head was buried in the crook of my neck and I felt the moisture there from her tears. I just sighed, my arms tightening around her. This was where she belonged.

"Away from here," she managed to whisper. "Christie..." I started walking out into the forest, still holding her.

After a few minutes of walking her tears hadn't subsided yet and I was starting to worry.

"Here," she finally whispered. We were in a small dirt clearing in the forest. The ground was slightly wet from the rain and in the middle was a log. I sat down and she stayed curled up in my lap, pressed firmly against me. I wasn't going to make her move, not in a million years.

I rested my forehead against hers, looking into her eyes.

"Why did you run?" I asked softly.

"I-" she tried to duck her head, but I placed my hand under her chin, pushing her eyes back up to face me. She was turning red and she started stammering.

"I-I-you don't... wh-"

"Shhh," I murmured, pressing my lips to her forehead. "Slowly."

"I thought... it's not true. I-it _can't _be."

"Do you want me to show you?"

She fell out of my lap, landing sprawled on the ground. I moved up to help her but she scrambled back, her face scared as she looked up at me.

"Jessie..." I breathed. I didn't want to leave her. I had it planned out then and there – I could retire, now, and she would never have to put up with it. I felt my stomach lurch at the thought of never being just _human_. I would do anything for her, but could I give up the power to protect her?

"Collin," she whispered, tears tumbling down her face. I winced.

"Y-y-it can't...no. That's crazy talk-"

"I'm not crazy." I leaned down next to her, slowly taking a lock of her hair and pushing it behind her ear.

"Do you trust me?" I asked, looking at her dead in the eyes.

"I-Collin-"

"Do you trust me?"

As she blinked more tears fell free. I used my thumb to wipe them away.

"Please, Jessie. Please, trust me." I was begging now. I needed her so much but this wasn't going to work if I couldn't win her over entirely.

The next words that tumbled out of her mouth felt like a dagger slid in between my ribs.

"I can't..."

I pulled back.

"Ok," I said. "I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'll take you back now."

She struggled to her feet, I stood back, not allowing myself to go near her. She stood there, wet and muddy and looking miserable.

I blurted it out.

"Why _can't_ you trust me?"

My fists were starting to shake me. Had I ever given her a reason to doubt me? What had I done wrong, what more could I do to show her that I love her? I needed a genuine reason. Maybe then I could live in some kind of platonic misery rather than this confusing silent _mess_. I could take an argument but she wasn't saying anything at all.

It was ripping me apart.

I moved forward quickly, grabbing her by the shoulders.

And I kissed her.

I'd never kissed her like this before. It was desperate – and she replied in the same. After a few minutes it was getting a little too hot, so I moved back.

"For goodness sake, Jessie, when have I ever let you down? Is it that hard to trust me? I love you and I'd trust you with my life."

"Collin, d-don't make this any w-worse th-than-"

"Five minutes. Let me show you. If I'm not telling the truth you can walk away and never talk to me again."

I was bargaining with fate here... everything hung in the balance.

"I don't want to never talk to you again."

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead to hers.

"Please."

She took in a deep breath. "Ok."

I broke out into a relieved smile. "Wait here."

Before I walked off, I hesitated and turned back.

"Don't... don't be scared. I won't hurt you. Please don't run."

Her eyes were wide as she watched me. "Ok."

I walked back to her and pressed another kiss to her forehead, this time hugging her as well.

"I love you," I mumbled. She looked up at me, eyes bright.

"Wait here," I said again. This time I left, stripping and phasing.

As a wolf I could hear the voices running through my head, that went quiet as soon as they saw my thoughts. I defiantly pushed them out. I had to focus on her, and only her.

I crept forward quietly, whining as I broke into her field of vision.

Her loud gasp broke the silence.

I was trying to imagine what she was seeing – a huge wolf nearly her height, black all over except for a white belly, legs and snout.

Her breathing was loud and burdened as she gasped. Her hands went over her chest and I realised she was whispering to herself.

"Collin?" she finally asked in a strangled voice. I whined and lowered myself to the ground, ears down, head on my paws. I slowly moved forward.

"Oh... wow. Woah," she breathed. "No way... no way..."

As I edged forward, she flinched and stepped back. I halted, taking a few steps back until I retreated into the shadows of the forest. There I phased back, tugging on my cargo shorts before I went back out into the moonlight.

She jumped when I emerged into her view, then relaxed.

As I headed towards her, she hesitated, then took a step forward, wrapping her arms around my neck.

She was so cold, I frowned and wrapped my arms around her nimble frame. As she shivered she leaned in more and I closed my eyes, savouring the moment and the taste of her on the air.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Nothing to be sorry for," I automatically said.

"I just... I-I'm sorry," she murmured again, burying her face into my neck. I could feel the heat from her cheeks on my skin.

This time, I waited.

"I'm so scared, Collin," she finally breathed. "I thought you were trying to push me away, a-and let me down easy. Wolves. Impossible," she whispered, more to herself than to me. Her voice was muffled but I could feel her lips moving against the skin of my neck, and the vibrations from her throat. "Impossible. So I thought you were trying to-" she pushed her face deeper into my neck. "To dump me."

I jumped back from her grip, feeling the shock waves that ran over me.

All I could do was stare at her blankly.

She was breathing slowly now, her gaze on her fingers, which were constantly intertwining and moving over her palms.

"Dump you," I repeated out loud, then flinched. The idea was absurd.

Impossible.

Never, ever, _ever_ going to happen.

She had to believe that.

I would _make_ her believe that.

I moved forward fast, taking her face in my hands and pulling her close to me.

"Listen to me," I said firmly, but gently. "I am _never_ going to leave you. You will either walk away yourself, or-" I bit back the words that had nearly spilled out, including our marriage and how we would train Brady to knit clothes for our grandchildren.

"But I'm not going to let you walk away," I corrected myself, "So you might as well get used to me."

As the rain started to pour on us, and as the tears tumbled down her face, I pressed my lips against hers.

"That was you," she murmured, tucked against me.

"The wolf was me," I confirmed, pressing my lips against her forehead.

She hesitated. "Do... are... are you still in control? When-when you're like that?"

I nodded against her. "I have complete control, as if I were human. Everything you heard in the legends, that night at the bonfire, is the truth."

"And... it's just you? Who else is... that?" She seemed unsure to even say the word 'wolf'.

"Jake, Sam, Paul, Seth-"

She blinked. "I thought the legends only said that the packs were two or three wolves."

"We're kind of a... uh, special group. We have a lot of exceptions to the legends. Jake's girlfriend is a half vamp- it's a long story," I added when she opened her mouth. "But, pretty much if they're male and you've seen them at Emily's, they're a wolf. Except Leah, she's a wolf too."

"Everyone? Even Brady?"

"Yeah. There's this other thing," I added, trying to figure out how to say it without her screaming and running for the hills. "It's called imprinting."

_Falling faster  
__Barely breathing  
Give me something to believe in  
__Tell me it's not all in my head_

**AN: I have had this up since before I ran off to Japan and I couldn't take it past here. It was so hard to explain to Jessie what the wolves were and stuff in a way that was different to other fics. Cos that's what I've been trying to do with this fic since I started it, makin it different, you know? And then RL and exams barged in and I could go on forever with the excuses, but hopefully you guys understand.**

**So, I'm leaving it to you. Do you guys really wanna hear about how he explains imprinting, or do you not mind just a fade-to-black kinda scene? I think I know sorta how he's gonna explain it to her but again it's up to you... writer's block has sapped my energy :P**

**Thankyou to everyone who's reviewed, favourited, alerted and read this thing. I've been on this site for nearly one year now – I'm kinda phasing off of fanfiction at the moment – but whatever happens this story has to get finished. Not just cos you guys have been waiting so patiently but also cos I owe it to Collin and Jessie to finish their story.**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

**PS: Oh, and cheers to the ever-awesome **Kyliez **for **Patience **by the same artist. I didn't have enough room to use it but it's a song I am absolutely in love with. I thank you for about a quarter of the music in my library that I never would've found without you.**

**Oh, and if you haven't already, checkout the poll on my profile. **Izzy-Rose **if you do what you did last time, I will be removing that option permanently, from the poll and from the story. :) xo**


	25. Chapter XXIV: Seeing Collin

**AN: Double update. Which technically scores me less reviews, but you know, whatever. (Lol I have a system). It's 16 minutes into the fourth day of 2011 and I really should be asleep but I owe you guys after making you wait so long last time.**

**And in case anyone's forgotten-**

**...ahem. Like I did-**

**Jessie yelled at Rachel's kid, then she slapped Rachel, then she had (yet another) breakdown and then Brady kissed her.**

**Let's see what happens next.**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

Chapter XXIV

_I'm here again_

_A thousand miles away from you_

_A broken mess_

_Just scattered pieces of who I am_

→ Pieces, Red

"Jessie."

"Mmm?" I shifted under the sheets. Brady sat on a chair next to me, an orange juice carton in his hand. The sun had set four hours ago and I was already half-way asleep.

"I want you to come with me when I visit Collin tomorrow."

I froze under the sheets.

"Jessie." His voice was gentle and patient.

Just like he had been this whole time, for me.

"I need to think about it," I whispered.

"Ok," murmured Brady in a soft voice. He moved forward and kissed me on the forehead. "Try and get some sleep, I'll be back from patrol in about five hours. Night."

"Night."

He hesitated at the door, tossing the empty carton up and down in his hand. "Just... just think about it."

It was the first time I hadn't given him a flat out no. Every week he went to "see Collin". Every night he did, I'd see it in my nightmares. I was restless as I heard him leave the house, but eventually my eyelids dropped and everything was black.

_I was laughing and walking hand in hand with Collin. Suddenly, a wolf howled in the distance._

"_Brady." Collin kissed the back of my hand and reluctantly let it go. _

"I have to go and see. I'll be back soon._"_

_The last words._

_His hand gently brushed my cheek and his lips brushed my forehead._

_He was gone._

_As I wandered I somehow found myself out of the green forest and on La Push beach. The ocean was dark but calm, reflecting the grey clouds above. _

_Out of the corner of my eye, on the cliffs, I saw a figure moving. A wolf? As I squinted, I realised it was Collin, prowling restlessly._

"_Collin!" I shouted, climbing up the path of the cliffs. I slipped several times before getting to the top._

"_Collin-" instead of my favourite wolf, all that was present was a cruel grey block of granite._

_His name was carved on it._

"_No." I was whispering, getting louder and louder until I was screaming. "NO!" I was scrambling down the rocky path, falling and scraping my palms and still always running._

_I could hear another noise. A wolf's howl._

"_Brady." Soon I was screaming his name instead, running blindly, trying to find him. Tears were streaming down my face._

_He's in the forest, I realised. I turned, trying to get off of the beach and into the trees._

_From the shadows a darkness lunged at me._

_I screamed and fell back. It lunged again, the face-less, shape-less monster as I screamed and screamed until I couldn't scream anymore._

_Again I was running back up the cliff path over the dirt and lose stones._

_It made no noise as it followed me._

_As I reached the top, I hid behind his gravestone. Only a few feet from me lay the edge of the cliff and the crashing waves on the rocks below._

_It no longer called to me._

_I shut my eyes. All I could hear was the howling of Brady and all I could feel was the hard stone at my back. I could sense the darkness slowly coming closer..._

I sat up, wrapped in the sheets and blankets and covered in a cold sweat. I waited, breathing slowly, as my heartrate went back to normal and the fear subdued.

It never disappeared, only quietened.

I checked the time. Brady wasn't due back for another hour or so. As I wandered through the house towards the kitchen, I noticed a cardboard box shoved behind the television set. As I dragged the heavy package out, I realised what it was.

The memories of Collin. From Emily.

Fingers trembling, I chose a random disc from the pile and inserted it into the DVD player.

An image of Seth grinning flickered up on the screen. He was strumming a guitar and in the flickering firelight I could see Kaylie leaning against his shoulder. Soft voices murmured in the background and as Seth began to sing, the camera swung around.

I hit the pause button.

The girl in that image was very different to the one sitting here.

So young, and innocent, I thought patronisingly. You have no idea of the horrors that are in store for you.

Almost suddenly I was unbelievably jealous. I felt the envy flare up inside of me as I glared at this girl.

She had no idea of what loss means. I would kill to be her. To rewind time and be her again.

My eyes drifted to the young man in the frame. Tears welled up in my eyes but I felt the smile cross my face despite that.

He was sitting protectively behind her while she leaned back into him. His arms were strongly around her waist and his lips were in her hair. He was a head taller than her and the orange glow of the fire's light reflected perfectly off of his russet skin.

His eyes were wide and brown as they were fixed adoringly on her. Adoration she never deserved, but adoration and love that he gave freely to her anyway.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, staring at the image. At least until Brady came home. He stood there and watched me for ages, not saying anything. Finally, with a shaking hand, I pointed the remote at the tv and switched it off. I turned to Brady.

"I'm going with you tomorrow."

XxX

My hands stretched and flexed out in front of me, little red scars scattered all over my palms. I looked up at Brady who was driving, his head set straight ahead on the road.

He shouldn't have kissed me.

It had made me question everything.

He wasn't Collin. He could never be Collin.

But did that mean I couldn't be happy with him?

Collin had always wanted me to be happy. Would it mean I was betraying him if I accepted Brady's kiss for what he had meant it for?

Or maybe I didn't even have the right to.

Was it even fair on Brady... to say I loved him... when my heart had died alongside Collin?

So many questions colliding in my head.

I didn't want to answer any of them.

Finally we pulled to a stop and Brady got out of the car.

My hands were clutched tightly around a single daffodil.

Too tightly. The stem was being crushed underneath my fingers.

Brady walked without a single word, automatically tracking his way through the dreaded grey stones. I followed always some metres behind him, terrified of seeing it. The horror of the last time I'd been here, the.. _funeral_ – I struggle to even think the word – it's not one I want to particularly relive.

Then Brady suddenly squats down next to a small grey solid block.

This is it.

My hands are still trembling as I start walking forward.

And I can't breathe and the tears are just there, about to fall, but not quite, as if I don't even get the satisfaction of crying whole-heartedly for my love. Not like I haven't a million times but it suddenly feels like I need it this time, just this one more time to cry until the tears are dry.

It doesn't come and all I can feel is the deep crushing darkness inside of me that used to be filled with Collin.

I sit in front of the grave and Brady has laid a hand on the grey stone. He is whispering, muttering almost, in soft undertones that I can't decipher. Instead, I look at the stone.

It's simple. His name carved at the top in a simple script; his dates of birth and death underneath in smaller writing.

_A loving son, brother and soul-mate._

The simple inscription.

And then- I squint as I try to read the even smaller words.

"Lean in," Brady suddenly says. I jump, his voice breaking my train of thoughts.

"I know you didn't bring your glasses. It's ok, you can lean in and see what it says." I obey him, crouching low on the ground and leaning right in.

It's a hand-made inscription. I vaguely recognise the messy handwriting.

_Died a hero_.

Underneath, carved into the stone, is a wolf.

My throat closes up and suddenly I can't breathe.

I fall back straight into Brady's arms and they encircle me and finally, I get my wish.

I cry and cry and cry and as the tears fall, Brady murmurs to me in a soothing tone that slowly calms me down.

"It was Seth. He came here the night of the funeral and scraped it into the stone. He said it hadn't felt complete... it is now."

I'm twisting my hands into Brady's shirt and I realise that the daffodil is getting crushed in my hand.

I open it and let it fall onto the green grass next to me.

Brady presses a small kiss to my forehead.

And the next thing I know, his lips are on mine.

I don't fight him off, or just sit there like I did last time.

I kiss him back.

_Then I see your face_

_I know I'm finally yours_

_I find everything I thought I lost before_

_You call my name_

_I come to you in pieces_

_So you can make me whole_

**AN: Ok, so I wrote chapter 25 (and it's AN) like two days after I did the last upload. You guys inspired me so much and made me realise how much I missed the reviews. I got some way through this chapter then I couldn't finish it. Then, you know, stuff went down today which left me in a sad/angry mood which is the perfect one to write this. And it makes me feel better :)**

**Thankyou to all my wonderful reviewers: **

Fairielover93

HunterofArtemis1136

genies9

Lily CullenSalvatore

peggy cook :D

BatManAndFairyFace (previously eeyore-ft-tigger) – welcome back :D Thankyou for the theme song, it was perfect :)

ImDaMnShOrTaNdPrOuD (if you haven't read her stories, check 'em out, they never fail to make me laugh! And I hope you don't mind that I've borrowed your way of setting out reviewers?)

**and the always present **IzzyRoseXD** – thankyou for all the mental support babe xoxo**

**And my anonymous reviewers, who I shall reply to underneath. These guys rule. It was you guys especially who got me writing so quickly-**

Julie **& **Ginglocks **& **A Long Time Lena Fan

**Check out your review replies down the bottom ;)**

**This chapter's for **ignorant little fluffy tale **for the song rec WAYYYYY back in September. I love the song and although I don't know if I'll have enough room to use it in this story (...I'm already collecting for this one's sister story) you have gotten me addicted to Carrie Underwood. **

**Julie:** I hope you know that even just the line you dropped made my day :D

**Ginglocks: **Dude, I hope you realise how resolved your review made me to finish this story, and in quick time, too ;) I swear here and now never to abandon this story – or you :) Thankyou for your review and the comments you made:D Writing so fast my keyboard can't keep up ;)

**A Long Time Lena Fan: **I was so surprised to see the name you chose, you really have no idea how humbling it was :) I know you reviewed on You Belong With Me but I hope you read this- your name alone made my day but the comments you left and the compliments you gave me will be an inspiration I hold for a long time :D

**Readers: thankyou for taking the time to read my work, and reviewers: thankyou for taking the time to tell me what you thought. **

**Don't forget to check out the HWY poll on my profile.**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

_See... proof, reviews really DO make people write faster :)_


	26. Chapter XXV: Marry Me

**The theme song's a little different in this chapter. You have no idea how long I've had this idea and I've wanted to write this since I started this whole story. ****Check it out: **Two Is Better Than One **by** Boys Like Girls **and the awesome **Taylor Swift. **Open it up on youtube or grooveshark or something, just have it ready to play 'cos it's a beautiful song and I want it playing at my wedding. **

**Yes I am planning that far ahead. :P**

**Back to the story. **

**One last thing- I decided to include the scene. I tried writing from Jessie's point of view like as a flashback but then, you know the story, it just wrote itself.**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

Chapter XXV

"It's called imprinting."

I paused but couldn't find the words in me to continue. How does anybody break this to anyone?

It wasn't as if I could look back on anyone's experience, either. Sam told Emily by shipping her off to hospital. Kim spazzed out because she thought Jared was forced to love her. Jacob's got four years to write his "I'm-your-soulmate-speech" and Quil has sixteen. Rachel didn't even count, that woman might've blinked when Paul told her. From what I'd heard as soon as she found out she went off to bash up Jacob for not telling her that _he_ was a werewolf.

Rachel Black has issues. And you do not think that while phased at the same time as Paul or we'll end up losing another member of the pack. Chase isn't with us anymore but we've all agreed to move on from that.

"So, what does that mean?" Jessie's gentle voice brought me back.

"It—it—God, Jessie," I spluttered. My head fell forward, resting on her shoulder for a moment as I tried to think. I gently pressed my lips against her collarbone and felt her shiver under my touch. Still haven't lost it, I couldn't help but think smugly as I sat back up. I swallowed the lump in my throat that had re-appeared as I tried to voice my thoughts.

"You have to know that it's not compulsory. Well, it is, for me. But you have a choice and you will always have a choice and I will always stand by whatever choice you make."

"Collin, you're confusing me," she mumbled, trying to move closer to me. She was already on his lap but that didn't matter, it still wasn't _quite_ close enough. I pulled her in tighter.

"In our legends, the wolves had soul-mates. There's lots of theories, Sam and Billy have a few, about why it exists but all that matters is this imprinting thing happens when the wolf finds his soul mate. It's like a signal, so that he knows it's her."

"What do you mean? What signal?"

As I looked up at him, his eyes automatically closed. A small smile went on his face and his arms tightened around me.

"You know how you fall in love with someone, and at first they're a stranger, then they become a friend. Then you start spending more time with them. You jump for chances to talk to them or sit next to them, but try to act like you're not. Every time you hug them or accidentally brush hands or just something like that it sends fire racing up and down you and leaves you tingling for hours at end. And you're trying to fall asleep but all you can think of is them. Every little clue that they might like you leaves you thinking for hours afterwards. Then as you spend more and more time with them you realise how beautiful they are and how perfect they are. Everything they say or think or do. In the end whenever you're making plans for your future you're subconsciously trying to schedule in your wedding, or you see them talking to a little kid and you start thinking about what kind of parent they'd make. You don't admit it but they become the person who means most to you in the world. And you know that if they asked you to, you'd lay down your life from them. Do...do you know that feeling?"

"Yes," she mumbled after a moment. "I know that feeling."

"Imagine all of that crashing down onto you in one moment, hitting you like a truck. Everything just pulls into place and in one moment you can see their perfection and you know you can never tear your eyes from it again. Someone who was just a stranger a second ago becomes your everything in the next."

It was quiet, except for the rain falling lightly on us and her breathing.

And her heartbeat, in near perfect sync with mine. Both at hyper-active speeds – her as she contemplated her answer, and me as I waited for it.

"I think I can imagine it."

I took a deep breath. "That's what imprinting is. That's what happened the day I saw you."

I heard her breathing hitch and I started to panic. Was she going to believe me or would she run again? I didn't know if I could handle her leaving me again.

Hell, I _knew_ I couldn't.

She wasn't speaking.

I moved my head closer to her ear and started talking softly.

"The wolf's sole purpose in life is to protect her and to keep her happy. If she asked him to put a gun to his chest and pull the trigger, he would do it, simply because he loves her more than he loves his own life."

"And-and you love me that way?" her voice was shaky and unsure as she stuttered again.

I turned her head so she was facing me and let my forehead rest on hers. Her wide grey eyes were straight on me, until she blushed and looked away.

I kissed her on the lips and felt her kiss me back.

"I have always loved you that way, and I always will."

When we went back to her room some hours later, she was wet and cold as I lifted her through her bedroom window.

I heard a wolf howl in the distance and I hesitated. Not a special signal, just a sign that the shift had ended and someone was late. Thankfully not me.

While my mind processed this Jessie's hand pulled on mine.

"Please, don't go," she whispered.

"Your wish is my command," I whispered back.

She pulled me down to the bed and as I slipped under the covers next to her I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in tightly. She entangled my legs around mine and I kissed her neck softly.

"I love you," I mumbled into her skin.

"I love you too," she murmured sleepily.

We both fell asleep easily that night.

XxX

_Knock. Knock-knock. Knock._

I heard it in my dreams first before my eyes cracked open like slits as sunlight burnt into them. I tried to shut my eyes but the persistent racket kept up.

_Knock. Knock-knock. Knock._

I reached around, half-delirious, over the bed before finally tugging the pillow underneath my head and flinging it at the window.

"Piss _off_ Brady," I muttered, burying my head into Jessie's hair. She murmured something and shifted restlessly.

The knocking continued. Finally I felt Jessie move against me as she sat up and yawned. I kept my arm possessively around her waist until she started to actually move out of the bed.

I tugged her hard so she fell against me. My arms went around her securely.

"Stay," I mumbled, my eyes still shut. I heard her giggle.

"Brady's at the window," she whispered. "Don't you wanna see why he's here?"

"Because everyone else is asleep so there's no one else for him to annoy. He's like a begging dog. If you ignore it, it gives up and leaves you alone. Although Brady has a shorter attention span than most dogs."

I must've fallen asleep again because the next thing I know, Jessie's small hands were gripping my shoulder and shaking me. I didn't move.

All of a sudden I felt an elbow being slammed straight into my lungs. I gasped, winded, and immediately sat up, bleary eyes half-open.  
The first thing I noticed was that Jessie had had a shower. Her hair was wet and in one braid over one shoulder and she smelled like soap. She was in a pretty dress, I realised. It was white with a red tie around the middle and red trimmings down the bottom, plus red and yellow flowers scattered all over the torso.

I growled when something blocked my view of her, but stopped short when I realised that _something_ was Brady.

"Come on, hurry up, have a shower or something, we have to go, and go _now_!" he was yelling.

"W-what time is it?"

"It's four o'clock!" I looked outside and sure enough the sun was low in the sky. A clear sky, I noted. Huh.

"How late were we up last night?" I turned to Jessie while rubbing my eyes. She was slipping a grey cardigan on.

"Late enough! Go, go, now!" harrassed Brady, pushing me out of the bed.

"Alright, alright! Dude, what's your rush?"

Brady stared at me. "I thought I mentioned it enough. Geez," he said, looking at Jessie. "You better not leave again. You should've seen him, locking himself in his room and yelling at inanimate objects and skipping patrols and bursting into tears at microwaves-" (was it just me or did Jessie blush a little at the last one?) "-it's like Leah at her time of the month."

"Leah doesn't have a time of the month," I pointed out.

"Oh, yes she does. All. Month. Long."

"That was mean." I liked Leah. She was alright to me (as in, she didn't talk to me) so I never had any issues with her.

In a sudden random act Brady extended his hand to Jessie.

"Shake it," he insisted, and she hesitantly shook the proffered hand. "I'm Brady, a teenage werewolf. Good to finally meet you without any cover-ups of the truth. Welcome to the pack."

I blinked and looked at him. "That was a surprisingly wise thing to say."

"I'll have that in writing, if you don't mind."

"Come on, we better go," said Jessie.

"Go where?" I asked exasperatedly.

Brady blinked. "What everybody's been talking about for the last few weeks. My wedding."

XxX

I brushed the imaginary dust from Brady's collar.

"Well? Are you ready to go down the aisle?"

I adjusted his tie before double checking mine.

Brady just smiled.

"Collin," he sighed dramatically, "She's the girl of my dreams. Out of all those guys, she chose me. When I place that ring on her finger and seal it with a kiss, she's mine forever. And tonight, we're gonna make babies like there's no tomorrow."

Brady turned to the figure on the ground. "And that, my friend, is how you act on your wedding day. Proud, secure and confident."

I looked at Seth, huddled in the corner of the room, his arms tucked around his knees and his eyes staring, unseeing, straight in front of him. I blinked.

"...dude, maybe we should get help."

"He's fine!" Brady insisted as Seth started to rock back and forth, muttering to himself.

"No, seriously. Sam, or Jared, or someone who's actually been married, or is likely to at some point in their lives-"

"Hey!" Brady huffed.

Brady and me both crouched down next to Seth as he started muttering coherent words.

"Not good enough she changes her mind finds someone better fail her hurt her she deserves better-"

"Dude!" Brady took Seth by the shoulders and shook him. "It's gonna be ok! She loves you, and you love her, and you're both perfect for each other, and—yeah!"

Brady seemed satisfied with that motivating speech but Seth looked no more relieved. I just looked at him as he started hyperventilating.

"Listen," I said quietly, "She's gonna walk down that aisle and she's gonna look gorgeous and you're gonna wonder what the hell you did to deserve her. And she's gonna be thinking the same thing about you. And then you're going to say your vows and you realise it doesn't matter 'cos she's picked you out of every other man walking this earth and you're going to be working 'till the day you die to deserve that honour. So get your ass into gear. You've got a wedding to get to." I offered my hand, and Seth clasped it and let me pull him up.

He was smiling. And breathing. Two good things.

As he walked out of the house and into the car, Brady eyed me.

"What?" I said. "I got him out of his mental breakdown, didn't I?"

"You basically just said what I said, but in a better way."

"It's an imprint thing," I said, readjusting my bow tie for the last time. I saw Brady roll his eyes.

"Come on, let's go. We've got a wedding to go to."

As we sat in the car- Seth in a dazed happy state and Leah frowning slightly as she drove the car – I looked at Brady.

"You scared the crap out of me back there, saying it was your wedding."

He grinned. "I didn't think you'd fall for it. I knew you were distracted, but I didn't think you were _that_ distracted."

"Can't you just tell me what colour it is?" Seth said from the front. Wedding dress enquiries, kept secret from every wolf in the pack, considering the whole shared-mind thing.

"Can't. Women's orders. Rachel would probably stab me to death."

"Is it the same colour as the bride's maid's dress?" asked Seth, eyeing the simple light-blue dress that Leah donned.

"No, it's not, so stop prying because I won't tell you," huffed Leah. I saw the smile on her face though. For today at least, she was just acting grumpy out of habit.

"Wipe that grin off of your face, Collin."

"All month long," hissed Brady under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

XxX

I saw his eyes light up as soon as she stepped onto the 'aisle' in her pretty lime green dress. His eyes dropped to her feet then slowly back up to her and I saw him just marvelling in the beauty that was _her_.

She, meanwhile, looked ready to bolt straight down the aisle.

They were just fold-out chairs set up on the beach at La Push. An "aisle" was a clearing between the chairs and the whole ceremony was hardly traditional. Kaylie's dad led her down the aisle with a carefully composed gruff expression on his face. When he gave his daughter away, he sat next to his wife and Sue Clearwater (who were both bawling their eyes out) and a tear rolled down one cheek. Jessie was smiling as she looked at Kaylie. Kay's eyes were bright and her hands were tight around the red-and-gold flowers in her hands. Marigolds, weren't they?

I shuddered suddenly, trying to think if I had patrol with Seth any time soon after their Cullen-funded honeymoon ("A wedding present from all eight of us," Bella had insisted so Seth would feel less guilty about taking it). Certainly didn't want to share room in Seth's head so soon after the honeymoon. No guesses what would be on his mind.

The Cullens themselves sat in the back row. Then the very few humans who were actually unaware of the complete situation, then the wolves. Brady stood next to Seth as the best man while Leah stood next to Kaylie as the bridesmaid. Claire the flower girl had already gotten bored and run back to the audience to sit with "Quiw" and Billy sat as the MC.

Which left me.

I saw pixie-Cullen, aka the wedding planner, gesturing wildly at me from the back as the ceremony started. I edged out of my seat, dragging Jessie with me.

"Rings," pixie hissed, giving two boxes to me. "The red box is for Seth and the blue box is for Kaylie. Capiche?"

"Got it," I said, taking both boxes in my free hand while my other one pulled at Jessie's own hand.

Alice looked back at the couple at the front and a rare smile crossed her face. Even though no tears fell her hand raised up to brush her eyes and it occurred to me that if she could cry, she would.

I awkwardly cleared my throat and she turned to me. "You've done an awesome job today. We really appreciate it." Maybe Seth was onto something. The Cullens weren't too bad, as far as leeches went.

A row or two away, I heard a certain mind-reader chuckle.

"Thankyou Collin, that really means a lot to me," beamed the short, spiky-haired package. I heard Seth start talking from the front. "That's your cue! Go, round the side, go now!" Still pulling Jessie behind me, I went around the audience and at the front, standing to attention as Seth promised to love her and stuff like that.

What? I'm a guy, I don't talk about doing things, I just do them.

Huh. I sound like Brady.

"I give my vow to protect you with everything that I am-"

As Seth reached the end of his own vows (with a little help from Brady and yours truly)-

"I promise to love you now and forever until the day I die and beyond." I moved next to him and opened the red box. Seth reached in, taking the simple gold band – engraved with the Quileute braided pattern similar of a promise ring – and slipped it onto Kaylie's finger. I was ready when Kaylie finished her vows as she put the thicker gold ring, similarly marked to hers, on Seth's finger.

"You may kiss the bride," said Billy proudly and as they leaned in to share their first kiss as husband and wife, I looked at Jessie. Her eyes were shining and she looked so happy.

"Do you want this?" I murmured, leaning down to kiss her neck.

"It's beautiful," she admitted in her soft voice. "I-I'm not ready yet, but it's what every girl dreams of, isn't it?"

I kissed her forehead, resting my head on top of hers.

XxX

No fancy reception for our newly-weds - a traditional Quileute bonfire and the re-telling of the legends – which Jessie listened to with rapt attention, absorbing everything. Afterwards the Cullens, the humans and both Seth and Kaylie's parents went home. Only the pack and their imprints lingered around the bonfire, roasting marshmallows and, well, still eating. As I finished off Jessie's hot dog for her, Leah came back from her car lugging a big black strangely-shaped bag.

Seth jumped to his feet, almost knocking Kaylie over in the process. "Lee, you didn't."

She smiled tentatively. "It's been so long though, I thought..."

Seth took the bag from her, gently lowering it to the ground as he started unzipping it.

"What is it?" asked Brady around two hot dogs in his mouth.

Seth lifted the aged instrument carefully out of its place. "It's dad's guitar."

His eyes were shining as Leah leaned forward and kissed his forehead. She ruffled his hair, looking down as she mumbled, "He should've been here." Seth went quiet for a moment, staring with unseeing eyes at the guitar- everyone went quiet. Simply being here right now felt like an intrusion. Shared minds or no, he was their father. That was their private memory and moment.

Eventually Leah hugged him again, joining the others around the bonfire. Seth sat back down next to Kaylie, tuning the guitar. He started strumming a few chords, smiling softly as he looked over the guitar.

"I didn't know he could play," whispered Jessie, who's eyes were locked on the guitar.

"He hasn't in years," I said. "What with patrolling and college and imprinting, I'm not so sure he had time for it."

Seth started playing a soft melody and I felt Jessie move instinctively closer. I moved with her, staying behind her so she leaned back and rested on me.

He started singing softly.

"_I remember what you wore on the first day,_

_You came into my life and I thought hey,_

_You know, this could be something._"

His eyes were locked on Kaylie, who was glowing in the firelight as she smiled.

"_Cos everything you do and words you say,_

_You know that it all takes my breath away_

_And now I'm left with nothing."_

As Seth started singing the next part of the song, I was surprised when Jessie's own voice, sweet and lilting, joined his.

"_So maybe it's true that I can't live without you,_" Kaylie seemed surprised as she turned to look at Jessie, as did a few others. Seth, however, smiled and kept singing.

"_And maybe two is better than one, _

_But there's so much time to figure out the rest of my life. _

_And you've already got me coming undone, _

_And I'm thinking two is better than one."_

His fingers moved, strumming the strings instead of playing them. His lips stayed shut and I felt rather than heard Jessie take a breath. Her voice was sweet and clear as she sung.

"_I remember every look upon your face-" _She blushed and stopped abruptly as she realised that everyone was looking at her, but Seth took over.

"_The way you roll your eyes, _

_The way you taste, _

_You make it hard for breathing._"

They were both singing now and I realised that just as Seth's eyes were locked on Kaylie's, Jessie had turned to watch me as she sung.

"_Cos when I close my eyes and drift away_

_I think of you and everything's ok_

_I'm finally now believing..."_

Jessie was still blushing but I moved part of her hair out of my way and kissed her neck. Her voice was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard.

That was how Seth's wedding night went. I don't think mine could top that. The whole pack were quiet around the warm bonfire while Seth and Jessie sung, just them and the guitar under the starlight. It was the perfect moment.

I will always treasure this memory.

_There's so much time_

_To figure out the rest of my life_

_But I've figured out, when all is said and done_

_Two is better than one_

**Ok so I had to open up chapter one to write this and this chapter is three times the size of it. I've already written this even though I haven't actually started Chapter 24 yet, or even really thought about it. I only just realised how much I've missed reviews. Seriously I opened it up and there was just four in there and it seriously made my day. Or night. Or whatever you wanna call it.**

**Well anyways, I got a Doctor's appointment in four hours for a gaping wound in my leg so I'd best get some sleep I suppose. I'm writing this and it's four hours and twenty-six minutes into the last day of the year. **

**Wow. I feel old. **

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

**PS: I know. I'm sorry. I pick on Rachel a lot on this chapter (and therefore I'm picking on Paul). I was (re)reading the awesomest story about them in which Paul is mortally afraid of Rachel and in which well she is terrifying. But it's so sweet. (Check it out in my faves/in my community Bada Bing Bada Boom – I practically died from laughter) XD**

**PPS: Yes, a **_My Elemental _**reference was slipped in here:  
www . Fanfiction . Net / s / 6098081 / 1 / XxMy_ElementalxX**

**Check it out while you wait for me to update? ;)**


	27. Chapter XXVI: The Closest of Calls

CHAPTER XXVI

_Even angels have their wicked schemes  
And you take that to new extremes  
But you'll always be my hero  
Even though you've lost your mind_

→ Love the Way You Lie (cover), Ariana Grande

I felt myself slipping away in the kiss.

It wasn't like a kissing Collin. When it was Collin, I was snatched away from this world and I was a million miles in the air.

Now, with Brady, I felt everything outside of the world tune out. It faded and all I could feel was the warmness and softness of his lips.

Except for one thing.

I heard it, vaguely at first. Whispers.

It was the incoherent voice of darkness.

I froze.

They were growing louder and louder.

Until one voice, _his _voice, spoke.

Not spoke- screamed the words.

Collin.

I broke off the kiss, jumping back, my hands still on Brady's neck.

In that one moment, I let them slip off, not feeling right.

Brady frowned, looking at me.

"Jessie? What is it?"

I automatically repeated the words Collin had just said to me.

"It's here."

At that moment, even I heard it.

The small _crunch _of leaves and wood.

Brady threw me behind him, taking a protective stance in front of me.

"Jessie," he was saying in a deep voice. "Stay back."

I leaned around him instead.

From the shadows of the forest skirting the graveyard, I saw the red eyes of my nightmares glare back at me.

I screamed and jumped back. The darkness was suddenly rushing back, drowning the light that was Brady, rushing straight into me and my mind and taking over-

Brady growled, leaning forward as he started to tremble, a sure sign he was about to phase.

The dark figure turned and seemed to melt back into the shadows.

It was only then that I realised my heart was pounding in my ears and my breath was shaking.

"We have to go." Brady scooped me up into his arms before I realised what was happening. I was crying and shaking and clinging to him, my head buried in his neck.

"I have to get you back... then I'll send the signal out to the others. Who the hell is on patrol? _Fuck_, how did it get past them again?" Brady was still muttering distractedly to himself, but I knew it was him thinking out loud. I could tell by the way his still shaking fingers threaded through my hair.

"Brady, tell me."

"Tell you what?" he said distractedly as he bundled me into the car.

"Tell me..." I breathed out. He jumped into the driver's seat, slamming the door and starting up the car at supernatural speeds. His eyes were always in front, scanning the forest for it.

"Brady." He looked at me.

"Tell me it's not the one who-" I swallowed, suddenly feeling nauseous. Finally I choked out:

"Tell me it's not the one who killed Collin."

His eyes were sad for a moment.

Without a word he faced the front and jammed the gear stick into reverse, slamming his foot onto the pedal.

It was the confirmation I didn't need.

We sped down the highway. His right hand was loosely on the steering wheel, in comparison to his left hand which was clenched tightly around his mobile. He was yelling into it now.

All I could sense was the growing darkness.

I kept my eyes open, straining through the greyness around us as it started to rain. Whenever I closed them I saw the darkness, like a caped monster, swooping behind us, bringing the monsters of hell with it.

I looked at Brady.

"Drive faster."

In the house, a window snapped open. The wind howled through the room, flipping up curtains and tossing papers while the rain pelted in at the right angle. Wordlessly Brady crossed the room and slammed the window shut, re-bolting it.

Before the frame closed, I heard the indistinct howl of a wolf.

Brady slipped back under the covers with me, his arm slipping protectively under my waist. As I leaned back into him I felt his other hand on my shoulder, his thumb rubbing soothing circles onto the bare skin there. I felt my heart and breathing slowing down.

"The storm will be in the area for a few days."

My eyelids were growing heavier as I listened to the deep tones of his voice.

"It makes the scent... difficult to track. It was mostly new wolves on tonight, those who didn't fight the newborn army those years ago. I would've thought Jared or Liam had more sense... there's something tricky with this leech. That's why last time it got aw-"

His mouth audibly snapped shut but I was drifting off, lulled by the soothing heat radiating from him and the rain battering away at the roof.

"How long ago was it now?" I asked around a yawn. Little lights, scattered just beyond the edge of my vision, flickered wildly.

"Five months, give or take a few days. I-"

He was suddenly quiet, as if straining to hear something.

"Brady?"

"Shh," he hushed urgently. I yawned sleepily. I felt his hands grab my shoulders. I was slowly lifting up and out of dreamland.

"Brady, what is-" he rolled me over, pressing his ear right next to my heart.

After a few minutes, he lifted his head back up.

"What was it?" I asked, subdued as he pulled me back into him.

"Nothing. I just- no. It couldn't be. It's nothing."

I was already falling asleep when I felt soft lips press against my forehead.

"Goodnight Jessie. I love you."

The last thing I saw was a pair of crimson eyes glowering at me from the shadows.

I won't be fail Collin and I won't fail Jessie again. It got too close. _Much_ too close.

Jessie slipped into an easy slumber but I sat there for hours afterwards, trying to focus.

I had to get it. It had to die and it _had _to be me.

So once and for all it would give Collin the revenge he deserved and the closure for Jessie to move on.

And for me?

Both.

She is the light that shines in this darkness.

_So maybe I'm a masochist_

_I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave_

_'Till these walls are going up_

_In smoke with all our memories_

**AN: So... yeah. Wanted to give you guys something before I left. Only two weeks (...more) this time although I suppose I'm spoiling you with the rapid updates ;) Nahh I still have ground to make up for :D This time last year on a similar trip was where I bolted out the first 8 chapters of Here Without You. It's like a... a story anniversary. If that makes sense. And it's nearly done.**

**~Lie~ Ok so it's still awhile to go but I'm starting to prep things up for the grand finale.**

**And trust me, it will be grand. I just hope you all enjoy it! :D**

**Thankyou to everyone who reviewed—Much love xoxo **

**I just don't wanna rush this... I wanna enjoy it... but it's like I'm on the final leg of the race. I think I'm gonna space my updates out a little more from now on, but still much more regular than they were before :)**

**Oh and cheers to **IzzyRoseXD **for your mental support and for this gorgeous song.**

**AND YAYYYY for 200 review count breach :D Thankyou. To. Everyone. Who's ever. Reviewed. This story. :) :) :) Can't tell you how much it means to me. Well I could but the long heart-felt AN would be boring and mind numbing ;) So I'll just settle for thanking you once again :D**

**Instead I'm sitting here with Alice comparing pics of Draco Malfoy from 11 years of age to 17 years of age.**

**See you in two weeks-**

**Love,**

**Lena xo**

Note to Jassi: Thankyou! Updated this side of things :D

Note to Peggy Cook: Hey I don't mind I know I'll be up to my knees in work next year XD Just keep around, ok? Don't wander too far :P A cut on my leg got an infection or something so I'm just on antibiotics so its all good :D And yeah, we have barn dances, although we call them bush dances ;) I'll answer everything else later :D xo


	28. ANNewsflash: I'm Still Alive oO

AN first. Then preview. ish.

O_O

I have not died, I swear.

Ok that's not even funny (you know I actually have an emergency chapter in here and, if anything ever happens to me, it has what happens to Collin and Jessie and Brady at the end of it in short that Izzy is to upload?) Just thought you should know

Erm, I'm off topic.

~goes onto knees~

I am here to apologise but also I am here to ask for

Two.

More.

Weeks.

After two more weeks my exams are over, my new course begins so I have a breather and then I have two weeks of holidays. My debating round will be over and everything will be back again after this blurry long term.

Argh! ~runs around holding head~ I actually haven't written anything since first term and I am suffering withdrawal systems.

But I promise. I swear on my pet butterfly (I have a pet butterfly, yes)

...ok. I swear on my claim of Seth that after these two weeks are over, I will be churning the chapters out. Again, I know what's gonna happen. I tried a few times and it didn't work but

After this I'm gonna finish this story.

It's the least I owe you guys.

Hello new readers! ~smiles and waves~ The norm is a personal reply but unfortunately you'll be waiting a little . I do appreciate it though, it's reminded me that I have this story. I'm not on ffn too much nowadays, it's not that I've moved on as such I seriously am just running out of time. Last two years of high school and suddenly the teachers have gone from "meh it's your future" to "WE GONN EAT YOU IF YOU DONT DO THESE WELL"

I push off the excuses but I am still here. Thankyou for waiting so patiently if you're reading this and, er, well if not I don't really blame you since it's been so bloody long. Seriously.

Lol.

Love love love love love love love love love,

Lena xo

...actually, on a side note. This is a little sometimes I wrote up in February. Then I got writer's block and ended up zoning out (it happens a lot, I have a folder full of half-chapters.

Hopefully I'll finish this one off and upload it as the next chapter but as of yet, enjoy.

Collin's POV

Erm, please note that the ANs were written in two parts and written ages ago... Imma leave them there for authenticity, so you'll see kinda what drives my writing style I guess.

Hm. Maybe that's why I've been so bad at updates lately. I'm too happy. IZZY, I NEED YOU TO KNOCK OFF (BOO BOO STEWART/VIC MIGNOGNA/COLIN MORGAN) (the first one - well if you don't know who that is, why are you here? The second is the voice of Tamaki Suoh from Ouran Highschool Host Club - youtube ep 1 if you're ever bored - and the third one is that guy from Merlin :D ) Anyone of those deaths would most likely result in my complete and utter sadness and hence more time in Jessie's and Collin's world.

Anyway. ~shuts up~.

~bows~ enjoy the little i have to offer you. See you in two weeks!

**I think the more miserable I am, the better I write. What do you guys think?**

**Ok, that's not fair, I won't ask that. It's just, one moment everything seems perfect and you're riding on a euphoria, you know? Then the next you've done something stupid and you've mucked up, only now it's a million times worse, and you've got everything to lose so you keep your mouth shut.**

**But yeah. It'll figure itself out. I just needed to get away from it for awhile, so I took a quick duck into Collin and Jessie's world. **

Seth's eyes suddenly lit up, as if he had just realised something.

"Jessie, you're a girl, right?"

She blinked once, her lips pursing as she became confused.

"Uhh, yeah, I guess..."

"What do girls like for Valentine's Day?"

On the couch, Brady turned his attention from the football he was normally plastered to and gave Seth a momentarily patronising look. "Dude, you two are _married. _What have you done for the last five years?"

Seth seemed put out, which looked weird since a disgruntled expression was normally never on his face. "We were only dating for a year. Before that, she-"

He suddenly turned a funny purple colour, his fingers trembling and his eyes staring deadly straight ahead. I moved forward to calm him down, but someone got there before me, a pale hand slipping into his.

"Before that, life didn't make sense," said Jessie with a small smile.

Seth took in a deep breath and even managed to smile back.

"Thanks," he said, squeezing her hand before letting go.

"Teddy bears, roses, flowers, jewellery. Pretty simple," added Jessie.

"Ohhhh...kayyy," Seth seemed to be absorbing the information.

"And a surprise date's always a good idea. A restaurant is nice, but something more personal like a picnic..."

"Yeah!" said Seth enthusiastically. "I could-" he halted when he saw me waving frantically in the background, shaking my head. His brow furrowed in confusion but when Jessie turned around, I jerked my arms back by my side and smiled innocently.  
"Oh. _Ohhhhhhh,_" said Seth loudly with a grin as he realised my subtle message. From the couch I heard Brady groan. "Yeah I'll... I'll think on it," stuttered Seth quickly. "I gotta go, I'll see you later," he waved vaguely at our direction while slipping out the back door.

"What was all that about?" asked Jessie, looking at me.

"There was another guy before Seth, and Kaylie dumped him for Seth, but he's still about twitchy about it. It was a rough time," I quickly said, purposely misinterpreting her question. She looked a little confused but was smiling as I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck. "Don't worry, he'll figure it out. He always does."

She nodded, resting her head on my shoulder as I looked at Brady. He nodded and quickly ducked outside, and I knew there he'd phase to meet Seth and explain exactly what the wolves had in mind for this Valentine's Day.

XxX

"I know you're hiding something from me," Rachel's voice somehow rose over the general mumble-jumble of the wolves as they worked around Emily's table, heavily-laden with all sorts of pastas and steaks. A few of the older ones were actually sitting at the table, but there were a lot outside and even more sprawled over the floor of the living room.

I sat on the armchair, Jessie on my lap, as I picked the food out of her plate while she closed her eyes and leaned back on me, falling asleep.

Food and Jessie. My world was complete.

Or at least it was until Brady planted his ass on the armrest of my chair.

"There's no spots," he said, grinning as he shoved a mouthful of pasta into his gob. I narrowed my eyes but Jessie murmured something, turning slightly.

The clever thought processes in my head made the connections: chasing Brady off would involved moving out of my chair, and moving out of my chair would mean disturbing Jessie. Fine. The annoying extra stays. I threw in an extra glare for measure before pressing a kiss to Jessie's temple.

Back at the dining table, Sam was sighing exasperatedly. "Rachel, nothing's going-"

"Shush," hissed Rachel, keeping her gaze on Paul. "I didn't ask you, I asked Paul. Paul, honey, tell me what's going on or I'll rip off your b-"  
"Ok! Sweetie, there's no need for such violence," said Paul meekly, not meeting her gaze as he pushed the pasta aimlessly around on his plate. I realised then that everyone was watching the two of them.  
"I _know_ something's going on. It's not just me, _all _the imprint girls have reported their wolves acting dodgy about that date, the 14th of February," she said, the sentence dripping with her accusing tone. Suddenly her eyes flashed open, her hands on Paul's arm as she tugged him away.  
"_Please_, Paul, you could just tell me where we're going to go! You don't have to ruin anything. You could just tell me. I can keep a secret..." I watched as Paul's gaze started to unfocus under Rachel's gentle touch (even though the grip itself was unrelenting) and wide eyes.

Embry started laughing. "Yeah, right. You lot are like the pack. What one person knows, you _all_ know."

That seemed to snap Paul out of it as he shook his head, hesitantly pushing her hand off of his arm. Rachel's face reverted back to it's usual scowl, this time directed at Embry. She said something and made a gesture that most mothers shouldn't use, but it just made Embry laugh harder.

I only realised then that Jessie was awake and had seen the whole thing. I shifted her on my lap, moving the plate out of the way.

"What _is _going on this Valentine's Day?" asked Jessie quietly, her fingers dancing up and down my arm. It took me a moment to realise what she was doing.

"Nice try," I grinned. "You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?"

XxX

"Valentine's Day is tacky. I mean seriously. Roses everywhere? Wasting billions of good American dollars on _chocolate_? I pity the Japanese. They're Valentine's Day thing is spread over a whole _week_. A whole _week_ of suffering." As Brady stopped to take a breath mid-rant, I cut in absent-mindedly.

"You only suffer if you're single."

"Not so!" acclaimed Brady. "When you're single all you see are happy couples. _But_ when you're in a relationship, all you see is happy singles. It's the law of physics. Uh, or something."

I frowned slightly. "What about imprinting?"

He snorted. "What _about_ imprinting? Werewolf crap aside, you had your messed up little thing with Jessie awhile back where she just randomly left you. Even Seth got the fun of watching his imprint snog another guy for two years. Oh, yes, forgive me, imprinting sounds like bliss on earth!"

I frowned even more, glaring at him. "You know, when you put it like that-"  
"What, truthfully?" he asked innocently. I stopped, sighed and shrugged.

"You're right. Valentine's Day is tacky and mainstream."  
"Yepp."

"I don't even know why we bother about it."

"Exactly my point!"

"Guess you don't want that date I set you up on."

"Yeah, I- wait, what?"

I smiled smugly, not answering.

"Collin..." Brady kneeled next to me, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me roughly. "Dude. I haven't gotten laid in so long. Tell me you've got something for me."

I raised an eyebrow, brushing his hand off. "Geez, desperate much?"

"Oi. I am the Ultimate Brady. Brady does not get desperate. He gets _urgent_," he said, raising his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Cue facepalm.

"Look, on this Valentine's Day thing most of the single guys are hitting the pub. It was meant to be an imprints thing only, but Tyler" - One of the newer wolves - "is bringing his new imprint, so she's gonna be completely clueless. Sam said you can bring a clueless date if you want, and Jessie's got a friend that's single-"

Brady had heard enough to keep him interested. "What's her name?"

I smiled faintly. "Anna."

XxX

**AN: Here is where I stopped typing on the day before Valentine's Day. I'm sorry, and I love you guys so much, stuff just... happened and slipped my mind? I'll explain it eventually. I won't interrupt again :D On with the chapter! **

**Oh and apologies to all of you, esp. to youXsetXmyXsoulXalight. I only just looked back at the last chapter and the break between Jessie's pov and Brady's had, er, disappeared. But all fixed now ^_^**

XxX

"Alright, ladies, climb in!" The rare bright sunlight reflected harshly off the white van's exterior.

There was a heavy silence before Rachel crossed her arms and spoke.

"You know, Myers, that you're meant to give us candy first."

I sighed. Brady snorted.

"Please, Rachel, if it was a red van you would all climb in automatically, but if you want me to start a big rant on the discrimination towards white vans, stay right where you are," he said, gesturing to the van.

The rest of us stared at him blankly.

"Look," he said, dropping his arms back by his sides, "Just get in the van."

Reluctantly the imprints started to climb into the van. As I scanned over the crowd, I realised there was someone missing.

"Where's Jessie?" I asked Emily, and I realised a second after I'd spoken that I sounded vaguely desperate. I hadn't seen her all day, since I'd been helping the guys set up for the Valentine's Day 'surprise' that we'd all been working our asses off to keep a surprise.

"Oh, Anna was running late, so Jessie's meeting her at the beach. She asked us to wait for them there."

"Ok," I said, trying to accept the fact that I would still see her soon, just... not as soon as I thought I would.

Brady's voice broke over, "Look, there's enough room for _everyone_, so stop being fussy about picking window seats. Rachel, sit the hell down or you can sit on my lap for the ride there."


End file.
